|
Quote:
The way I see it, it isn't selfish. Parents hire babysitters and let family members take care of their children all of the time. When I said, "take to grandmas," I meant for a few hours. I didn't mean for the child's life. In my experience, everyone does that. I guess this is just another difference in opinions, but to me, having a child doesn't mean that the parent's life completely stops. Yes, a parent needs to sacrifice a lot to raise a child properly, but parents are human beings with life goals and ambitions also. I'm not saying that a parent should lock their kid up in the house while they go off to Las Vegas to party their life away, but if they have a set career in mind, why shouldn't that parent go for it? What if sacrificing absolutely everything for the child makes the parent unhappy? Do you think that an unhappy, depressed parent is more fit to raise a child? |
Quote:
|
I'd never eat something my dad would make. Moms FTW.
Anyway, I don't know but I have this feeling that women are generally cleaner than men. As in, keeping the place they live in a better shape. I think women are more capable of doing housework. |
Quote:
Quote:
There are things a mother will teach a child and there are things a father will teach a child. These aren't necessarily the same things. The fact that so many men in prison didn't have fathers is testament to this. Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
|
Quote:
Let us say that single parent here works ONLY 8 hours a day, on the dot, every day. That leaves 4 waking hours for the child. Maybe one in the morning, add another for the trip to work and back, and we have 2 hours left in the evening for "parenting". 75% of the child`s life is spent being cared for by someone else. 75% of the most important developmental periods in a child`s life is in the hands of someone OTHER than the parent. If this is a grandparent or steady caretaker, then it`s a *better* situation than the typical daycare - where people quit and new people come in all the time. Unfortunately, most of the time it is a typical daycare to which the child goes. But in the end, normally people wouldn`t consider 2~3 hours with a babysitter or grandparent having them "raise" the child - but yet are happy to say they are raising the child when their time spent may be even less. I have acquaintances in the US who are full time workers and single parents. They eat breakfast with their children, deliver them to daycare... Then come home and pay the babysitter for picking the kid up from daycare and watching them until they slept. Give their baby a kiss on the forehead, then repeat the next day. How can this be considered a good and responsible parent? It baffles me. (ETA; And they are completely confused as to why the child doesn`t listen to them, has bonding issues, or speech delays.) Quote:
I don`t have a problem with a parent having a career. The thing is, why have a child if you`re not going to be the one raising it? When there is no choice - unexpected pregnancy, divorce, etc - I don`t have any problems with it. But choosing to have a child you`ll barely have any time for just seems incredibly selfish to me. Quote:
|
Quote:
I have said more than once that there are successful single-parent family children and screwed-up kids from two-parent homes. HOWEVER, statistically children from two-parent homes have more success and get in less trouble than children from single-parent homes. This is basic stuff, and I hope no one is going to deny this is true. |
Quote:
Quote:
|
Quote:
I said a father figure is a not a negative thing. If you felt I was judging you or saying anything negative directed towards you please let me know. That was not my intention. |
Quote:
lol, not I was showing Mercedes what you said X_X. and no. I should rephrase, IN MY LIFE not having a father figure was a positive outcome. |
Quote:
|
Quote:
Quote:
What do you think a mother will teach a child? What do you think a father will teach a child? Quote:
|
Quote:
Quote:
They should THINK about this before choosing to have a child. I am against people CHOOSING to have a child when they cannot be a responsible parent. Sometimes you have to think about priorities. If you are a single woman, totally dedicated to your career - that career is your priority. No one is going to force you to have a child. It is a choice.[/quote] If they're going to act like how the parents you described above acted, then yes. That's selfish. It's not selfish if they work hard and actually raise their child at the same time, though. It can't work with the regular 9-5 job, no - but maybe I'm imagining myself in my own career path. I want to be a writer. I think it's possible to be a writer and work from home while taking care of a child. Here, again, I guess it's just a gray situation. No, a parent can't raise a child while they're working all day, everyday. Yes, a parent can raise a child while they're working from home, or able to bring the child with them to work, or have a close relative or family friend watch the child if there's every anything the parent must do without the child. |
Quote:
Here's something for you. It doesn't prove or not prove that the children are in "less trouble", but it's pretty interesting. Single Parent Statistics - Average Single Parent Statistics |
Quote:
|
Quote:
|
Quote:
Quote:
This is for the UK: Experiments in Living: The Fatherless Family Children living without their biological fathers: Are more likely to live in poverty and deprivation Children living in lone-parent households are twice as likely to be in the bottom 40% of household income distribution compared with children living in two-parent households (75% versus 40%). Are more likely to have emotional or mental problems After controlling for other demographic factors, children in lone-parent households are 2.5 times as likely to be sometimes or often unhappy. They are 3.3 times as likely to score poorly on measures of self-esteem. Among children aged five to fifteen years in Great Britain, those from lone-parent families were twice as likely to have a mental health problem as those from intact two-parent families (16% versus 8%). Among children aged five to fifteen years in Great Britain, those from lone-parent families were twice as likely to have a mental health problem as those from intact two-parent families (16% versus 8%). Have more trouble in school After controlling for other demographic factors, children from lone-parent households were 3.3 times more likely to report problems with their academic work, and 50% more likely to report difficulties with teachers. It goes on and on... Girls from lone-parent households were 1.6 times as likely to become mothers before the age of 18 (11% versus 6.8%). Controlling for other factors did not reduce the comparative odds. At age 15, boys from lone-parent households were twice as likely as those from intact two-birthparent households to have taken any drugs (22.4% compared with 10.8%). Girls from lone-parent homes were 25% more likely to have taken drugs by the age of 15 (8.2% compared with 6.5%) and 70% more likely to have taken drugs by age 18 (33.3% compared with 19.6%). After controlling for poverty, teenagers from lone-parent homes were still 50% more likely to take drugs. 85% of Youths in Prison Grew Up in Fatherless Home 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes (Source: U.S. D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census 70% of juveniles in state-operated institutions come from fatherless homes (Source: U.S. Dept. of Justice, Special Report, Sept 1988) 85% of all youths sitting in prisons grew up in a fatherless home (Source: Fulton Co. Georgia jail populations, Texas Dept. of Corrections 1992) ScreenShot002.png (image) I could go on, but it would seem like filibustering. Quote:
Quote:
|
Quote:
Thanks for the stats. Seems like you're right on the national/international scale, though I'd really like to show you the stats from where I'm from. I haven't been able to find any, though. :/ A lot of information comes up, but I'm not really in the mood to look through everything right now. I have the feeling that it'll show how strong our community is, even though there are so many single-mother households. I guess I can come back to update later if I find something. |
Quote:
|
Double post... Oops
|
So lets just subject women to the monotony of the business world -- and leave our children to be raised by the failing public school system
The "womens movement" was encouraged, and even funded, by the Federal Reserve. You say women are slaves taking care of their children, when in all actuality, they are being enslaved by the Federal Government.. It seems to me like you think a stay-at-home mother couldn't live a fulfilling life. |
Quote:
I'm not sure what you're talking about when you bring up the federal reserve and government. Can you point me to some articles so that I can educate myself? I don't believe all stay-at-home mothers can't live a fulfilling life. I believe parents who sacrifice everything - their goals, their happiness - can't live a fulfilling life. |
Quote:
The Federal Reserve and Federal Income Taxes are controlled by independent bankers (on a grand scale)... Not one dime of Income Taxes go into what you think they do, they are immediately absorbed by the massive inflation and debt. These bankers funded private and public Womens Rights organizations, such as the Federal Women's Program (FWP) -- Essentially they were utilizing only 50% of the population for their mass "slavery". |
Quote:
|
Quote:
You can watch it online, too, I'm sure. The documentary is a little dramatic, but it's all factual. |
Quote:
|
Well, I truely think that a stay-at home mom COULD live a furfilling life. I mean, what if the woman likes to be with her children and raise them . What if she does like the cleaning and cooking.(I sure do love cleaning and cooking)
I think it all depends on the person. For example I know a woman(Known since i was four) and she completly hates cooking an cleaning and all that. But her boyfriend(might as well say husband even though they never bothered marrying) absolutly doesn't mind household chores. They have kids, and they both have jobs. But it's just the way they roll. If you can't find it in yourself yo do household chores, my best bet would to either share the chores with your spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend. Whatever they are. Either that or find someone that likes household chores. Best I can think of. |
This is what I think of women and domestication:
Being a woman TODAY, you have many more options with your life, compared to 50 years and beyond. I still think there are MANY biases against women in the workforce (but this totally depends on the job), but women haven't always been turned down for jobs. During wars, women would take up the role of men in leave of their absence. Women have also been teachers, secrataries, nurses, and large roles in the church community in past history-- and even today. And most of all, women have had the most important role of being a mother to nurture their children. During the 1960s, woman have gotten a larger role in the working world. I think that's wonderful, because I'm female myself and I have so many ambitions and goals. But my parents have always told me that being a mother is the most important role if I ever want to have a family. I do have A LOT of goals once I graduate high school and go into the real world. And my parents are not going to stop me, because they obviously want me to be happy in my life. But once I do settle down and decide to have a family, I want to be there for my kids. Why would I want to let a nanny or baby sitter take care of my children while I'm off working all of the time? I definitely want to keep a job and have kids, but this is something that would have to be discussed with my husband. When I grow up, I definitely want to make rules and boundaries for housework and children with my husband. Depending on who works more, they would have less housework and chores, but they also would have to spend time with kids just as much as whoever is staying home. (though, that would be hard to do, depending on the situation) And I definitely have heard of plenty of stay at home dads, but usually women take on the role because they were the ones built to carry children. But this doesn't mean women can't go out do what they want. A women can have just as much happiness and satisfication having a job and or having children. But having children is a CHOICE between two people. Once you're older, you may want to have kids, and situations ALWAYS change. Depending on your situation and modern day culture, men and women have interchangable roles. What seems womanly a man can do without a problem. What seems manly, a woman can do without a problem. But there are choices people must make, and obviously people mature and constantly change throughout life. ~~~ Did I make sense, or what? @_@ I'm basically saying roles of men and women seriously depend on your situation and the choices you make in life. |
Quote:
|
Quote:
You can't be a father if you are a mother. But for stereotyped roles of being a mother/father, certain things can be reversed (as I have mentioned) like stay at home dads. I also think some people get the idea that because of their body being built to be a male or female they have to be a mother or a father even before conceiving a child. They have the CHOICE to not be a mother or a father if they so choose to be. :) People shouldn't get mad because people pressure them into being a parent. If they want to focus on their career more, by all means DO IT! But there's the problem when people have/want children and want to maintain a job. This requires much thinking and prioritizing. Hopefully, the kids would come first. |
Quote:
No. You don't. You can't be both to a child. That doesn't mean you can't raise a child alone, but that child will be missing something without a father, just as he would be missing something without a mother. I get the feeling (not from you, Yuna) that there is a sense in the world that the role of the father is...less important than that of the mother. I think that needs more close examination. The truckloads of statistics I found, (I only posted a handful) seem to indicate that without a father around, children have more trouble. Quote:
Quote:
|
Quote:
You will never know until you start living together, although I think you will find many men prefer the women to do the housework, the same way many women prefer the men to do the car work. Your relationship will fail placing priorities on silly things like this. I wished my wife wanted me to stay at home;) |
Quote:
After years of this I have learned to truly value to stay-at-home parent. I wish more of my generation would have chosen to either stay at home and raise children, or work full time. One or the other! :mad: I realize that financially this is not always possible, but I am beyond bearing the brunt of other people's poor family planning. |
Good point. I didn't think of that and I'm one of the childless "volunteers".
|
Quote:
I think it's horrible that the idea of having a father or a father-like figure in a child's life seems kind of ousted. Having a father helps give different perspective, helps reinforce parental rules, and another helping member of the household. We also see in much media today that males are usually very silly and irresponsible, and fathers often seem to be the "bad parent" in films that revolve around divorce or parent separation. Not only the mother supports and nurtures children, but the father can really make a difference, like you said, or nurture in a different way. If the father does most work (out of the house) and doesn't get as much time with the children compared to the mother... he's still there, and the children have another supporting pillar in their life. I think having NO father would just be a little psychologically weird or confusing to small children and their development. |
Quote:
I can understand when they would need to leave work because of unexpected child sickness and school breaks/vacations... but I think it's inappropriate to have work schedules changed because of poor planning. But it is appropriate to have schedules changed because of certain holidays when kids are off and the parent needs to watch kids that aren't old enough to be on their own. |
I never thought women and men had "roles" :eek: .
Well I lived by myself for well, ever since I can remember xD so I did most of the dishes, cleaning, etc. Now that my girlfriend moved in though she has been doing a fair share of the house hold things. Was surprised today to actually have nothing to do, she did all the laundry, dishes, cleaning, cooking. So I just changed my car oil and go clean it xD, then we went to The Library (bar). |
Personally, I think whether they stay at home or not is irrelevant. What matters is if they are a good parent or not.
If I had to stay at home all day with a kid, I'd jump off a cliff. For me, having a baby now would be the easy way out. I'd have a house and all my bills paid. But my career comes first over everything, so I don't want children anyway. Working mothers and fathers have positives, if they explain to their children the value of work, which would likely instill work ethic in their children. Stay at home mothers and fathers are able to to spend more time with their children and aid their development. The view that women should stay at home is ridiculous, as it is gender irrelevant. The simple answer to that is not to marry a man who thinks you should. Equally, the point of feminism is that women have the choice to stay at home or not, and it annoys me when women are ridiculed for staying at home. And of course, it annoys me when stay at home Dad's are told that their role is to earn the money, when it's gender irrelevant and probably more income-relevant. |
I give you a round of applause, Miss Misa. :)
|
| All times are GMT. The time now is 04:49 PM. |