Quote:
Originally Posted by dogsbody70
the point is that usually we were always in touch-- she was not at school and I was extremely worried about her-- thought she must be ill.
We have done a great deal for her and friends surely should be welcome at any time. This lady always kept her phone switched off so that nobody could ever contact her. she likes to control US but not keen when its the other way round. The lady she lodges with is a Philipino and asked us in -- almost insisted when I asked after my friend. My friend did not inform her own family when she broke her arm. We helped her out a great deal during that time- she practically was here every day. We have helped her when she has worried about her Visa etc. If one can't contact someone by phone and is very worried is it so wrong to go and find out?
We have always had an open door for her at any time.
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I see two different things going on here:
1) It sounds like she has had a certain level of break from reality. If she stopped leaving the house, stopped going to school, stopped answering the phone, stopped contacting her family, etc. I have seen this happen with an American and a Englishman living in Japan, and it sounds like very similar situations. It may be some form of culture shock/homesickness. She deserves some compassion, and probably should get some professional help.
2) You are applying your cultural values onto a person with a very different set of cultural values. You said "If one can't contact someone by phone and is very worried is it so wrong to go and find out?" And the answer in Japan is "YES! It is none of your business! Leave me alone!" The fact that you and your friends are not reading the clear signals she is sending you is only making her more frustrated, and (probably) making her more crazy.
I was good friends with my downstairs neighbor, another single man living in a one room apartment. In the three years we were neighbors I can count the times I entered his apartment on one hand, and I count the times he entered mine on one finger. When we wanted to hang out I would call and see if he was free. I would even call to return a CD or video game I borrowed, even though I could be at his front door before the call went through. That's considered manners in Japan. Privacy is at a premium, so the privacy of one's personal space is respected and not invaded (unless it's your sibling, of course).