[Nyororin]

I take it as her staking out a a place for herself in the household. I do not believe that it has anything at all to do with indulging or serving anyone... Or even cultural clashes.

Other than clearing the table - what is she responsible for? Anything? Or is she expected to just "be there"?
It may sound strange, but it may be far more hurtful to try to make things overly easy on her. Basically, it would be robbing her of her place in the household. Is she part of the household? Or is she just freeloading? I think that everyone would definitely answer that their grandparents are part of the household... But without responsibilities, it may not feel that way to them
She is capable of clearing the table. She has always cleared the table. That`s her household duty. Stopping her is along the lines of saying she is no longer needed. If she is no longer capable, that is one thing - but just wanting her to take it easy because she`s old is likely to be very painful for her.

It may sound silly when put in the context of dishes... But how many years has that been her daily routine? If she has been clearing the table every day for 60 or 70 years - Imagine what it would feel like to be told that something you`d done every day for your entire life was now something you were "too old" for.

Or even imagine a company situation. You`ve been working there for years, have been doing job A the entire time - in fact, it is your main responsibility. Then, the boss tells you that it isn`t your job anymore. You`ll still get the same pay, but you aren`t to do anything. Just sit back and they`ll have the new employees do your former job to build responsibility... But now you have nothing to do at all and just sit around.

It is a hurtful thing, especially if that was the main "job" for the grandparent in question. I have met plenty of people who feel that the elderly should be rewarded for their work in youth... But not a single one of them was actually elderly. Once to the point where they should be "reaping the rewards" - they all wanted desperately to not be considered "too old" to do things they`d always done.

And it isn`t just an emotional thing. It has been shown in countless studies that the fewer responsibilities an elderly (retired / not in the workforce) person has, the more quickly their health deteriorates and the poorer their quality of life. A person with no sense of purpose in their daily activities is also more prone to developing depression...

It`s fine to want the children to develop - but it will probably be better in the long run to either find another way to do so, or to provide grandmother with some other, equal task. Instead of "sit back and let them do it" - "Grandma, can you do this and this?"