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Some much needed tips. -
12-15-2010, 04:04 PM
Heys, I'm looking for some tips or advice for a future endevour that will soon come my way. It's very important to me and I just want some Do's and Don'ts from some of our veteran forum members here. But first some background story.
I work for a school as a computer technician. We recently received a nice 3rd grade Japanese student. We have had Japanese students before but they usually spoke english or spanish fluently enough where communication was not an issue. However this student did not and was having a hard time with her teachers. I knew some relatively basic Japanese and I was asked if I could help her adjust and teach her some English to which I accepted happily. After a few months, she is very enthusiastic about coming to school and even communicates in tangents of english and spanish; has friends and her happy factor is very high compared to before. (Of which I can't take credit for because she is a very bright child.) Anyway her Parents invited me for Dinner on Saturday. I'm a bit nervous as I know my Japanese is garbage and won't be up to par for adult conversation. Even when I speak with my student, she corrects me many times as I confuse particles and colloquience. (watashi, ore, for boy and girl.) However I'm more concerned about proper etiquette and manners during the dinner. I've seen enough J-dramas to have at least a misconstructed understanding of what is expected of me. In any case I'm looking for anything thrown my way that might help me. Her father is a rather important diplomatic figure so I'm pretty sure I need to be at the top of my game, sort of speak. Some questions I have are: Should I bring a gift? Should it be edible? Am I wrong to think I should wear a suit to the occasion? Should I try to use my piss-pour Japanese or stick to English? Any advice is welcome and appreciated even if it doesn't pertain to the questions I have in mind. I really don't know what to expect. And finally is it offensive that I think the Dinner might be something so forlorn to what I know that I had to seek advice in order to satisfy my fears in the delves of foreign customs or is it right of me to be worried?As the risk of being rude to them is an all too real existence? Thank you for your time. (At work so I probably won't respond till I get home,  
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12-15-2010, 04:13 PM
I think you're overthinking this.
Am I correct to assume that her parents are living in the US? If so, you should approach this as a regular dinner event. Dress casually, bring a bottle of wine and perhaps greet them with a few Japanese phrases but stick to English.
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12-15-2010, 04:14 PM
You should bring a gift if they are inviting you to their home.
Alcohol should be okay-a bottle of whiskey perhaps. I would certainly dress nicely, I don't know if a suit will be necessary. Of course you should try your Japanese, provided you tell them it's not the best. They will understand and in turn tell you it's better than you think. (trying to be polite) or they will speak English with you. (If he's in the diplomatic corps, then at least he should be able to speak English) Treat it as an honor to be invited and let them know that and you should be fine. Enjoy!
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12-15-2010, 04:56 PM
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2) Generally gifts given in japan are edible, but that's because people have small houses and not much room for clutter, so it's more convenient. 3) If your hosts are particularly used to western dining and giving dinner parties, then anticipate that they may have selected wine and dessert already, so wine and cake (while not a faux pas) may not be best for this occasion. Instead consider chocolates (always good for after dinner), a packet of quality tea or coffee. If you or your family is good at making things, or there's a particular local speciality you think they might like, that's always a thoughtful gift for people new to the area. It's also a talking point, which can help break the ice a bit. 4)If you know your hosts drink alcohol, then by all means go ahead and get a bottle of something, if not, quality non-alcoholic bottles of drink (juice maybe, or cordial but nothing that's blatantly cheap from a supermarket) can work nicely instead. 4) A smooth move could be to bring flowers for the hostess, but they can be awkward if they need cutting and putting in a vase straight away. A small pot-plant can make life easier. 5) you could also consider sending a thank-you card the next day. Ask in the 'Japanese help' thread if you want to do so in japanese and need help. Any gift you do give should be appropriately wrapped somehow; a gift-bag of some sort usually looks presentable and has a bonus of not creating rubbish that must be dealt with when the host opens it, or seeming too much like a birthday gift. As they are Japanese, don't mind if they don't open it straight away, some prefer to wait until after the guest leaves. 6) Your hosts likely won't expect you to know or be able to follow Japanese custom perfectly, and hopefully your hosts won't expect you to be word-perfect in Japanese or be able to sit down and start discussing anything intellectual either. As long as you know please, thank-you and brush up on those little phrases like 'おじゃまします’ when you enter, and phrases for gift-giving, that should be enough to smooth things along. If the daughter's english isn't great, then perhaps expect her mother not to speak it well either. Muddle through and try not to stress over it too much; it's likely they're just as concerned about being able to speak English! 7) Dress smart-casual. A shirt gives a good impression but perhaps leave the tie and full suit at home. It's not a job interview, but you don't want to look like a slob either. The idea is clean and tidy, rather than dressed to impress. Wether or not you'll need to take your shoes off when you enter will depend on the family. They may ask you, or put out slippers for you or they may be wearing their shoes and it's not a problem. 8) Relax! Clearly you've been a big help to their daughter and they just want to thank you and get to know you. 9) If eating Japanese style food the key thing is to remember NOT to stick your chopsticks in your rice. Everything else is mostly forgivable or would be the same as any dinner with a western family, but the rice thing is the big one. but overall, Spicytuna has an excellent point; these people may be Japanese but they are IN America and presumably used to dealing with non-japanese people and western customs. You don't need to worry about being the perfect ~Japanese~ host, because you're not Japanese and you're not in Japan. Just be yourself, but be aware things might be slightly different to usual.
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12-16-2010, 12:08 AM
Thank you all very much for the advices and suggestions!
I will take them to heart and follow through with them on Saturday. I truly appreciate all the comments given and now have a more clear idea of how to dive in. Thank you again all.
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12-17-2010, 07:03 PM
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