referring to one's wife or husband question
 

Can't believe that I am asking some pretty darn basic questions here.......

There are a lot of ways to say "wife" in 日本語. If I were introducing my wife to someone, (As in, "This is my wife, Mary."), what is the most typical common word usage in contemporary usage (mid-formal) language? Is "okusan" ( 奥さん) the most common usage?

And conversely if my wife were introducing me to someone, is "shujin" the most common usage today?

Appreciate the help.

best,

..............john

To introduce your wife, 家内（かない）would be by far the most-often used word, followed probably by 妻（つま). 奥さん would be acceptable only in very casual situations.

For your wife to introduce you, as you said, 主人（しゅじん） would surely be the safest choice. Casually, 旦那（だんな） would also be common and acceptable.

自分の家内は「亭主」と！w

(I write this with the belief that it's not a good thing to call one's husband 亭主)

Thanks masaegu and KyleGoetz for the fast replies.

best,

....................john

I have only heard 家内 used with the over 50 or so set. Everyone younger seems to introduce with 妻. I have also never heard 奥さん used even in a casual context. In my experience, 嫁 tends to be used most in casual situations.
Perhaps a generational difference?

For women, 主人 is #1, and 旦那 #2. Pretty much as Masaegu said - 旦那 is a bit more casual, but can still be used pretty much everywhere.

I'm surprised it's not been mentioned, but isn't it that 家内 isn't used much because it's not considered very P.C? The characters literally imply that a wife's (and woman's) place is in the home, so it's unpopular with a lot of young women. Every time it's come up at least, I'm always told 'but oh, we don't use that now because it's sexist' or words to that effect.

If that were the case, 奥さん means pretty much the same thing... And 主人 is just as bad.

I don`t really know the reasoning for 家内 not being used much among younger people - just that it isn`t.

I completely forgot, but 夫 is used occasionally.

Dang, you make me feel old! :D In retrospect, though, what you said about 家内 may be true. 　

奥さん can be used when the husband already knows well the person(s) to whom he is introducing his wife kind of jokingly in a relaxed situation. It does require a special type of atmosphere to use it, so I may not recommend that someone not too fluent use it over 妻.

I rarely hear 嫁（よめ） around Tokyo but I do hear it quite often in dramas set in Kansai and the larger western Japan.

To OP:
What words sound most appropriate depends also on who you are talking to. As you know, we don't speak the same way to our boss and close friends.

*laughs* I'm not sure either, but I was told this on several separate occasions by Japanese teachers which is enough for me to think I should avoid it. I don't think you'd really super offend anyone with it, but maybe it's more along the lines of writing 子供.

The reasoning behind this is an 内／外 thing, right? Your friend is in your in-group, so calling your wife 奥さん would be like how you and your coworkers call your boss 社長さん, but you would speak of your boss to a guy at another company as just 社長 with no さん.

(But as 奥 is not a word for your wife, you can't just say that.)