[SweetSuicide]

"If loving him is loving you, then for now, I'll love him more than anything else in the world." My eyes locked dead into his. Wishing this moment wouldn't end. I wanted to just hold him and have him know that everything was going to be okay.

"And he'll love you, too, in my place... So, don't die before I win that place back." I could see in his eyes wanted to say more but Tatsu cut him off.
"Alright, Swift, time to send her away," Tatsu says.

"Giddy up," Swift say, his eyes refusing to let me go.

I couldn't take my eyes off him either. I just wanted him to be with me where I knew he would be safe. But I knew in my heart that what was going on was right. Swift had to be with Tatsu. I had to go my own way and they had to go their own. This is why we had all come back together. This was the plan. I took Flearin’s reins and focused myself on what was going to happen now. I had to get to Asgard and find out what was going on there.

And with Kamikaze, this alter being of Swift, I knew things would be okay.
I didn’t say anything as we left. I was still trying to figure out fully how I had knew who Swift really was. How he had not guessed I would have figured it out. And after seeing Kamikaze appear in front of me I wondered if I could love him as much as I loved Swift, even if it was for the time being. There weren’t enough words I could find to explain this connection I had formed with Swift. It was deeper than love. I guess my thoughts caused me to start to tear up because suddenly my vision had come blurry. I wiped my eyes and put my fighting face back on. You’re stronger than that. You were strong before him and you can be strong without him for this time. You just need to keep your head on straight and keep focused. I hadn’t realized how fast Flearin was running until that moment. Tatsu was right. I loved horses, but I have never been on one this fast in my life. I was used to riding wild horses in the countryside when I was traveling but this, this was something else. The wind was rushing past us. Nothing could keep up with us. I loosened my grip on his reins because I could feel the blood pulsing through my hands where the reins were sitting. I look back over my shoulder. I see Kamikaze there but my heart sees Swift. I leave one hand on the reins and place the other on his. It feels just like Swift’s. I’m taken back for a second but then I remembered something my mother told me. Even though you may be apart, I’ll always be with you in your heart. I hoped Swift could feel my hand on Kamikaze’s hand. I didn’t say a word. In all honest, I was still in shock really from what had all happened. But knowing this dimension was a suicidal killer, even not being able to kill himself unless Swift commanded him to, didn’t give me much hope.

“Kamikaze, do you swear not to do anything crazy when we get to Asgard?” I could hear my voice shaking a little in fear of hearing his answer… or his voice…

“I will not Suz. I was told to listen to you and that is what I will do.” I could hear Swift in there, but also, something much sadder and hurt and slightly insane. Like he really could kill everything and everyone and not be bothered by it. I took my hand off his and grabbed hold on the reins again. This isn’t the worst you’ve dealt with. Think of everything you had to deal with to get to this point. This is going to be a walk in the park. I lowered my head down and just began to mumble the lullaby my mother taught me. Kamikaze rested his head on my back as I hummed the tune.

“Could you sing it for me? It sounds lovely.” His voice just was crying out in pain. I could tell. I’ve heard it so often in other’s voices.

“Sure.” I tried to remember all the words before I started to sing. “Long ago and far away, things I often dream of. There is a place for you and I. Staying strong in love’s pure light. Dream away my sweet child, Dream until you dream no more, then one day when you shall dream, you’ll dream some more.” The words trailed off. I couldn’t believe after all these years I remembered this lullaby. I turned my head slightly down to see Kamikaze. He was sleeping, looking finally out of pain and at rest. How many times have I hummed this tune for Swift and he looked the same? I turned my eyes forward.

I was going to Asgard and I was coming out alive. I had to.