Japanese Paper

[Befron]

Hello All,

I just found this little writing prompt on the internet for those learning another language. It wasn't for Japanese, so the skills you're supposed to use in writing the paper don't quite translate, but the prompt was to basically just write a couple things about yourself and what you did today. I attached my paper. I write it instead of typed it as I wanted my handwriting to be critiqued to. So if a couple people could not on comment on grammar, but also even if it is correct, would a Japanese person actually speak like this. I also translated so you could tell me if the paper actually says what I wanted to say. (I don't know how that smiley at the end translates though hehe). Ok, so if a couple people could just look this over, that would be great, thanks!!!

[JoshAussie]

your handwriting is excellent, almost as good as mine ><

[Befron]

ok thanks, I thought it wasn't very good, glad to know I am doing ok with something. Any grammar comments

[james1254]

Please tell me you put the sama at the end of your name as a joke.

[Befron]

no, that's san, isn't it?

[james1254]

nope thats sama and you don't put honorifics after your own name anyway.

[MMM]

I circled problem areas. You really need to work on your handwriting. You are imitatiting drawings, but you have some sizing issues.

[Befron]

Ok, let me see if I understand the mistakes:

1. in watachi there's to much space, while that's one kanji
2. the ya and to in yamoto are too small
3. I shouldn't use san after my own name (How should I introduce my name?)
4. Please tell me what the problem with the age
5. Too much space in the one kanji that represents the su of suki
6. Too much space at the end of line 2
7. There shouldn't be an i there
8. Too much space after that kanji after ima (actually, I forgot what that kanji, I wanted to say now I am writing a letter, but I forgot what that is)
9. Again, too much space after line 3
10. no i there (when so why do these verbs have no "i" I know others do, can someone explain that)
11. I used hoshii in that last line to express the desire I want you to like this. What did I do wrong?

So if someone could answer my questions asked above and tell me if I corrected myself correctly, that would be much appreciated.

Thanks a lot, I really appreciate you guys taking the time to do this.

Would it help my handwriting if my stokes were quicker and less conscious?

[Hatredcopter]

Originally Posted by Befron

1. in watachi there's to much space, while that's one kanji

Correct.

Originally Posted by Befron

2. the ya and to in yamoto are too small

The first stroke in the ヤ　needs to angle back towards the vertical (second) stroke. Just look at the difference between the typed ヤ and the one you wrote. For the second circle, you wrote モ(mo) instead of マ（ma).

Originally Posted by Befron

3. I shouldn't use san after my own name (How should I introduce my name?)

You don't need to put anything after your name to introduce yourself (but keep the です). There are more formal ways to do it, but you can save that for later. Also, you did use sama, not san - neither are okay to use on your own name.

Originally Posted by Befron

4. Please tell me what the problem with the age

You wrote 十七 (17) instead of 十九 (19). Also, the 歳 kanji is written very sloppily (at least the bottom part is, can't make it out very well).

Originally Posted by Befron

5. Too much space in the one kanji that represents the su of suki

There is too much space, but also the 子 radical in 好　isn't quite written correctly. You wrote 好き a bit better further down the page.

Originally Posted by Befron

6. Too much space at the end of line 2

You're missing a particle. You can insert に or へ there. Also, the の particle is not really necessary. You can just use 音楽店.

Originally Posted by Befron

7. There shouldn't be an i there

The い　should be there. I think you just made it look too much like a り.

Originally Posted by Befron

8. Too much space after that kanji after ima (actually, I forgot what that kanji, I wanted to say now I am writing a letter, but I forgot what that is)

The 今 is fine, but 手紙 (letter) is not. Besides too much space within the second kanji, it's badly written to begin with.

Originally Posted by Befron

9. Again, too much space after line 3

Forgot a particle again. You'd want to use を there.

Originally Posted by Befron

10. no i there (when so why do these verbs have no "i" I know others do, can someone explain that)

There's a few things wrong with the sentence... the correct way to write it would be 今、手紙を書いています。 The ~ている designates present progressive form (something you're currently in the act of doing, or something you will do). I'm not sure why the い is circled; perhaps just because it's a little sloppy like the first one was. You shouldn't use な (or ね or よ) in something like this - save it for casual speach or text messages between friends :P



From reading your letter, it's very clear to me that you're using the computer to look up and write the kanji (not just that, but the kana too - your れ, for example, is a bit messed up). One problem is that it can be very hard to read them properly without increasing the font size a lot. People who know the kanji don't need to see every little fine detail, so they can read the kanji just fine at a normal sized font. Also, you need to be using the correct stroke order with your kanji. Years ago, I thought it was a waste of time, myself. But when I started writing kanji with the correct stroke order, they looked a LOT better.

I would suggest getting a decent kanji practice book (like Kanji Power) or a set of flash cards. These materials generally have kanji written with a real brush stroke font, and they clearly display how the kanji are written with the correct stroke order and everything. It'll really clean up your writing.

Good luck with your studies!

Edit: PS, don't take my comments about your handwriting too personally or anything, just trying to give constructive criticism -- that's the main area you need to work on.

[Befron]

No, not at all no offense taken, I am glad you made them. It would defeat the purpose of me posting this paper if I didn't want criticism, so thanks a lot, honestly, not sarcastically.

Just one question: for #10, so if I was saying Now I am writing this paper, I could use the ~ている Form, correct?

Thanks a lot for the help and suggestions, I really appreciate it, and I will look into those books, if anybody's interested, I recently found this site, it has brush strokes as well as both on and kun readings:

Kanji of the Day Vol.57 - man (otoko)

There are something like 1000 kanji saved to this archive. THat 57 in the URL is just the day number. (It's one of those kanji per day deals).