The Japanese Girl I like is shy around me, please help!.
 

Hi, I have a Japanese friend who I really like, I've known her for a year and I want to tell her that I like her. The thing is she seems quite shy around me, otherwise she is talkative with others.

We both like the same type of Music, and she even taught me Japanese during term time at my University.

Sometimes when I speak to her, she is very cheerful and smiles a lot when speaking to me... but there are times where she seems cold, e.g. she doesn't talk as much when I speak to her... by giving simple short answers and only giving a 'polite smile'. I know how to read body language of normal people, but shy girls are difficult to read.

Does she behave like this to mask her feelings for me... or maybe she just doesn't like me at all?. I want to feel most confident when I tell her how much I love her. I'm a very serious person, I haven't had a girlfriend before because I have been waiting for the right person... but I really think she might be the one!.

I get the feeling she looks at me when I am facing away from her, but when I look back, her head is facing down on the floor or another direction.

I'm also shy around her as a reaction to her shyness. We have gone out together with other friends and have 'hugged' as friends when she returned to Japan for the summer holiday... but I'm afraid I might get stuck in the 'just friends' box if I leave it too late.

Also when I speak to her, she doesn't seem too open, she doesn't talk too much about herself... but is this because she is shy?. There are a lot of things that I want to feel sure about before I put myself out there and confess my love for the first time.

please can you tell me what you think?

Thank you!!

ほんとにありがとうございます！！

Is she an exchange student, or living there permanently? How old are both of you?

She is from Japan and studying in the UK for three years. She is just a year older than me, but we are in the same year of University. We will both be 3rd year students from September... if she does go back to Japan, I won't mind moving there just to be with her... I'm going to do a teaching degree in England although I am studying IT... so I will be able to teach IT and English... I think that will be valued in Japan right?.

We have no communication problems, she speaks fluent English...although she is native Japanese.

I am 22 and she just turned 23.

it sounds like she likes you to me

It isn't uncommon for young Japanese women who go overseas to be allowed to go with the stipulation that they don't fall for a foreigner. Have she dated other men? If not, this might be the case.

No she hasn't, do you mean that she might not date foreigners?. What you say might be true, but she does seem like a genuinely shy person so I don't think she has been asked by anyone else.

Do you think this is why she behaves in this manner or perhaps it is for some other reason?.

I wouldn't know, as I don't know her. It may not be that she doesn't like foreigners, but that she made a promise to her family not to date/marry one. At 23 they [her parents] will begin to be thinking about marriage. How hands on they are depends on the family...I am just guessing here...but I do know more than one female Japanese exchange student that was told not come back to Japan with a boyfriend.

I wouldn't know something like that, but maybe I can get one of my female friends to try to ask some questions to her for me. She does seem like she comes from a very respectable family, she is different to other Japanese girls and more refined (very polite, less 'kawai' attitude and always dresses in a dignified manner).

I can understand that some parents would say that, I know people from other countries that have parents like that.

I think the only way I will know is when I ask her... I really hope her parents aren't like that.

I think she knows already that you like her. I had experienced with that type of situation before. At first, they act friendly, but when they figure out that you like them, they either like you and get shy around you, or don't like you and try to stay away from you. It could be either one. Best of luck for you mate.

Just tell her you like her. After all you can't read her body language therefore the only option you really have is the direct approach.

If you think there's a danger it could ruin your friendship or if you can foresee fundamental difficulties in a potential relationship with her then that's a call you have to make.

Therefore in my opinion you have two options
-be direct about your feelings with her.
-resign yourself to the fact that she's unattainable based on the circumstances/risks and just enjoy your friendship with her for what it is.

just ask her out for coffee or something

Exactly :rolleyes:

Why do you like her even? Because she's Japanese?

I think you need to sit back for a minute and take a deep breath. Moving to Japan for your 'first' love is not always the most thought-through idea.

I cannot tell you if she's shy, but if her responses are directly COLD then she's not interested. You don't automatically become 'cold' and 'careless' because you're shy.

If you confess, you might scare her off. Especially if you're the kind of guy to overexclamate your feelings and kind of get her caught in between them. If you wanna tell her - and if you really like her - then do it in a calm, decent way. No huge-ass love confessions, cause if she don't feel the same, you'll scare her off. Hell if you go all Shakespeare on her, you might scare her off anyway.

It really might depend on her family. I know someone who met a Japanese girl who studied at a Big 10 school and ended up getting married to a American. True the guy was like the son of some architect and had a set Job after school so finance wasn't an issue. I think her parents were all for it because they felt thier daughter would have a better chance to succeed in the states on her own merits, than perhaps she would in Japan.

Course that's second hand info so I could be completely off my rocker here. Not that I'm not normally off my rocker to begin with, but hey.

You might want to check into how her family would respond, it could forstall alot of grief later all the way around.

I think you should just tell her how you feel. If you don't, it will eat you alive. Best of luck!

Plus, many are shy anyway. It's a national trait to be less forthcoming than Westerners. Give her signs and let her read them.

Guessing a girl's feelings is not a good idea.Its best just do what everybody else says just try to find out yourself.But don't just bluntly tell her you like her and see if she is feeling the same.Maybe you could ask her to go out somewhere with some friends(to the movies or something) to find out more about her.But she may not depending if she dosen't really like you or just really shy.Whatever it is just make sure you don't rush her because you'll end up pushing her away.

Even if she's shy, she will say yes, if she likes him. No doubt about it.

Take her out, order a few Sake for you and her, It will impress as a cultural thing, pop your arm around her, rub your fingers softly with a slight tickle on the back of her neck, pull her towards you and get those lips wet. She will then understand.

You can live the nipple teasing until you get home;)

any update?

go for it
 

I just read your issue which just sounds like what my bf said b4 we go out.
usually Japanese females are nice and like to help a person who is trying to learn Japanese outside of Japan but it is not hard to see if a girl likes you or not.

my bf also mentions, i always gave him polite smile while i was teaching him english, could not tell how I really feel. he actually asked me for being a relationship a month b4 i go back to Japan (yes, he was also afraid) it seems like you guys dont have enough time either... so you should better go for it as soon as possible.

n come on if she does not like you that will prove that she is not THE ONE.

gambatte!:vsign:

fyi, im japanese and my bf is american

go 4 it
 

I just read your issue which just sounds like what my bf said b4 we go out.
usually Japanese females are nice and like to help a person who is trying to learn Japanese outside of Japan but it is not hard to see if a girl likes you or not.

my bf also mentions, i always gave him polite smile while i was teaching him english, could not tell how I really feel. he actually asked me for being a relationship a month b4 i go back to Japan (yes, he was also afraid) it seems like you guys dont have enough time either... so you should better go for it as soon as possible.

n come on if she does not like you that will prove that she is not THE ONE.

gambatte!:vsign:

fyi, im japanese and my bf is american

try inviting her to some places with you.i dunno if it will work but i wish the best for you and hope it does.

Look at it in a different way.
 

Look at it this way, if you presume she doesn't like you and don't ask. Then nothing will ever happen and you'll feel rejected any way because you think she doesn't like you even if she does. so that's a situation where you will definitely lose.

However if you ask the girl you like, she might say yes, even if you have doubts. So with this situation you actually have a chance of being with her.

Just ask her man, good luck :)

Please realize you are necroposting by answering a question asked by a person who hasn't been on this site in well over a year.