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My story.....
ok this is just the first half
but i'll post the rest in a few cuz idt this could hold that much...... The monster from the woods of Louisanna By : miranda t. (aka Tokyo/box/robot) The Morning was hot and dreary like any other,but this day was a happy day.Today was the day that the soldiers returned from the war. The revolution was over and the British had lost and now was the time to rejoice and celebrate. " Tie it tighter Marian!",yellped the widow Dilecour as her maid Marian was tying her corset for her annual masquerade ball.Marian wrapped her fingers around the stings of the widow's gold and green corset,tugging on them with all her might."Tighter Marian! i can still talk without gasping!". "There Ms.Dilecour i can't tie it any tighter." Marian relpied to the widow's rude comment."Oh well i guess it will do,here's your pay and you may go now." She handed Marian her days wager and reacher for her mask and necklace."Thank you mam." Marian said as she turned for the door. When she walked outside she saw her mother standing there in excitment. "Marian! They are back! the soldiers are back!",she said with a giddy look in her eyes."Really? Oh Ma we must go see if John and Bryon are there." The two women rushed to the town center to watch as the soliders marched in line and met up with family.Husbands,sons,uncles,brothers,all of them met up with their families.Marian didn't see John or Bryon and was starting to give up her search when at the last moment Marian saw her brother and John through the clearing. "Ma i see them! I see John and Bryon!".Marian screamed with joy and ran for her fiancee."John!",she yellped.He saw her and started to run towards her as well. "Marian!! I missed you so much",John yelled as he ran to her. When they met each other they held one another for what seemed like an eternity.They stopped hugging and walked back to Bryon and his mom. When they got back to the others they all walked to the town square where everyone was dancing,laughing,drinking,and having a great time.Amongst the celebration they were telling old tall tales that GOD himself considered ancient.Most of them were just fancy stories to scare young children but there was one story that caught the four's attention. The storyteller began a grusome tale of myth and awful truth. He spoke of a fearsome beast that lived off of wolves and sheep. "The beast lives outside of our quiet little town", he said,"and if you wander too far...." He paused for a brief moment "....HE'LL KILL YOU!" He lunged at the women sitting infront of him.They all screamed in shock. Marian became tired and bored by the old wivestales and decided to go home. "Are you sure you want to leave now?",asked John concerned for her."I'm sure John...I'll be fine don't worry". She kissed his cheek and walked off. Later after the celebration as the others were sitting at Maggie's* house,the fire was roaring and bright from the logs they had found outside ealier.They were talking about the festivities when John brought up the storyteller."Do you think it was just another wivestale Maggie?". "Ofcourse it was there are no such things as monsters,and why should you believe in them dear? I mean you are a soldier,one of GOD's brave souls sent to protect your own.Don't tell me that a little story like that would scare you?",she asked.She looked over at Bryon who was passed out on the table. When she looked back John was gone. *Maggie = Marian's mother |
OH! I can't wait for you to go on! It's lovely!
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thank you...
it gets scary... |
I'm excited! *jumps around*
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tee hee...
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awesome! :rheart:
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*blushes*
ty like i said i'ma post the rest in a bit |
ok here is the second half.....
A Louisiana Soldier should never go into the woods unarmed.... John was walking alone in the woods that lead to Marian's hut.It takes you an average of a half hour to get there by carrage.Imagine what it would be like on foot. He tried to escape his mind but he couldn't.He began to hear leaves crunching and branches snapping. CRUNCH,CRUNCH,CRUNCH,SNAP.He thought he was imagining things so he walked on.He stopped walking and the crunching continued.CRUNCH,CRUNCH,CRUNCH,SNAP.He realized he was being followed and started to run.He heard all the stories that night,but he didn't want to believe them,the stories about the monster that resided in those woods.So he shut them out,or tried to at least.Suddenly he stopped,he thought he felt the earth move.He looked around for some sign that he was just imagining things.As he was searching for his "sign" a large dark figure stood tall infront of him.John stood still watching the creature which was shaded by the trees.John could make out some of it's facial features. It had piercing yellow-green eyes and razor sharp teeth that looked as if they could chew through steel bars.Before John could get a second glance the monster pounced at him. He leapped out of the way and ran back towards the way he came,to his town where he was safe.He thought he lost the monster and instead of running he leaned on a tree to rest.He heard a loud howl and a faint scream,and ran towards Marian's hut. He arrived at Marian's hut only to find that her candles were out and the door was open.He called her name into the dark but got no answer.He went inside to see if she was hiding or sleeping,but when he opened the door he was speechless.The house was a wreck! There were holes in the walls,broken bits of glass everywhere,furniture broken,and blood all on the bed,walls,everywhere!Everything but Marian.John,frightened and alone, decided to give up and leave.As he was just stepping out of the house Marian stumbled onto the porch.Her face and gown was covered in blood,she had a gash in her torso from where the creature had slashed at her while she was trying to escape.She looked up at John,and coughed up blood.After a few seconds she was gone.She died in his arms. John looked up from her face with tears in his eyes,sat her head down,got up,and ran angrily into the woods to find the monster that killed his love.He came upon a fallen tree limb,picked it up,and ran with it in his arms.He planned to use it to kill the monster. After a long while of searching through the woods he saw the monster.It sensed his presence and turned towards him.John readied his weapon.The monster positioned it's legs as if to leap,and it did.The monster sprang for John but he moved at the last moment.The monster fell but quickly got up and leaped again this time knocking over John and knocking the tree limb out of his hands.The monster fell on top of John trapping him under it's thick wirey fur.John closed his eyes for he knew he would surely die.The monster looked up at the sky and howled a deep mournful cry and sank it's teeh deep into John's neck.Sealing his eternal fate. Although John did not die he turned into what he had tried to save his dear Marian from.To this day John still lurks inside the woods of his dear little town.Guarding the woods from any who dare enter.If you are ever lucky enough,when the moon is just right you might hear John crying out into the night. THE END let me know how you like it.... |
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:pinkclap: awesome-o!!!!!!!!!!!!! :pandahurray:
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thank you
thank you *bows* nah j/k :) now tell meh wat u rlly think.... |
It's good. Makes me see the images in my mind's eye. Really descriptive and good. Haha.
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thank you..
that's what i was goin for |
Oh yes, bravo bravo!
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Oh, I absolutely ADORE it!!!
Bloody Brill` ^_^ |
i LOVE it!!!!!
im a louisiana soilder rawrrrrr |
thank you..
i'm writting another one... but it's not so gorey... but if you could give me any ideas i'd be happy to write a sequal to this one... |
It really good, sis!!! Write some more!!! like what happen after that!!!
You can treat this whole first story as the beginning of your vampire story, then explan it further about the life of Jonh as a vampire i guess, pretty much anything, like vampire power, seek his ultimate enime the vampire that killed his love etc... cann't hardly wait for more!! |
thank you...but yeah i guess the first part could be about a vampire..but it's about a were wolf...
and i quote "thick wirey FUR" unquote good idea tho... |
okies peeps here is a taste of my novel...it's not gorey and I don't think it is as good as this one but you may not feel that way..if you love it tell meh if it's not that good tell me and even if it sucks major ass tell me...and if i could improve something tell me..
A Dream Only The Heart Can Follow By Miranda Tharpe (aka-Tokyo/box/Robot) "Call me tonight Sarah...ok?",said ,my best freind since sixth grade Amy Newhabe,after rumadging through her locker to find her science book.I stood beside her doing the same,except I had english this period.I replied with a simple,"Ok it will but after 4:30." "Why 4:30 Sarah?",she asked. "It's Friday I have practice with the band",I reminded her. "Oh yeah! that's right,now I feel like a dumbass.Oh well me and Megahn can go shopping".We started to walk to out classes when I truned and said,"Amy you look like one too".She turned to hit me but i moved to fast. Fifth and sixth period flew by like always,and I was filled with joy.Soon me and Amy could joke with Mr.C,our history teacher,as usual.We constantly pick at him and he will usually laugh and think of a snappy remark to throw us off track.We sat there and did our work and when we were finnished we cracked jokes on him like any other day.At the end of class I really did it.I drew a stick picture of him on his dry earse board that was givin his super hero name 'MOOSE MAN!' and his trusty sidekick 'Bullwinkle'.Everyone in class bursted out laughing and so did he. When the last bell rang at 2:45 everyone rushed out of class,got their things,and rushed to their modes of transport.While we were walking to our cars Katie came up to me and asked,"Are you still comming today?" I looked at her with a 'DUH' look on my face and said,"Yeah I'm comming,oh and if he gets there before I do tell Jamie he's gonna get it!" "Will do",she replied with a smirk,and she jogged to her car.As we reached the front doors Amy mumbled under her breath.Apearantly she was swearing because it was raining and she is so into her looks she makes Paris Hilton look normal,and that's bad."Ok so 4:30?",she asked."Yeah 4:30"."Ok talk to ya then",she said as she walked off. I sighed,"Shit,I like the rain but I don't want to get wet right now".I put my hood over my head and ran for my car.I opened the door and jumped inside.I grabed a cig from the half empty pack in the glove box and put it in my mouth,lit it,and inhaled.After a few seconds of enjoying it I put in my new Dir en grey cd that I ordered on the computer since American cd stores don't sell Japanese music unless it's big in America,and turned it to their song Cage,a recent favorite of mine.I turned on the egnition and drove off. It only took a few minutes to get to Katie's house but within seconds the rain became heavier and I became worried about Amy.She's a reckless driver and almost totaled her dad's car once.I let the thought leave my mind and sang with the music.Five minutes later I pulled my car into Katie's driveway.I saw my other bandmate's cars pulled up as well.I turned the car off and turned to get my things.I got out of the car and walked inside. When I stepped inside I saw the others sitting around the tv listening to the news.It said something about flash floods in the Miami area.I chose not to listen since we live in Georgia."Ok guys are we gonna practice or are you gonna sit there and gawk over Wendy the slutty anchor woman?".Jamie looked at me as if to say 'uhh yeah'."Get your asses up and let's practice",I told them.Katie barged in and said,"Yeah Sarah is right come on get up and let's practice".They got up.My bandmates are slackers,me and Katie are the only ones who do anything,Justin,Jamie,and Bryon are all slackers.Justin and Bryon are guitar,they know how to play they just don't want to show it they want me to help them out seeing as how they both have a major crush on me.Jamie is on bass,he's the Die of our band,he likes to tease everyone not just the youngest,Katie is on drums and she is the best girl drummer I've ever met (I'm not saying that just cuz she is in my band),and last but not least me,I'm the vocals,I played guitar in my last band but i left them and realized that i wanted to sing.We all set up as I told them to play our demo. After we practiced I realized it was after 5! I was stunned to see that Amy had not called me when I turned my purple Razr on.Just a voicemail from my ex.He being the nosey person he was asked me millions of questions,like always,when I called him to see what he wanted.The questions included his usual perverted ones like the infamous " So what are you wearing?"."Clothes. What'd you expect?",I snapped at him.He wouldn't give up though.He went on for 10 minutes until I hung up on him.I got in my car and called my dad to tell him that practice ran late and that I'd be home soon.He sounded clam.It wasn't like him,he would usually freak out if I was late and beat me when I got home for making him 'worry'.I sat there a minute to try and call Amy but there was no answer.I called her house phone.Her mom picked up and I asked,"Hi Miss Tracy,is Amy home?"."No hun she hasn't gotten home yet,but I'll tell her you called",she said in her nice mom stepford wife tone."Ok thank you",I told her and hung up.I started the car up and lit another cig,put in an older Dir en grey cd Missa,their first full length cd,and drove off.A few seconds later my phone rang and it was Justin.I picked it up and answered,"Yeah what do you want?",hardly paying attention I heard him ask me about chords and Bryon in the background tell him,"OO OO OO tell her I said 'hi'",being the dork that he is.I said in a nicely mean tone,"Why the hell are you calling me?!?! You already know how to play so why are you asking me?!?". He paused for a second ,clearly to think of something and then I heard Bryon snatch the phone away from him."Hi Sarah",he said."Hi Bryon.Why are you two calling me?" "Just to talk",he said again."Well I can't talk right now I'm driving"."Well ok we'll talk to you later then huh?",he asked."No Bryon you won't....",I paused and sighed "yeah sure Bryon I'll talk to you later".This time I was on speakerphone.They both asked in their 'serious' voice "What's wrong? You aren't yelling at us and calling us stupid fucks or telling us to fuck off like usual." "I'm just tired is all.",I told them but they saw through my attempts to get them to stop with the simpathy bit."Aw come on we know you better than that." Justin said bragingly."Is there someone else?",asked Bryon in a jokingly sad tone."Ugh give me a break",I told them."Please come over and talk it out with us.",they both asked."No way in hell",I said and hung up. On my way home I stopped by a local record store called Speaker Rape a weirdly perverse name for a record store but I'd never really been inside so I decided since my dad was in sich a good mood I'd make a short side stop.I called my dad."Dad? yeah my car has a flat so I'm gonna be a minute.A lie of course."Ok Sarah,but I think I should come and get you it's really about to pour down." "NO!" I almost yelled it into the phone."Well ok.Are you sure you can do it?" "Yes dad I can handle it just don't worry and I'll be home in a bit." "Ok hun.See you when you get home." He hung up and I looked at the phone as if I had gotten one of those calls from my friend Eric,who yells random things and hangs up.I forgot about the phone conversation and walked into the store. |
ok other part of it since the first one was too long..
"Sarah?" I heard a familiar voice call my name.I turned to see it was one of my childhood friends who moved right after freshman year."Patrick!" I squeeled as I practically choked him from my hug."Oh my GOD it's been forever! You look so great and you got sideburns!" I said gawking at his facial hairs."Yeap I sure did",he said rubbing his face."Just look at you! You look amazing! What have you done while I was away and got facial hair?",he asked."Well.I'm in a band,I'm working on my novel still.." Patrick intterupted me,"Oh you mean that one book A Dream Only The Heart Can Follow?" "Yeah that one,I've had massive writters block but the main character is in collage now." "Ok now you what have you been doing?",I asked him. "Well like you I am currently in a band.I play guitar and sing.." I interrupted him this time."Really? Wow me too.Except I gave up on guitar,I mean I still play it but I just don't play it in my band." "Small world huh?" he said,"but other than that nothing much has happened.Oh I brought everyone down to meet you. My bassist James said that you are beautiful and he wants to meet you in person." I stared at him,mouth agape."You are joking right? Patrick please tell me you are joking!" "Nope I'm totally serious this time." I stood there and just stared at him."He's looking for a place down here and he's tired of looking for now so he just wants to goof off and relax,so all of us are going to the mall tomorrow.You wanna come?" "Um,I'll think about it Pat. What time are you all planing to go?" "Um,we haven't figured that part out yet,but I'll call you and let you know ok?" "Ok",I said. "So I'll...I mean we'll see you tomorrow?" "I'll let you know tomorrow." I took out a pen and an old reciept from my hoodie and scribbled my cell number down for him.I handed it to him and left. I called my dad again and told him I was on my way home.He just sat there and said "Ok Sarah.Are you ok?",he asked trying to care."Yeah dad I'm fine." I hung up,got in the car,started it,and drove off.When I pulled up it was nearly 8:45.My dad must've heard me drive up and walked outside.He just stared at me as I walked inside to get warm.I took off my jacket and put it on the coat rack.My dad looked at me and asked "So how'd the tire bust?" "I don't know I guess I put too much air in it." I gave him a blank look and walked upstairs.When I got to the top of the stairs I saw my older brother Micheal sitting on his bed drawing in his sketchbook.He's the best brother ever.He beat the shit out of any guy who has ever harassed me or tried to hurt me in any way and always gave me advice.He was my brother,but I loved him like a dad."Mike guess who I ran into today." "Who?" I punched him in the shoulder."Dumbass I told you to guess." "Um,I don't know who?" "Patrick!" "Oh you mean that kid you used to hang with that moved?" "Duh I only know one Patrick.He wants to hang tomorrow so yeah..I'm gonna go hang out with him for a bit." "Ok lil sis just watch it! I don't want you to get hurt,I already lost one sister and I don't want to loose the other." On my way to my room I stopped at my sister's old room and went inside.I looked at her trophies and her mountain of stuffed animals.I started to cry so I walked out and went to my room.I looked in my nightstand and pulled out the letter that she wrote to me a few days before she commited suicide and read it.I cried myself to sleep that night like so many nights. The next morning I awoke to the sound of my alarm clock.I yawned and got some clothes together.I got up and got in the shower.I put on my favorite outfit,my ripped low cut jeans and my Misfits shirt.I stared at myself in the mirror,my shirt glided right over my thin stomach and covered the marks on my arms while my jeans made my butt look good.While I was putting my make-up on my cell rang.It was Patrick.I picked it up. "Hello? Patrick?" "Hi ok yeah this is the right number.Um,we are leaving in a bit so yeah I guess we'll see you there? If we don't find you in about 20 minutes then I'm calling you to find out where the hell you are." I laughed and hung up.I called my friend Claire to see if she wanted to go.She said yes but to give her a minute to get ready.I pulled up to her house and sure enoug Patrick called. "Hello?" "Where are you?" "Sorry I am picking up a friend but I'll be there in a few and then you guys can just look for me." "Grrr,Ok bye." He hung up and Claire walked out.She got in the car and they drove off. "So tell me about this guy Pat wants you to meet." "Well I don't know much about him except that his name is James,he is looking for a place out here to live,and he told Patrick that I am beautiful." Claire squeeled in joy,"Oh my geeze that's awesome!" When we got to the mall I turned my phone off and stuffed it in my jeans.I lifted myself out of the seat.I looked down at my feet to see if my Converse were dirty...well dirtier then what they were already.We locked the doors of my mustang and walked inside trying to be secretive.With no sign of them we headed straight for Starbucks.Claire got a cookie and I got a slice of lemon pound cake and a caramel frappuccino.Since I didn't eat breakfast.We sat there for a minutes and when we were done straight to Hot topic it was. Once inside we were instantly amazed by all the beautiful jewelry and corsets,but I couldn't help but feel that I was being watched. In the midst I felt as if someone was watching me.I turned around but nobody was looking at me.I looked around until the cashier looked at me like I was an idiot.When I finally stopped looking a hand grabbed my shoulder.I felt my whole body tense up as I went to an instant attack mode.I went to slap the person,but when I turned I stopped. It was Patrick.He started laughing as a calmed down." There you are! I have been looking everywhere for you." I punched him. "You jerk what the hell was that for?You could've given me a heartattack." I calmed down. "Come with me the others are in the food court." |
lol, what happen to Amy? did he have a car accident or probably kidnap?
Ok, here is my sincere comment!!! :D please don't hate me!! Overall, it is a very detail decriptive, but it still can be better if you don't put too many detail on so not really important stuff and try to impress the reader with the important part, therefore you can get your most important message to the reader without overload them!!! But seriously, i don't know cause i don't really read novels, actually this can be seen as the first one that i read :D. So if i am wrong tell me!!! |
trust me this is just a rough copy and i'm making things up as i go
what happens to Amy is coming up next i don't hate you for it you told me how you felt and honestly i still think the other one is better but like i said it is a rought outline and i'll be making changes late but right now i'm just worried about the overall plot and what happens |
ah!!!.... it is a rough draft!! i see!!! :D
can hardly wait for it!!! keeep it up tho!!! not many people can write this good :D, at least not me!!! but seriously, why don't you continue to write more of the horror story since it have a very interesting begining!!! |
well i posted the rest of the first one if you didn't read it....
oh yeah i'm writting more on the other one now... but i'm not gonna post it until i feel that it is ready to be posted..... oh yeah...go back to the second page and see what i wrote after your first comment... |
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but agian who said vampire can't have Fur!!! no one actuaally saw it or alive after that!!!:mtongue: |
like i said give me a good idea and i can make a sequel
or i could just create another story either way it keeps me busy.... |
you can even write a book!!! i will be the first one to buy!!! :D
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yay!!
*dances* well that's one job that i know i could do if singing falls back..... |
so, the main chracter in there is you then!!!
lol, i would love to here your songs tho!!! |
yep..you caught me...the main character is an alter ego...except it's based on true things (excpt the sister thing and the dad being abusive and a few other things)
well my songs are depressing...i'm like Kyou i've never really written a happy song and i can sing like him (on some of their songs...but not the high pitched screaming) |
WUJJJJASHAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!
i'm editing a few things and i'm adding more as we speak...so if you want to read more just let me know |
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