Story Idea-- Feedback Needed

VisualKei · (#1 (**permalink**))

I got this really good (I think) story idea from a roleplay that I'm currently participating in with one of my friends. The story follows four teenage boys who all go to high school in New York. They're semi-close friends - they go to each other for support - but really, the only thing they have in common is that they're all outcasts that no one else wants to deal with.

And then secrets begin coming out, things that they tried to hide from each other before. One boy is beaten on a regular basis by his father. Another has been raped by a family friend and doesn't know what to do. One is adopted, and feels like an outsider in his family. And one comes from a broken home, and has only his older sister for support, but she's getting married in a few months and moving away.

When they all find out about each other's problems, they come to one conclusion-- they need to run away, together.

The story would basically be about the four of them trying to survive on their own... and of course, there would be some yaoi lovin', I think. I'm looking for feedback and suggestions.

DEVistation · (#2 (**permalink**))

sounds good if you do it right. cant belive no one has replied yet. meanies. i write alot too. too lazy and add to finish anything up really though.

MY OPIONION, BUT IM DUMB:

i like the idea. you would have to space the events out so it's not corny. not too many heart to heart confessions, just let the other characters come to the conclusion.

but dont have them run away. you should have them stand up to thier issues and move out and figure out how to survive on their own. but no stereotypical orgies or anything like that. let the sex mean something ya know? that would set it apart from the rest of the crap alot of people write.

chilieh · (#3 (**permalink**))

I think it sounds like a really good story,

and I also think it would be better if they stayed put and dealed with their situation, because to me it seems like the story will get "cut off" if they run away. But if you feel that it feels better for them to run, then you should write it like that - it is your story. In that case you should make a very good and interesting ending, I think.

So, there. :]

emiluvsjmusic · (#4 (**permalink**))

sounds like a good idea to me

but i dont know about the yaoi part...

Kaminogirl22 · (#5 (**permalink**))

I would like to read it, good luck with it.

My thoughts

1. in the first chapter at the beginning and almost at the end, the boys should be together having fun as though they are regular friends, that nothing is wrong with their lives, but about the end you could show a clip of one or probably more of their family lives. Then as the chapters goes on go you can get one of your characters to ask about their lives and then they all act as though that person had said something wrong... and then someone could go snoop around to see details of the other friends life, and then he could see (which every your choice) the family life of that person but then he have to keep it a secret cause he did not want to seem like a nosy person in the group and then you can run some rerun scenes in his memory.

2. The run away scene you can have them to run away for a while like four chapters and they can develop a more close relationship with each other then they have to come back and face their problems, and when they solve them well you can get one to go down tragically.

Thus my thoughts.

VisualKei · (#6 (**permalink**))

Thank you all so much for your input ^.^

@DEVistation: The running away would be a critical part of the plot, though, because then the families can pursue them! And... no orgies >.< I mean that a pair of them would fall in love, or something. Definately no orgies xD

@chilieh: I do plan to make it a very interesting ending indeed

@emiluvsjmusic: Heh xD Yaoi pwns!

@kaminogirl22: I really like your ideas, I'll definately consider them!

Suki · (#7 (**permalink**))

Quote:

Originally Posted by VisualKei

One boy is beaten on a regular basis by his father. Another has been raped by a family friend and doesn't know what to do. One is adopted, and feels like an outsider in his family. And one comes from a broken home, and has only his older sister for support, but she's getting married in a few months and moving away.

Oh geez. I'm never gonna complain about my life, ever!

[I think you can make a great story out of this]

Serenity · (#8 (**permalink**))

This sounds like a good idea. I think though, as much as running away would seem like a possibility, they shouldn't. I suppose it would be good if they talked about running away, but not the actual action. If you did write a story or something for this, I would read it. It sounds like fun.

VisualKei · (#9 (**permalink**))

Hmm... I was considering maybe a *temporary* running-away, but then they get caught and forced to come back, and are forced to confront the problems back home? I really like the idea of them having to deal with everything at home...

I'm gonna start putting it together right now, getting characters pieced together and such <3