[Nyororin]

I`ll reply as I am pretty sure I was the person who said most strongly that I`m not going to go out of my way to make friends with anyone just because we`re in a country other than our own.

Originally Posted by xkmkmlmx

So many posts stating that it isn't that 'you are hating on foreigners, but more that you wouldn't be friends or extend yourself over the simple concept of just both being or living in a foreign land together' are ironic.

You are posting on a centralized subject matter message board to STRANGERS. Some of you with thousands of posts. You extend yourself here, but have some issue with most likely a lot of the same type of people that you might come across in Japan? I don't entirely buy the logic.

And I don`t see the irony.

I am under absolutely no obligation to make friends with anyone on here. I can ignore and avoid anyone should I feel the urge. There is no direct interaction, and I can pick and choose from the privacy of my home what to reply to (or not). If there is a question I feel I can answer, or if I`m in the mood to say something - I am free to do that at will. But there is no obligation, and no expectation that I am going to get along with or feel the same as someone else.

A real life friendship is an entirely different thing. I can`t stop in the middle of listening to a friend talk and say "Oh, hey, I don`t feel like listening to you. Bye." (Well, I could, but I doubt that the "friend" status would last for long.)

My issue with a lot of the people I encounter in Japan is that they expect to be able to find common ground based on the fact that we`re both in Japan. That, and that alone. To me, that isn`t something that can provide a sufficient foundation for a relationship. And in my experience, those who DO feel that is a sufficient foundation are not the type of people I would associate with. Under any circumstances.

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying anyone has an obligation to anyone... but making a choice one way or another makes you just as bad. No one should expect you to, but you shouldn't go out of your way to avoid people either.

I have yet to go out of my way to avoid anyone. But if someone comes along and wants to be friends because we`re both gaijin and they need somebody to be friends with... I`ll be perfectly amicable and polite, but do not expect to ever hear from me again unless there is some OTHER trait that leads me to believe you would be worth the time and effort of friendship.

I am sure a lot of you who take the anti-gaijin stance would not turn your nose up at some gorgeous 24 year old Japanese girl that just wanted to talk to you because YOU were different. But the logic in reverse does not apply? Right, ok.

I have, do, and will continue to "turn my nose up" at ANYONE whose sole interest in me is my non-Japanese-ness. This is true regardless of their nationality. Nothing irritates me more than being "used" for some personal fulfillment. I will not be a convenient friend because you are in Japan and want some foreign friends... Nor will I be a convenient friend because you think that English is so cool and want to live abroad.
I`ll smile, take your contact info... And forget the whole experience.