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Originally Posted by TerenceLau
The following is my attempt in creating a email-capturing slip for both English and Japanese customers of my store.
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Name （お名前）：
E-mail （電子メール）:
Please select the following, whichever applies.
以下の適当なことをお選びください。
__ To receive an e-receipt.
__ 環境保護のため、レシートはお客様の電子メールへお送 り致します。
__ To become a fan of Gap.
__ キャープの最新ニュースが電子メールにお届けられるフ ァンにおなりになります。
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I am keeping the English part simple as the items could be easily explained by any sales associate. I try to cram in more details in the Japanese counter parts for the opposite reason. Hopefully I could get a check of grammar and the proper use of keigo, as well as any improvement on my wordings.
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適当なこと , believe it or not, means "any random stuff" or even "nonsense" to the majority of the present-day Japanese speakers, especially among young people who may shop at the Gap.
Something like 「ご希望の項目を下記よりお選びください。」 would be recommendable.
Your store name is ギャップ, not キャープ in Japanese but it would look cooler if you used "GAP" as is.
「キャープの最新ニュースが電子メールにお届けられる フ ァンにおなりになります。」 has issues.
Why が at all?
お届けられる makes almost no sense.
, etc.
「GAPの最新ニュースを電子メールにお届けできるよう、 フ ァンにおなりいただけます。」
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On the side note, would Japanese people prefer to read small, condense sentences rather than long sentences like mine? I'd like to receive advice since I will be printing about 6 or 8 copies of these on an A4 paper.
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If there are only a couple of items of information as above, I would use the long and self-explanatory sentences.