Quote:
Originally Posted by MMM
I see two different things going on here:
1) It sounds like she has had a certain level of break from reality. If she stopped leaving the house, stopped going to school, stopped answering the phone, stopped contacting her family, etc. I have seen this happen with an American and a Englishman living in Japan, and it sounds like very similar situations. It may be some form of culture shock/homesickness. She deserves some compassion, and probably should get some professional help.
2) You are applying your cultural values onto a person with a very different set of cultural values. You said "If one can't contact someone by phone and is very worried is it so wrong to go and find out?" And the answer in Japan is "YES! It is none of your business! Leave me alone!" The fact that you and your friends are not reading the clear signals she is sending you is only making her more frustrated, and (probably) making her more crazy.
|
She is wanting to live in England permanently. SHe has often come to us without prior notice. Anyway if this means the end of the what I thought was friendship-- I will have to accept that I guess. She was the one who chased after Us--she has cultivated quite a lot of English people. She is obsessed with renewing her visa. Still sees Japanese people in London every week etc.
I guess the time has arrived that she no longer needs us.
Thanks for your help and advice-- it helps me to understand better-- My trouble is that I am too fond of her and worry about her.
Incidentally-- My friend never has her phone switched on unless she is phoning someone herself. She told me that since working many years for TEPCO and having enormous responsibilities-- being the only woman with that particular HONOUR---------she was terrified whenever the phones rang. she has a phobia about phones. Uses email for most of her contacting.
Anyway I am grateful for insights so thanks for that. If she wishes to live here forever she needs to get used to English ways. Her landlady is very open and wants people to call.
If I could simply have phoned-- then no problem at all.
I grew up in an era without telephones, and people or family would just turn up.