It does seem to me a bit machine translated.
I'll take a stab at these because I encouraged you to post your attempt. Normally I try to stay away from flowery English->Japanese because (1) I am not great at flowery Japanese; and (2) often the English looks like some crummy "poetry."
Here goes:
彼は歩くとともに街の灯がどんどん弱くなっていく。好 きになってきたように、暗闇に包まれてきている。
ここからどこへ行くか知らないが、いつもの通り脚が導 く。
I have more confidence in the second than the first. Neither probably sounds artistic, but maybe.
I'd
love for someone who is a better speaker than I critique my translation attempts. If I'm ever going to write a Japanese short story, I need help with my prose!
