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being over possessive -
02-16-2011, 01:37 PM
i wonder if any of you have had to deal with being too possessive over someone whom you love.
i am not normally that way but do have problems and many misunderstandings with my japanese friend i know one should never try to hold someone back who makes many other friends--but there have been times when i allowed my feelings to show rather than pretending not to care. it is when she insinuates herself into my real friends lives-- she seems to collect english people as much as she can it is so much easier not to love her or even try to prevent her making other friend such as trying to steal ones own friends --. how do others deal with that sort of emotions. at my age i should know better and try not to care but i am a fool where she is concerned 
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02-16-2011, 05:57 PM
I would understand this kind of behaviour towards your partner or someone you're madly in love with (there's a word for it too, it's jealousy) but, with friends? I mean, there's no such thing as "stealing a friend" from someone, don't you think?
everything is relative and contradictory ~
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02-16-2011, 06:32 PM
I seem to have had the unfortunate luck through life of making friends with people who are incredibly possessive.
Any childhood friend needed to be my ONLY friend. Other friends were looked on as something like "cheating"... I can name a string of friends, one succeeding the other, but not really any "groups" of friends. I always got the feeling - no, make that direct experience of - having friends be very unhappy with me having other friends. Thanks to this, I have probably seriously hurt all of my friends over the years. The incredible possessiveness is entertaining while I am, well, in the mood to tolerate it. But once that passes, I have no clue how to deal with it so generally just cut said friend off with no pain on my end. The whole thing is a pain, and tends to make it very clear to me just how incredibly cold I am when it comes to "friendships". I`ve always experienced having to literally "break up with" one friend to have another. But I really am a horrible person, and have taken advantage of this strangely blind devotion to me... Until it becomes an annoyance. I have a bit of a feeling that this is why I see sustained friendships as more trouble than they`re worth. ---- ETA; Confirmation here - normal "friends" don`t want to lock you in rooms for their personal entertainment... Or tell you that they wish they could kill all the other people who talk to you, right? I am operating on the assumption that those sort of things are overly-possessive behaviors for a friendship... But have to admit that I haven`t had much experience with friends who didn`t fall along those sort of lines. And those who have been here a while will know that I am not one to lie or be dramatic.
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02-16-2011, 07:09 PM
i am not immature and been around too long to think that i get easily upset
it is not like me to be possessive at all, this is a person of whom i am extremely fond--too fond really, she has plenty of friends and i have my special friends, have no problem what other friends they have, she tried to become friendly with my neighbour with whom i am friendly terms for years. i have been obsessed with this japanese friend for the past three years and always had to hide my feelings, we have helped her a great deal==because we wished to do so. i sound like a silly child squabbling i know. it is wrong to be over possessive and anyone who knows me would not believe i should care for someone in a possessive way. i try not to but wondered if anyone had good advice, it should be--- let her go-- but she lives too near. at my age it is absurd to have feelings that dominate and cause much heartache. in my heart i know i should stop seeing her at all. no matter what age, one's emotions can sometimes take over, its ridiculous at my age but loving someone can happen to all ages
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02-16-2011, 07:18 PM
Quote:
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