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Originally Posted by RealJames
what do you think Nyororin?
Can someone who moves to Japan at a later stage in their lives hope to fit in to the culture the way you do?
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I really have no idea, to be honest. It is going to depend very much on the person.
I don`t recall trying to "fit in" at any point, I think that I just had several advantages lined up for me. First - I was raised until 12 by strict grandparents. Second - I attended a fairly strict private school before coming to Japan. Both of those things ended up being somewhat close to the Japanese childhood experience (in my opinion), and I think this helped me not to encounter any huge shocks when shifting over to life in Japan. The third would be that I came to Japan before becoming an adult, so all my true "coming of age", reaching independency stuff happened here. I don`t really know what it is like to be an adult outside of this country. I have observed, but I have never had to personally make a living or do any of those adult things outside of Japan. I also came to Japan early enough that it wasn`t hard to pick up the language fluently and without noticeable accent.
And, well, I assume my personality alone has a lot to do with adjustment. I`m just not someone who needs a tightly knit net of family nearby.
The key is likely that part of my growing up was done in Japan in an average Japanese setting. Whether someone without that experience can do the same thing - I don`t know.
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How much do you feel you fit in?
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I am comfortable and don`t feel any problems. I am clearly not Japanese, but I can`t think of anything that really sets me apart from my Japanese peers and friends other than appearance. I used to think that the horror and discomfort I felt in very formal situations was due to not really fitting in... But as most of my friends are the same way, I no longer think so.
My friends are people I get along with who share the same interests - which is, well, pretty normal.
I would say the part that I fit in least is my handwriting. I came to Japan well after everyone had finished with all that, and into a school that allowed everything to be printed... so... well, while I can read with no problems - my handwriting sucks so I avoid writing anything by hand.
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My personal opinion - chances are, if you`re gung-ho about fitting in, and you go out of your way to do things you think will help you fit in... You`re probably not going to. Going through the motions is fine, I suppose, but overdoing it (as it seems most people who are making active efforts to fit in, making "assimilation" their goal do) will just make you stand out more. If you have to push and make the effort, you`re going to be trying to change who you are. The same as in a relationship, if you`re pretending to be someone you aren`t, eventually you`re going to be frustrated or your true colors will show through. Even if it isn`t "Japanese" - you`re likely much better off in the long run being yourself while being careful to remember basic cultural rules than trying to maintain a facade and going crazy with frustration.
I`ve never tried to fit in, or to be anyone other than myself. In my case, I suppose I am just lucky because "myself" doesn`t have any trouble fitting in.