Japanese raising
 

I plan on either adopting an Japanese child or going to an sprem bank. Since Im going to be the only parent and my hertiage is African American, I wonder how I would go about teaching the child about it's other half. I want both cultures to be in there lives and I admire the way Japanese parents raise there children. There values are much better in Japan then they are in the States.

Why do you not want to include a father in your child's life?

Yes and no, me and my boyfriend plan on getting married. The child will have a father but it will not be her biological father and he's African American like me so he's clueless as well on the matter.

Let me just ask point blank - What, other than selfishness, is your reason for wanting a "Japanese" child?

If you want a biological child, then have a biological child. If you want to adopt and give a child a home, adopt a child in need.

Unless you are part Japanese, which you say you aren`t, there is no reason other than selfishness to pick and choose based on nationality.

Yeah this is wierd.

You don't want a child, you want an accessory. Buy a new belt or a pair of shoes and get over it.

If you or your husband isn't Japanese, there won't be "both cultures" in her life. She will be raised as an American, and that's the only culture there will be.

yes, exactly. if you want to adopt, adopt a child in the US. there are thousands of needy children in your own country that need help. i'm not saying there aren't any in japan, but imagine the awkward hardship your child will go through having you as parents. black parents and an asian child...? thats why most families adopt the same race.

and if you're not japanese, your child will be raised like an american because you are american. i find it unfair that you will adopt a japanese child and not knowing japanese language or culture, try to raise this child. its like youre stripping your child of their heritage.

There's more reason to that then what im letting on. Ever since 5th grade when I found out my teacher adopted an asian child, I was intrigue. I asked her why and she told my why she did. So maybe going to the sperm bank is selfishness, but what about the gay people who do it? I am Bi, so that does not mean me and my boyfriend will stay togather forever. If I end up with a woman and I feel like I want to get married to her, then we want kids we will go to the sperm bank. Just because I want to add to my kids culture does not mean, im doing something wrong. If you feel that way, then pretty much everyone on this forum is wrong, everyone is basically here to learn or become more Japanese like.

I'm sorry but that's f-cked up. Having a child is totally different. First off I disagree with some of the other posts saying that you have no place adopting a child of another culture. But it's your REASONS for doing so that are messed up. People don't want Asian babies because they're Asian (unless the couple are Asian then most agencies will probably shoot you down if you ask specifically for an Asian baby), they want a child and the kid they get just happens to be Asian. I've heard of people feeling bad about situations in developing countries also who decide to adopt an orphaned child from there. There is nothing wrong with that also. In fact I think that's noble.

Your reasons are totally stupid though. You want a Japanese child because you want an accessory. Unlike my healthy interest in the Japanese culture which is based on wanting to learn a foreign language (truth be told it could've been any foriegn language, I took a stab in the dark when deciding on my language paper at uni), if I EVER decide that I'm sick of it I can give it up. When the novelty of having an Asian kid wears off however, you'll still be stuck with a kid.

That's your opinion. I see nothing wrong with fusing your favorite culture with something you love. Every parent pretty much lives through there children. So if I can't do it, I will want my children to be able to do it. If I can not visit Japan, then they will, if I can not learn Japanese then I would like them to learn. So when im old they can tell me all about that. If I wanted an accessory, then I would just sleep with anyone to get what I want.

No, there isn`t more to this than you`re letting on. The new information doesn`t change anything. Maybe your teacher did adopt an Asian child. I`m willing to bet anything that her reasons were far from selfish. I am willing to guess that she adopted a child because she either wanted to have children but was unable to or wanted to help a child in need. And that her choice was an Asian child because there were/are many abandoned children in need in some Asian countries. NOT because she wanted a cute little (I`m guessing Chinese) Asian baby. It doesn`t work that way.
As for going to the sperm bank - you were still saying you were going to limit it to a Japanese baby. That is indeed selfish. Homosexual couples who go to a sperm bank do so in order to HAVE a baby - not because they want to pick and choose nationalities and races. They do so because they aren`t able to have biological children without assistance. You act as if this is a shopping trip - just pick up the type of kid you want and that be the end of it.

If you want to add to your child`s culture, add to it . Don`t go picking some race for them to be because you think it would be "cool". You can incorporate ANY culture into your life. Culture is NOT RACE.

No matter what sort of explanation or excuse you drum up, wanting a "Japanese" baby is going to end up as selfish.

I have known a couple people that were adopted from Asian countries, and maybe it's a defense mechanism, but the last thing they were interested in was China and Korea (thier birth countries).

Cutures aren't accessories, they are ways of life. I just can't understand the thinking of using your child as a gateway to Japanese culture.

If you want to go to Japan, go to Japan. I am not sure why a baby has to be made to satisfy this curiousity.

I have come to think that you`re probably just too young to understand how incredibly near sighted and selfish that way of thinking is.

If you like Japanese culture, then incorporate it into your lifestyle. No one will EVER complain about that. However, you`re taking it a step too far and equating race with culture. It doesn`t matter a bit what race your child is. They`re going to grow up how you raise them. Japanese blood does not give you magical powers.

If you want them to grow up and go to Japan, then SEND THEM! They don`t have to be Japanese to do this. No one is saying anything bad about your desire to incorporate Japanese culture into your child`s life. They`re complaining because you aren`t talking about culture - you`re talking about race, as if it gives special abilities. It doesn`t. If you are unhappy enough with your own race that you want to "live through your children" and escape from it, then you really need to get past that before you even THINK about having a child via any means.

I agree...

I was reading through this post and felt as if I had to comment on this.

I don't know how you can't understand this, but what you're suggesting is extremely selfish. I am also an African American female. While I am young, 17, I know that in the future when I am mentally/physically/financially stable enough that I would like to adopt children. Never once has it crossed my mind that I only wanted a child from a certain race. Choosing a child simply because you like it's race is selfish and downright unfair to the child. If you really want to adopt a child, why not China? Why not Africa or Russia? These countries have so many children in need of a loving family and many of the people in their countries cannot give it to them. If you are so in love with the Japanese country then you would do right to respect it. If you had a Japanese child that you wanted to introduce to the Japanese culture and say, a Hispanic child that you introduce to the Japanese culture, what is the difference? You need to realize that unless you plan to haul your ass to Japan and live there, your child will grow up in the American culture regardless. I hope for the child's sake that you really rethink your decision.

Well this has been a goal of mine since I was in fifth grade. Personally your opinions are meaningless to me. Once I set of to do it, I am. I see nothing wrong with it at all, just as if I was going to have a black and white baby. I dont know, half of you people must of been living under a rock for the last five years, but people DO things like this! If they dont like something from there race/culture, they will try and elimate it. A lot of people believe that's it is in there blood, why people act the way they do. That's all im doing. So what I want to adopt a Japanese kid, that will not make me a bad mother. And yes, Gay couple want children, but I know a couple that didn't even pick the same race as them when they went to the sperm bank, and there living a good life. "I like the black and white culture, so I wanted my daughter to be accepted by both." That's what she told me. I understood what she ment. I want the same thing. And as for me being selfish, why can't I? If you dont understand and dont want to help me, then topic closed for discussion. I didn't start this topic to be ridcule by the masses.

I'm an African American female myself. I want to adopt someday too, but as another poster mentioned, a race preference never once came to mind. I just want to give a child a nice home who needs it. A child who is a different race than I would be nice, though, I'll admit, since I do like the idea of different cultures connecting, but I still wouldn't care about the race in question. I've wanted to adopt since I was at least 12. I always said back then, "When I grow up, I want to adopt children since children need homes too."

I think the only way I'd adopt a Japanese child specifically, is if I became a permanent resident of Japan, if it turned out I enjoyed living there or something, have my own place and make a decent salary. You know, convenience since I'd already be there.

If you're anxious to adopt a Japanese child, why not try to find a way to embrace the culture. You know, live there for a while, learn a bit about the culture, learn some of the language and mannerisms associated with the Japanese so that you can share that with the child in question. Or better yet, since you really want the child to know of his/her Japanese heritage and background, it'd probably work best if you lived there to obtain that.

Thank-you, I was thinking that to, or sending the child over there for a while to learn a bit more about it's hertiage. Since Im not Japanese I can't give the child the proper teaching, the only thing I can do is give the child my american ways, which I do not want to do. I want the child to know that both cultures/races are wonderful and to imprint that into there lives. Im just thinking this will be easier the way for them to be accepted.

Now this I don't fully agree with since I believe in parent/child bonding. I couldn't imagine having a child, and then sending him/her off to his/her home country by his/herself. Where would the child stay? Who would the child live with?

It'd probably be beneficial for both the child and the parent if the parent lived in the home country of the child since the parent feels it's important for the child to learn of her heritage and culture. That way, the parent can learn as well.

The child can learn, but it's important that the parent can be able to implement some knowledge as well. I don't think it's right that you have the child learning about his/her heritage, but the parent not learning about it right along side with him/her.

If living in the states, you could always put your child in a class or get lessons to learn Japanese language and culture, and you can learn alongside with him/her. You could even plan to take a trip to Japan every year, since you obviously don't seem to want to live there.

If a baby is adopted into an American home, "it's" (as you so kindly put it) heritage is American.

How close do you feel to your African heritage?

The only way you are going to raise a Japanese baby is if you live in Japan.

If you are so ready to ship "it" off to Japan, I'd really like to know the answer to this question:

Why do you want a baby?

Lets just get down to the heart of the matter and point out that it's virtually impossible for a foreign person to adopt a Japanese child in the first place. There aren't many Japanese children up for adoption to begin with. The ones that are will go to Japanese parents living in Japan, not to people overseas. Third, Japanese adoption laws are rather iffy - the biological birth parent of the child you adopted can request to have their child back if they wanted to, at any point, and there would be not much you can do about it.

If every culture has its "flaws", then why do you want a Japanese child so much more than any other? Japan is a first-world nation and doesn't have issues with poverty or famine or anything like that. I think you will find that it is impossible for you to adopt from Japan.

Now you're pretty much stereotyping. Japan has its share of lazy students and under achievers just like every other country. It all goes back to the parenting in general. If the parent doesn't care about his/her child's school work, then the child probably won't take it seriously either. If the parent gets on his/her child to do the best he/she can in school and take a healthy interest in his/her child's school work, then the child will more than likely do well with it or at least try. Just because someone has a Japanese child doesn't mean that that child will miraculously and automatically do well in school.

I have a friend from Osaka, Natsuko, who's living here in Richmond and going to the University near me. She's been working hard on getting her Masters (sorry, can't recall the the field of study right off). She's Japanese, but ironically, she's terrible when it comes to math and science, something that the Japanese are supposed to be geniuses with. You really shouldn't be stereotyping in such a way.Probably like most African Americans I know, far from it, since we can't trace our roots to figure that out. Not all, mind you, have this problem, but most people I've come across do, my own family included. Our heritage was, technically, stripped away from us when our ancestors were brought over here. You know, forced to learn another language and forced to embrace a whole other culture, while our own kind of "vanished" over the years.

I sometimes wonder if this is the reason why I'm so interested in learning about so many other cultures since I don't really know much about my own and don't know of a way to actually learn about it since when I was old enough to even question it, the older members of my family, had already passed on.

I guess I am still looking for the answer to the question:

Why do you want a baby?

And Hatred Copter is right. Japan is going through a population crisis right now. They aren't letting any babies out of the country that they don't have to.

Picking a culture is not like picking out shower curtains. Unless you live in Japan, your child is going to be raised in your culture and your heritage, like it or not.

When it all comes down to it, you`re picking and choosing a nationality for your baby. NOT a culture. NOT a race (although by default a Japanese child would be Asian, you`re not willing to settle for an Asian baby. You want a Japanese baby.)

In other words - You`re picking a nationality because you think that nationality is cool.

You seem to be totally missing the fact that nationality and location of birth have pretty much NOTHING to do with how the child turns out. The culture you grow up in is what makes the difference. If you want your child to turn out well, and work hard as a parent... Race, nationality, etc will not matter. And to go the other way, if you`re an awful parent it won`t fix your mistakes either.
If you don`t want your children to pick up the perceived flaws of your home culture, the only way to prevent it would be to remove yourself from said culture. Unless you plan on keeping your child locked up in the house 24/7 with no exposure to other people or even to television and other cultural medias... The child WILL be part of your home culture. Deal with it. It doesn`t make a speck of difference what country they were from. Once you`re their parent, your home culture is their home culture. You can change your in-home culture in any way you like, and incorporate Japanese ideals into it. But you will NEVER be able to change outside culture and peer pressure - so your child will always end up as part of your "home" culture.

I could really care less if you want to have a racially diverse family. But that isn`t what you`re saying. You are saying you want Japanese children for a very specific purpose - to send them to Japan to learn about a culture they very well might have no interest in at all. Not because you want a diverse family - because you want them to do something YOU think would be cool. In reality, children with Japanese blood who were raised outside Japan have the most problems if they come to Japan. They usually take the longest to learn the language, and experience the most stress in daily life. Everyone who I`ve met in that situation ended up wanting nothing more than to leave within a month or two. But of course, your children would be perfect right? Do wonderfully in school, grow up 100% Japanese in spite of not being exposed to the culture, and have these magical genetic powers of language acquisition...? Ha!

To be totally honest, I`m not at all concerned that you`ll actually realize this "plan". No adoption agency in it`s right mind would approve you. You don`t want a child, you want a idealistic proxy. I`m more concerned that you really think this is a viable option. That it`s alright to obtain a child in order to "live through them". You seem to have some serious issues with your own race and culture that you DEFINITELY need to work out before you even give any thought to having a child of your own.

It sounds like more than anything, that you need counselling.

Personally, I think culture is nothing to be proud OR ashamed of... but it sounds like you have self-esteem issues relating to your perception of your race/culture, so I'd suggest looking for positive things about African American culture. I know there are plenty of African American heroes and legends out there.

On a side note- I learnt about the Tuskeegee airmen about a year ago. (I'm not American so forgive my ignorance) and I thought that was one of the most amazing stories I've ever heard. The ONLY fighter wing in WW2 to NEVER lose a bomber under escort.... and they were all black top guns! They had to not only prove themselves in the air but tolerate the disgraceful prejudice by some of their comrades and countrymen at the time. Amazing!

First time I ever heard I need counselling because I dont think my culture all that great. And blankly, it's full of bull. I should say it's more of the community fault then the culture, again a lot of it has been lost. But when you walk in my shoes, then you tell me if it's so great or not. Yes, we have our famous people who did wonderful things. But in my mind today, the bad is starting to outweigh the good. I was not trying to sterotype anyone, it just came out wrong. But in this day and age you can pick what traits\genes you want to surpress. That's what I want. As I stated before, some people believe's it's in your blood the way people act the way they do. I never said Japan was the magic making country, but to me there values are pretty high, school system better, kids more respectable. Maybe it's in there blood, maybe it's not. Like I said before, I didn't post this to be ridculed by the masses, keep your negative comments to yourself. Anyways Im already finacially stable, so why not have kids? I was just going to wait till 25 to live a little, but I dont feel that Im missing much. I would still feel the same way if I felt that Hawaiian/French/Spanish culture was the best. This is just a gateway to help. I once never said that other cultures were not smart. I know some Asian who have asked me questions, and we both did not know the answears to. I just think they have better priorties, then most races. I dont think you can infuse something into you that your not apart of, yes you can learn, but never become apart of. In the long run I think im doing the right thing, so really END of discussion!

Japanese values are NOT in their blood. It's in their culture.

It's very clear to me that what you need to do is find a way to live in Japan.

Maybe you ought to find another culture to cherry-pick your baby from, because your preconceived notions about Japan aren't quite so accurate. How do you know what they're like if you haven't been there?

The Japanese school system sucks (every year they talk about reforming it, and it never happens), kids bully each other all the time in Japanese schools, and the suicide rate in Japan is through the roof. Still sound appealing to you? I'm not saying Japan is any worse off than we are, I'm pointing out that every culture has its ups and downs. And also, I've never ever heard of anyone saying 'the way people act' is 'in their blood'. That's nonsense. If there were any truth at all to that, I'm sure geneticists and other scientists would have noted this a long, long time ago.

Oh I think you DEFINITELY need counselling after hearing that.

I'm not trying to be offensive when I say you need counselling. I'm actually trying to be supportive. I think it's sad that a person feels inferior because of their cultural heritage (and annoying when they feel superior because of it.)

Like I said before, there are some self-esteem issues that seem to be surfacing in your posts that are a result of the way you percieve your own culture compared to others. I don't know why you feel you or your culture inferior... what is it about being black that you don't want to be associated with? And what is it about Japanese culture that makes you think they are better disciplined?

I hate to say it, but I agree somewhat with this. Seriously, seems we're the only race that justifies using a degrading word amongst ourselves. Natsuko (the lady I mentioned earlier) and I were talking about racial stereotypes, and she did say, in Japan (which I already knew anyway) with blacks, it's all thug/rap stuff they get exposure too, so those who like that type of stuff, dresses up in the clothes to emulate what they see on television. I know that's sad, but that's where the parenting comes in. Parents are supposed to instill good values into their kids, regardless of society. I'm "African American" too, as I pointed out. If I have a child, I plan on teaching him/her the necessities in life, not to go by what you see on television and to never be afraid of learning or obtaining a higher knowledge, etc. Regardless of the race of the child, a parent is supposed to do this anyway. Anywho, this sounds more like "society" you're having a problem with, not our (African American) race.I find this very sad that you want to suppress certain genes because you're ashamed of them. In a way, you sound ashamed to be African American. I can see being embarrassed by some (I watched this reality show today about Snoop Dogg and they went to Germany to a restaurant and I was embarrassed for the way they were acting as both blacks and Americans), but never ashamed.

The only thing I'd consider "suppressing" are genes that can lead to medical conditions. I have an underactive thyroid, slow metabolism, diabetes, and probably PCOS (it's a condition that affects females, which is common), I"d suppress stuff like that as opposed to this other stuff you're implying.The way people are around you has a lot more to do with it, for the most part. As I said before. If one have parents who don't care or play a role in his/her life, then the child probably won't care about what goes on in it, and "act out".That's only what the media allows you to see. IMO, they have a really screwed up school system, but I'd still like to witness it first hand from the teacher's side (or in my case, teaching assistant's side). Also, just like every country you have kids that are respectful and then those who aren't. You have your juvenile delinquents everywhere. It's not like they don't exist in Japan.

As for the other stuff you mentioned, that's just how their society is. That's just how they're raised because when they leave the country, they take the stuff they learned, of that society, with them. I'm sure a Japanese person born and raised in a place like say...England would act more like a person of England as opposed to one of Japan since that's where he/she grew up.I really don't think it's in their blood. It's the society and culture. It's just their way. Maybe you should really consider learning some of the language and living there for a while so that you can learn something.I wish I could say that. Here I am, 26, going on 27, and I still can't afford to move out of my parents' home, which sucks, since I wanted to have at least one child before the age of 30, but at the rate I'm going, I don't think I'll be able to.You're coming across that way, though, so maybe you should reword. Even to me you're saying that African Americans are not intelligent, you want to "suppress" some of your African American "genes" so that the child can be smart.That depends on the family.

We blacks are perceived as lazy, thuggish, can't be trusted, stupid, criminals, sex-crazed (*points to shows like Maury Povitch*), curse every other word, speak in ebonics, can only have jobs pertaining to "entertainment", on government assistance or welfare, even though I read someplace that there are a whole lot more whites on welfare than blacks (but media doesn't show this), etc. We really are looked down upon, but that's why it's up to those of our race to stand out and show that we aren't the negatives that society has associated with us. Look at the candidate running, Obama, here for our presidency. He's received death threats early on into his campaigning, and on the news, I heard something about the KKK wanting to do a march. I really don't feel many people are going to vote for Obama in fear of his life.

I feel that the OP has a problem with how we are portrayed in media and such and I have a problem with it too and ashamed of most of it, but the difference between me and the original poster, I try to stand out from the negative stereotypes. I like being perceived as "smart" and such. I think the OP really needs to work on her self image issues (which to me, she does seem to have), and worry about adoption later.

I see. I thought that might have something to do with it.

Personally I don't look to "gangsta rappers" or "hoodlums" as ambassadors of blackness or acting on behalf of black people. I think that anybody that does is an idiot.... (or perhaps sheltered like I imagine your Japanese friend to be as I'm under the impression that there aren't many black people in Japan as most, if not all Japanese are Asian and most non-Asian foriegners in Japan are white.)

Anyway... I respect and agree with your outlook. The problem is not with her culture, it's with society (regardless of race)

i read the first sentence of this post and almost died. its been your goal since the 5th grade...? you definitely need to re-think your decision. you know when i was in the 5th grade i wanted to join the army because it seemed cool...but now...fuck no

i agree with many of you here. you need to go to japan to see first-hand what japanese culture is all about. i agree with you that japanese are more respectful in some ways but there are always a few who are quite nasty. the school system is not better because as someone else pointed out before...there are huge problems with bullying, suicide, and incompetent school management.

you need to have more pride in being black. just because you think there are more bad things than good things in your culture doesn't mean you need to be ashamed of it. muslims arent ashamed of themselves just because a few fundamentalist radicals go out and bomb themselves. not all black people are thugs. i know quite a few successful and pleasant black people.

Oh, she knows that not all black people are like that. We were just talking about the stereotypes in general, and she was going on to say how it's easy for blacks to be stereotyped in such a way because of what's shown in the media over there and the lacks of blacks there in a general sense. She even said that over there, seems that most people expect the black women to all look like Beyonce. We were both laughing at that. I'm far from looking like Beyonce, like most black women, not that I'd complain if I did. lol

It's like how Asians are stereotyped as being highly intelligent and smart when it comes to their academics. It's a nice stereotype, but I'm sure someone who lives in an area where he/she rarely encounters Asians will have this preconceived notion. It's even an on running joke when it comes to Asians being smart. Another stereotype is that all Asians know marital arts. Very unrealistic, but the same thing can apply since most of our media consists of Asians in a role where they're doing some type of a martial art or using that skill. The most well-known Asians we have exposure to here in the states are Martial Artists. Some people probably think if they go to Asia, they'll find a bunch of ninjas and samurais walking around. That's how the conversation was, for the most part. We weren't agreeing with the stereotypes, just talking about how easy it is for one to believe in some of these.Maybe so, but the fact that she wants to "suppress genes" had me thinking that she might have an issue with being black too. As for the American part, and the bad school thing, as I said before, that's what parents are for. If parents take an active role in their child's life, education especially, then the child will more than likely do well in school, or make education a priority. It was in my household. My mother was always on me to do the best that I could in school. I wasn't the best student (average to above average at most), but I did find school important...although, I did slack in 11th grade. For once in my life, the school work was just too overwhelming for me..that was also the last year I bothered with honors or advanced classes...'cept for Gov't in 12th.

From what I've read, the PTA has a big say in the way the schools are run, which I have a bit of a problem with. In a way, I really feel that the Japanese school system mollycoddles the students, but this is my interpretation based on what I've read. I've yet to actually observe or witness this.

With bullying, I never knew too much pertaining to that, but I did know about the suicide thing, but, I always heard of suicide cases with University students, not younger ones.

I see.. it's cool :D

Exactly, it's the whole nature versus nurture thing. While it is true that some people get a genetic head start in terms of intelligence, athletic ability etc. The fact is that nurture is a LOT more important.

And before the OP misunderstands and believes that this genetic headstart correlates with race, she should know that in fact race has NO genetic basis. Overall, there is as much genetic variation between races as there is within a particular race. The only genes she can really "suppress" with any conscious effort are ones governing physical appearance. And if indeed she believes that Asians are "better looking" than Africans then that proves that she needs counselling.