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phishn37 (Offline)
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Please Read my Story ~ ! - 01-17-2008, 04:36 AM

This is a small segment of a story I'd like to continue, so please read and tell me what you think of it ~ !

The girl draped in the maroon cloak stopped. She held the kitten close to her chest. The tavern across the road sounded full; loud laughs and music were oozing from it. She was quite thirsty, and needed a drink anyway. He pockets were delightfully full again.
She turned down to the cat. “Tigris?” she asked matter-of-factly. “Wanna go here?”
The cat made no reply, and that was good enough for the girl, so she crossed the dark street. It was at least midnight, and it was dark and cold enough to be winter. The girl never knew the days, but the seasons gave her reason enough to have a robe with her. A shoulder bag housed her meager belongings, and the cat lay curled up at her chest, her hand clasping it to her so it wouldn’t fall. The girl may have cut a suspicious stereotype, but she had nothing to hide. She made very sure of that.
The bar was welcomingly warm and happy, and a large fire was roaring in the corner. The girl put down her hood and glanced around the place. It was nice, and out of the way. She grinned to herself and sat herself down at the bar.
“What’d you want?” The fat, unshaven barman asked the girl once she had sat down. He got a good look at her. She looked about 15. “Hey, get out, you’re too young!”
“Shut the hell up and get me a drink,” she said sharply. “What’s good?”
“Heh,” the barman laughed. “We get kids in here sometimes, but no one’s as good as convincing me they’re older. You don’t look like you’re from around here anyway.”
He was right; she didn’t really fit a profile for a local. Most everyone around here had long red hair, moderately tall, and fairly stout. Or fairly fat. But she didn’t quite look like that.
She had long, light blonde hair that was clumsily tied back into a low ponytail and secured with a twig. She had a long cloak on and a torn shoulder bag, and worn sandals that looked old. She had a very pretty face, but not just pretty. If she was a bit older, she could fit into the sex goddess category very easily. She didn’t look promiscuous, however; her face had a certain seriousness that a 15-year-old does not commonly have. Oh, and there was a small black kitten sitting neatly on the table were the girl had placed it. Yeah… she wasn’t from anywhere around here.
“No,” she mumbled. “I’m not. Now, I asked what was good around here.”
“We’ve got ale,” he mumbled. “Nothing fancy.”
“Fine,” the girl sighed, slapping a few coins on the table with a clink, gazing at him with pure exasperation.
He poured her a mug of the bottom-of-the-line ale the small bar in the even smaller town had to offer. He went back to cleaning off the dishes with his dirty rag. He was married but, man—she was a fox!
He dropped the rag, and bent down to pick it up. He was stooped and then he saw another feature about this raggedy girl his eyes had missed.
A small, but finely made leather scabbard was draped across her waist. Even more extraordinary was a gleaming silver dagger that fit perfectly into it. He was no expert of swords or weapons, but he knew this to be a fine one. Intricately carved, small jewels gleaming at the hilt. Of all the girl’s possessions, other than the cat, this seamed to be in perfect condition.
She had finished the glass of ale, and had her head lying on the table. He looked at her for a while, but got distracted by another man who walked up to the bar. He had longer hair, and was unshaven like the bartender. The barman glanced at him.
“What do you want?” he grunted.
“Ale,” he said and sat down by the girl.
The girl’s eyes narrowed. Her hand instinctively reached to the dagger and grasped it protectively.
“So,” the long-haired man said smoothly. “Who are you? Not a local?”
“Nope,” she said with finality. This conversation was over.
The man didn’t take the hint. “Could I be graced with a name?” he said playfully, with a poor attempt at sarcasm. She caught it, however.
“Virginia,” she snapped. “And it’s obvious that you don’t have much of anything to do if you decide to spend your night flirting unsuccessfully with wandering travelers.”
The barman chuckled. This girl was quick-witted, to say the least.
The man wasn’t done yet. He slid in next to her, and whispered in her ear, “So, Virginia. Do you live up to your name?”
She pushed him away deftly with her fist. “I don’t need perverts crawling all over me.”
There were a few long moments of awkward silence. The man shuffled his feet.
“Let me buy you a drink,” he said, putting a few gold coins on the table next to her.
She turned and glared at him with a deep loathing. “It’s not working. Be my guest to not try any harder.”
He glanced away, quivering under her gaze. Where was his manhood? He was cowering under some adolescent girl’s stare?
“What’s that dagger you’ve got there?” He asked, praying for an answer.
She laughed softly. “You know, now matter how many times I get that, it never fails to surprise me.”
She turned to look at him, with a smile on her face. “Don’t ask about it. And also, in case you were wondering, if you ask me to sleep with you, I’ve got three very insulting retorts all lined up and ready to go.”
She went back to stroking the black kitten, who was still sitting placidly on the table, looking serenely around at its surroundings. She could almost read his thoughts. “Don’t look all surprised,” she said. “I knew that’s why you bothered to come over here.”
The man let out a sigh. This was getting steadily more pointless. He turned to grab the coins off the table. He lifted up his hand to see that there were no coins there. He looked up in surprise. The girl sat there contentedly. After a few moments she turned around, aware of his gaze.
“Would you like to make a fool of yourself again?” she asked with a mock cheerfulness.
He looked away. This was getting very strange. He walked away, with his hand caressing the barman’s silver goblet, still wet with ale.


What did you guys think ~ ?


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01-17-2008, 05:11 AM

its pretty cool


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01-18-2008, 09:15 AM

It's good.

Don't know what the girl's problem was though.
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