Quote:
Originally Posted by Nyororin
Obviously it stretches to all facets of the relationship - but the question of "where will we live" is usually the biggest and most visible. Foreign wives of Japanese men tend to be a bit more open to living in Japan for financial reasons (easier for the husband to find a well paying and stable job in Japan - particularly if there are any language difficulties), but it is almost always assumed that the Japanese wife will move to the country of the husband.
How children are raised is also another point where it rears it`s head pretty visibly - but, as sad as it is, a lot of the time the relationship dies (at least internally) before it ever gets that far.
But really, I personally think that " cultural differences" are a bit exaggerated. A lot of the problems I see around aren`t really cultural, but more a lack of respect for the other person as an individual with their own feelings and desires... Or a language barrier.
I know people who were born and raised in the same area I was who are far more "different" than some of my Japanese friends. Your family is, really, a small culture all it`s own. You don`t have to look all that far away to find some drastic differences that will cause huge clashes.
Language barriers don`t need much explanation. It is quite sad though when people misunderstand each other because of language, but decide that the problem is cultural rather than difficulty in communicating.
And, well, I think there is an expectation that there will be cultural clashes in the relationship - which is used as an excuse not to try to understand the other person`s view as a valid one. "It`s just a cultural thing! My way is superior - they just can`t see it because of their cultural background!" is a common excuse (though not quite in those words  ) for ignoring the other partner`s feelings or not even bothering to talk things through with them.
I always find myself at a loss when people, inevitably, ask me about the culture clashes and problems related to them in my marriage. We`re both individuals, and have our disagreements, but I have never felt that any of them were "cultural". |
Yeah...the superiority thing...You are right about the culture thing being a bit exaggerated, after reading that.
All of those things are a pet peeve, and I actually have had my Korean ex pull the "I am superior culture you just do not understand" on me...So sometimes, others are guilty...too...it goes both ways.