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masaegu (Offline)
永遠の愛
 
Posts: 2,573
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Central Tokyo
10-15-2011, 01:32 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by TBox View Post
The illiterate fan fic writer has me on the wall again.

今、ナズを見失うと、二度と心通わないような気がした 。

I want to translate this as "If I lose sight of Nazu, I felt my heart would never waver again," except the story's more or less made it clear that his heart is never going to waver no matter what happens next. And he's mixing his tenses. And he never loses sight of her, if it matters.

Then there's this one: It's a girl talking to a guy. She loves him. He loves someone else, and tells her about it. This is her summarizing what came after.

そして君の告白を聞いてもう無理だった。 気がつくと君を誘惑した。 幸せだった。ずっと君の傍に居たいと思っていたから。 その幸せを手放す事は出来なかった。 だからあんな約束をした

Two things:
1. The 気がつくと is a different tense than the rest of it, and
2. what she describes comes out of order. He confesses, they make a promise together, and then she seduces him. But she describes it as he confesses, she seduces him, and the result is why she made the promise.

I want to believe that there's a secret to the と particle that unravels everything for both of these sentences. Otherwise, I'm lost.
「今、ナズを見失うと、二度と心通わないような気がし た 。」 is actually a good sentence. The author is a poor writer as I stated clearly last time but he could not be writing every sentence terribly. It may look to you as if he were mixing tenses but he is not. The reason that you feel he is is that you are translating word for word into a language that is not even remotely related to Japanese.  

Perhaps the word 「今」 got you confused. Unlearn "今 = now" now. 今 refers to the moment in the past when he felt this way, not the very moment that he is writing about it. Let me give you the best free piece of advice that I have given in weeks here. Whenever you feel like you are seeing a tense mix-up in Japanese, pretend there is a hidden direct quote in the sentence.

Pretend this is what you are seeing:
『今、ナズを見失うと、二度と心通わない』ような気が した 。

If your Japanese is good enough to be reading a fan fic, I am certain that you can see exactly what I am trying to say here.

BTW, 二度と心通わない does NOT mean what you said. It means "we will not be able to understand and love each other again." This is Reason #2 that prevented you from comprehending this sentence.
_____________

Before attempting to answer your question. I must ask this. Does it actually say 「気がつくと君を誘惑した。」? It is not a natural-sounding phrase. 「気が付くと」 should be followed by 「していた」.

1. There is no tense problem with 気がつくと. None. Give up super-direct translation.

2. It does not say that making the promise was the last thing she did.

「と」 is used for a different meaning in each sentence.
今、ナズを見失うと = if
気がつくと = before I knew it


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