Quote:
Originally Posted by YuriTokoro
Hi.
Could someone correct my English?
“16 days after the Massive Earthquakes in Japan.”
I bought a new mobile phone last week.
My old one didn’t receive earthquake early warnings.
The new phone sounds an alarm every time an emergency earthquake alert is issued.
Even if I am fast asleep, my phone will wake me up a little bit before the earthquake occurs.
In addition, my old phone’s battery had been running out too fast.
I decide to buy a new mobile phone every three years at least.
There were some people who phoned for help while under the rubble after the Earthquakes.
My cell-phone charms are a small flash light and a whistle.
If a massive earthquake occurred and I’m buried under the rubble, I would search for an exit in the dark with my flashlight. You might say you would use your cell phone’s backlight, but the battery life is precious under the circumstances. I would use my flashlight.
If there is not an exit, I would use my whistle to alert the rescue team to my position. Nine days after the Earthquake, a 16 year old boy and his grandmother were found in their ruined kitchen. He said he heard the rescue workers, but the rescuers didn’t hear his voice for days.
Can you imagine that you cry out for help in the dark and the rescue team doesn’t hear you?
I think there may have been many people who cried out for help, but usually people cannot cry loud enough.
I’ve had this whistle for years. When I saw the movie “Titanic”, the heroine blew a whistle for help, I thought I should have a whistle with me.
I really recommend you to have one. Really.
Thank you.
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Very good advice, Yuri. I had not heard of cellphone charms like a flashlight or even a whistle, but now having them seems to be a good idea. Flashlights especially can be very small, so having one at all times is possible.
Not many revisions were needed in your composition. Most of them were just changing verbs to be more descriptive or changing verb tenses to better reflect the point in time the action did or could occur.Also, some words were changed to communicate the sentence concepts clearer.
One sentence you wrote in the composition greatly impressed me:
"I’ve had this whistle for years."
This shows that you have a growing understanding of verbs and how they can be used to modify others verbs to create a deeper communication of concepts with less words.
Good work, Yuri!
