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-   -   My Book. (https://www.japanforum.com/forum/member-art-creativity/3099-my-book.html)

QueenNanami 03-30-2007 08:11 PM
Your story is pretty good so far! Only one part has been bugging me.

Beside Adrow sits a kid; the kid’s name is Kasaki, Kasaki Yuro son of the one who has just been killed. Tears run down Kasaki’s face in his hand he holds a knife with blood dripping down the sides of it. “Dad….” are the only silent words that come from Kasaki’s lips.

Where it says a kid. Wouldnt it sound better if it said a child? I really like it so far :D

MazarDantechildofdevil 03-31-2007 04:17 PM
Quote:
Where it says a kid. Wouldnt it sound better if it said a child? I really like it so far
Yes, I think it would thank you.

Quote:
Mazar - I've started reading your story and its quite good. Would you be ok if I were to give a critique on it and any tips that I may have collected over the years?
It doesn't bother me it would be ok.

MazarDantechildofdevil 04-10-2007 06:19 PM
Here It Comes!
 
ALRIGHT!


THE SECOND CHAPTER IS COMING SOON! I'm sorry I haven't gotten it by now but i've been caught up, and I already have 11 chapters written so I'm not just lagging!..Lol Well it'll come very soon hopefully tommorrow the 11.

MazarDantechildofdevil 04-16-2007 03:11 PM
This afternoon it's coming out..So yay.


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