[KyleGoetz]

It depends on your verb. Alll depends on your verb. Since you're asking about に vs で, I'm assuming you're talking about within the context of "location" (the only place where they really overlap as particles).

If a "static" verb (a very small class including 住む、いる、ある) you use に to mark location. Otherwise, you use で to mark location.

Compare:
日本にいる = I am in Japan.
日本で食べる = I eat in Japan.
アメリカに住んでいる = I live in the US
アメリカでテニスをする = I play tennis in the US

So, regarding 僕の家で, it depends on the verb. If you're going to say いる then it's に, but if you're going to describe an action you do in your house, then you use で.

As far as where to read up on this stuff, there are entire books about particles. Buy one. Look for books published by Kodansha with the word "particle" in the title, for example.