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03-30-2007, 08:11 PM
Your story is pretty good so far! Only one part has been bugging me.
Beside Adrow sits a kid; the kid’s name is Kasaki, Kasaki Yuro son of the one who has just been killed. Tears run down Kasaki’s face in his hand he holds a knife with blood dripping down the sides of it. “Dad….” are the only silent words that come from Kasaki’s lips. Where it says a kid. Wouldnt it sound better if it said a child? I really like it so far   "The ignorant are mere stepping stones on the path to enlightenment." "People can always have a judgment about anything you do. So it doesn't bother me. Everything can be strange to someone." - Michael Jackson 
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03-31-2007, 04:17 PM
Quote:
Quote:
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Here It Comes! -
04-10-2007, 06:19 PM
ALRIGHT! THE SECOND CHAPTER IS COMING SOON! I'm sorry I haven't gotten it by now but i've been caught up, and I already have 11 chapters written so I'm not just lagging!..Lol Well it'll come very soon hopefully tommorrow the 11.
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