[Nyororin]

Originally Posted by xkmkmlmx

Weird, no one said you were under any obligation here or otherwise. And I was not talking about a friendship. I thought we were talking about strangers in general?

The OP was talking about strangers - I was not. I was talking specifically about not starting friendships with random strangers who approach me just because I`m not Japanese.

Sure, I get your issue. You have made that quite clear. All I am saying is, it is a weird stance, given that you are basically alienating people right off the bat with no other information about them. All relationships start somewhere.

I`m not alienating anyone. I do the exact same thing for anyone who I come into contact with. This is the point I am trying to make. I don`t make exceptions because the person is not Japanese - that doesn`t matter. I don`t make friends with people because they`re Japanese, nor do I make friends with them because they`re not Japanese. It`s a petty reason to start a friendship, and is little other than annoying when used as the sole reason to approach me.

Why so gruff and stand-offish about it all?

Because you seem to think that I am doing something other than what I actually do. You also do not seem to know much about the reality of foreigners approaching you in Japan.
Other foreigners will walk up and say things like "Hey! Where are you from? I`ve been here for 2 months and this country totally sucks! Don`t you think so too? I mean look at those salary men, they make me sick. I don`t see how anyone can stand to be here for anything over a year. I haven`t seen you at the gaijin gatherings we have - you must be new in town!" etc etc
...
I have yet to experience someone just approaching and saying hi - they`re either looking for someone to vent with, or they want to give me religious documentation in English.

I simply do not have anything in common with these people. Well, other than not being born in Japan. Do you go out of your way to make friends with everyone from your home town? Your home country? Any country that speaks the same language as you? I strongly doubt it. If there is nothing in common other than that, what is the foundation for a relationship?

Why did you approach your husband/wife/gf/bf/significant other/best friend/regular friend/etc? Was there a common interest? Did you like their specific physical look? Their hair color? Their style? Were they into a specific musical act you liked? Did you guys work at the same place?

I tried very hard but cannot come up with any friendships or relationships in my life that started based on some small petty thing. There had to be something more significant to continue the relationship beyond the first passing of words.

Which I have never debated, really. I have no issues with someone talking to me - that would be silly. I have never said that I turn away and refuse to speak to someone if they talk to me randomly. However, if there is nothing in common other than the fact that we aren`t Japanese - that is NOT something significant enough to base the start of a relationship on. And in my experience, those who DO push that as a good enough reason to be sudden buddies are the type of people that I simply have nothing in common with at all. Usually in the first few minutes of smalltalk, I can tell whether there is any chance we have something in common. As I don`t fit the mold of most of the non-Japanese in Japan, we usually do not.

I treat both Japanese and non-Japanese who approach me in exactly the same way. If there is nothing in common, then there is no reason to do anything other than be polite, smile, and be on my way. If they approach me based solely on the fact that I am not Japanese, chances are we do not have much else in common. I prefer to have friends who do not place such a heavy emphasis on that sort of thing. If you are approaching me because of that, you`re putting a high value on it = low chance of friendship.

To each his own, I suppose - but just because I`m not Japanese there is no obligation for me to befriend you.