Advice please?
 

I'm right now in a difficult situation. I'm having a dream, a dream who seems to be able to become reality; to study Japanese in Japan. This idea is wandering in my mind for a long time, even before I got my girlfriend.

So, my idea was to study Japanese in Japan next year, it's becoming a bit more real now because of the support of my parents. I found a university which I like and I'll probably try to go there (I have got another year at high school here). But the other side is; how on earth will I explain this to my girlfriend? I love her and I don't want to leave her and stuff; but should I give up my dream for her? I haven't told her a thing about it. My other friends already know a bit about it, but she doesn't know a thing (I'm afraid to hurt her). She once told me she wanted to travel but I don't know if this would be the moment for her (she said that it was something for when she was older). I don't believe I can drag her all the way to Japan, but I think she would go crazy if I left....(I think she would, at least the way she is now) I'm just clueless on how to prevent a disaster.

Sorry for the big story which wasn't really exciting, nor intresting but it is bothering me a lot. I can't talk about it with my friends because they don't want me to go and my parents do support me but prefer I stay too.
I'm so close on realizing this, but I seem to be so far at the same time.
Please give me some advice?

Opportunities like this don't come often in life. If you are really serious, then a year is not that long for someone to wait. You have the Internet and can chat daily if you want.

I think you were wrong when you have a girlfriend and you in the same time you want to go to japan...but anyway you must to tell here that you are have to travel to japan cuz you have a very important work...and tell here;..i will talk to you by chating in the net...and when you leave you will go with here...or travel to japan one year and back to your home one year....
i hope from God to end your big problem....

yea i agree with MMM an opertunity to go to japan, a place to study AND the support of youre parents is a rare one. If you truly love her and she does back you two could make things work. i mean you could chat over a webcam, have diner togeth over webcam (ok a bit ambishiouse, but it could work), you could travel back and forth-spend a week back with her , then another time in the year she could fly and see you. many people have long distance relationships so i think it will work out.
-but i belive if she try's to stop you going, well you should break up and i know that might sound a bit harsh but what type of girlfreind,partner or just freind if she let you miss shuch a wonderfull opertunity.

I think the first step is to tell your girlfriend.

I think you two need to talk about it so that you can figure out the right answer for yourself. If, based on your conversation with her, you decide that you'd rather be with her because you think that you'll have a long future with her - then, that would be the best choice. Stay home. Japan will always be there. You'll have many opportunities to go there later in life. If you really love your girlfriend, and you think that you might love her for a while, then I wouldn't give that up so easily.

But if you speak with her and it turns out that you two aren't sure that you'll definitely have a future with each other, then maybe it's best to follow your dream. You'll have many opportunities to go to Japan later in life, but if your reason for staying isn't that important, then hell - you might as well do it now.

Ultimately, though, that's something that you should choose for yourself.

Good dreams are always nice.. She will follow if she wants to..

Let her go with her own feelings, not with your's.

Go now. I had to wait a year for my wife to get her visa, it just made it better when she finally came home. Your girlfriend can wait.

In my opinion, a relationship will be difficult to keep going for a year without seeing one another. It could be a relationship between two people absolutely made for each other - but if they don't see each other, it might be pretty difficult to keep the relationship going. I think that relationships are important for people. Anyone can live anywhere in the world - but I don't know if people can be truly happy without loving relationships. So, I kind of think it's important to consider relationships. Dreams are important, but what will a person have after they've reached the top if they decided to leave everyone behind? OP, like I said before, if you don't think that this is a serious relationship - then yeah, definitely go for Japan.

Maybe I'm mistaken, but I think there are many opportunities to go to Japan - in high school, in undergrad, in graduate school, and as an adult out of school. For example, there are many scholarships like the Ambassadorial Scholarship from Rotary that will pay for their students to go abroad. Then there are countless volunteer programs, job opportunities... the list goes on and on. I'm about to go to Japan for the third time and I'm still in college. I'm looking at this from the point of view of someone who is an adult, who is in Japan for the fifth time because of the endless opportunities, and who is wondering, "What would have happened if I'd stayed with the love of my life?"

I still think the OP needs to talk to his/her girlfriend, though, to figure if she is the love of his life and is important enough to stay with.

As bad as it may seem at the moment, I would say to just break up for the time being. I`ve been there, done that, and it didn`t really end well.

Asking someone to wait for your dream is selfish if you TRULY care about them. Just make sure you are very clear as to why you want to end the relationship. Being away from someone for a year is going to put a huge amount of stress on her (but not you, really, as you`ll be in a different environment with other things to think about and little time to become depressed.)

If you come back in a year and you still feel strongly toward each other, there is going to be nothing to stop you from getting back together. In my case, I burned my bridges (so to speak) to avoid regretting things, but... I don`t think it was the wrong decision in the long run. The other party was able to get over it fairly quickly, and they were probably happier in the long run... And I was free to really think about the future without wondering if I`d be hurting them.

Well falling in love is not a reason to give up opportunities that come once in a life time.

What you need to do is sit down with her and explain what is going on. Your hopes and dreams and how you wont be leaving her forever. If she loves you she wouldn't want to keep you from your dreams she would encourage you to do your best. This is something that would make your dreams become real. Even if you love her and leaving her behind to pursue your dreams seems like It would crush your whole being, believe me when i say that there is some love that doesn't last forever. I'm not saying you should break up or something. I'm just saying that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. If she is willing to wait for you to come back it would only strengthen your bond together. It would push and test your relationship. If your really meant to be together you will find a way to work things out and work hard to make it work!!

I dont feel it is selfish for him to ask her wait for his dream. A year is a long time to break up and expect something that may not happen. In a year she would have most likely moved on or tried to. Not to mention if they just break up it could hurt her really badly and she may not want to come back to him knowing the pain he caused her before.

If they love each other i feel they can find a way to work things out, but maybe him taking our advice might not be the answer, Sometimes you have to figure it out on your own. He needs to talk to his girlfriend and find out how she feels. They can go over the options they have

A long distance relationship, break up, or move together.

Im sure if they talk about it they can find what works for them. Who knows maybe she will want to go with him or maybe she would want to end the relationship because she cant deal with what is going on.

I think they need to find a way to work it out together.

That is where you make it CLEAR the reasoning behind it. It would be pretty hard for her to be upset if she were told that he wanted her to wait for him, but didn`t want to force her to or make her lonely while he was away... So "set her free" so to speak, with the wish that she`ll still be waiting.

In the end, it`s all just words. They`re not married, nor are they engaged. It`s not like this is suddenly calling off a wedding. If the feelings are strong enough, she`ll wait regardless of whether there is a "we`re officially dating!" sticker on there or not. And it goes the other way - if she were going to move on, she`ll do so regardless. Only with that official little title there, it will just cause pain for both sides if that happens in the end. If the relationship NEEDS to have something stopping both sides from forgetting about the other, there wasn`t much to it in the first place.

A year is a very long time at that point in life. Both will be quite different individuals at the end of that year. I think it would be a much better outcome for them to get to know each other again after he comes back than trying to maintain a relationship over that length of time.

And if she freaks out about the possibly temporary breakup and wants him to give up his dream, chances are that is a pattern that will continue through life. Let her free to do as she wishes (including waiting) and come back an improved individual.

Yeah, I really agree with this. Love is so underrated. =)

Thank you all for your advice, it helps me a lot!

I agree that a year would be a really long time for her to wait, especially because I don't think she is the type to wait. Next year she will be going to university (yah, she's older) and we won't be able to see each other, maybe not even in the weekends. But even though, I don't think it will affect us that much, I'm a person who needs to have space from time to time. I think it would be the best to tell her in that period that I want to study in Japan. We see each other a lot right now and I believe she might react a bit radical (or something like that). I recall me having already said something among the lines 'I think I'll have to go to another university' and she was a bit angry and asked me 'You must be joking right?'. Ever since I didn't even dare to say 'Japan'.

I will keep all of your advice in mind when I will be finally taking the step of telling her. I think that breaking up would be really hard on her.
There’s a tricky side to it though. She has been my best friend for 2 years, supported me with high school (my first year at high school was a nightmare, especially ‘cause I didn’t speak the language) and broke up with her boyfriend for me (even though I wasn’t aware of it). So if I’d break up with her, I’m afraid it would ruin our friendship on the same time.
I’m such a mess

Well, beside that, I’ve read all the comments and I think they are all useful, so thanks! It’s so nice of you all to put time in typing down your advice and thinking of someone you don’t even know, I really appreciate it!

I spent a year in Japan with my girlfriend stuck half of the time in the States and the other half across the pond. A year is easy.

And you're in high school. The odds of you ending up with your current girlfriend, like it or not, are basically nonexistent. Everyone likes to pretend they're different, but take it from an idealist-turned-realist like me, if you have a choice between chasing your dreams and a girl in high school, you go after your dreams.

You will regret not chasing a dream the rest of your life. After being married to someone else for 30 years, you will not regret the one that got away when you were 17.

Edit I just read your last response. Hate to tell you, man, but she's going to go off to college and have sex with many guys next year. Your relationship will not last. High school guy, college girl, separate cities? Not happening. Statistically highly improbable.