Please help me to read this English sentence:

[KyleGoetz]

never mind

Apologies, girigiri

[KyleGoetz]

Originally Posted by YuriTokoro

Hi.
Could you correct my English?

"General Election"

The Prime Minister Aso dissolved the Lower House on July 21th, and a general election will be held on August 30th in Japan.
As you may know, Japanese prime ministers change one after another. Mr. Aso took the seat of prime minister after two former prime ministers’ resigns.
He was elected by LDP (Liberal Democratic Party) members. Almost all the people can’t vote when a prime minister is elected, but only ruling party legislators can.
They elect their boss, and then drag him down. I guess you would think Japanese people are packs of mutts.
Japanese people don’t attempt a coup d’état nor an assassination. Japanese people are meek, docile and quiet. I sometimes watch people in other countries rise against wanton treatment on TV. If that energetic people immigrated to Japan, Japan would be occupied by them. I think Japanese politicians may know that, so they ban immigration from other countries.

Thank you.

Yuri, I've seen a lot of corrections people have made, and some corrections have been very poorly done.

I would like to make corrections and suggestions and pointers, but I sit for the bar exam to become a lawyer tomorrow, the day after, and the day after that. If you have the patience, I would like to come back and make corrections after that.

Additionally, I was once an editor of an academic publication, so I am quite qualified to edit English documents for content, style, and grammar.

In any case, may everyone have a wonderful three days. That's the next time I'll be here, and the next three days will be terrible and terrifying for me.

[Koir]

KyleGoetz's reaction shows exactly why this style of editing is confusing.

The red text is Yuri's original words, with girigiri's corrections in green text. So yes, the red text does demonstrate writing by a non-English speaker...because that is exactly what it is.

Red text: Original post by Yuri Tokoro.
Green additional text: Revisions added by girigiri to correct red text.

KyleGoetz, it may have been useful to read the original post on the previous page to crossreference whose words the coloured text was, instead of jumping to conclusions. Regardless, girigiri has been banned from the forums for a certain length of time apparently due to conflicts with forum members who possess more accurate knowledge of the Japanese language.

tl;dr: Kyle, you're right in a way, but not for the reasons you state.

[KyleGoetz]

Originally Posted by Koir

KyleGoetz's reaction shows exactly why this style of editing is confusing.

The red text is Yuri's original words, with girigiri's corrections in green text. So yes, the red text does demonstrate writing by a non-English speaker...because that is exactly what it is.

Red text: Original post by Yuri Tokoro.
Green additional text: Revisions added by girigiri to correct red text.

KyleGoetz, it may have been useful to read the original post on the previous page to crossreference whose words the coloured text was, instead of jumping to conclusions. Regardless, girigiri has been banned from the forums for a certain length of time apparently due to conflicts with forum members who possess more accurate knowledge of the Japanese language.

tl;dr: Kyle, you're right in a way, but not for the reasons you state.

Thanks for the corrections. I edited the offending post.

[YuriTokoro]

KyleGoetz, I'm sure you'll pass the exam. Good luck!

[YuriTokoro]

Hi.
Could you correct my English?

"A Book: Kushiel’s Dart"

This is a fantasy story written by Jacqueline Carey, which is first published in the U.S. in 2001, so many of you may have read this already. In Japan, this is just published in Japanese.
When I started reading, I thought I had bought a wrong book mistakenly, because the heroine is a courtesan, but then it turned out that this story seemed to be about conspiracies in an aristocratic society. I can’t say with a certainty, because the first volume was divided in three parts, and I just read the first one third. Even so, the story is interesting.
I want to read the next soon, but I don’t know when they publish the second one third or the third. I seem to need to read it in English, but there are too many coined terms and technical terms of a kind of physical pleasures.
Anyway, what amazing of this story is elimination of the Christian kind of moral. Japanese people originally don’t have the moral, so you who grew up in a Christian community would feel the story is specific or unique more than I do.

Thank you.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kushiel's_Dart
Jacqueline Carey's Official Author Site - Books

[Koir]

Originally Posted by YuriTokoro

Hi.
Could you correct my English?

"A Book: Kushiel’s Dart"

This is a fantasy story written in 2001 by Jacqueline Carey. Recently, it has been translated into Japanese and published here.
When I started reading, I thought I had bought the wrong book as the heroine was a courtesan. Reading further, I discovered that the story seemed to be about conspiracies in an aristocratic society. I can’t be absolutely certain because the first volume was divided in three parts, and I just read the first section. Even so, the story is interesting.
I want to read the next one soon, but I don’t know when the other two parts will be released. I seem to need to read it in English as there are too many coined terms and technical terms for different physical pleasures.
Regardless, the amazing part of the story is the elimination of Christian morals. Japanese people originally don’t hold to the same kind of morals, so those who grew up in a Christian community would feel the story is more specific or unique than I do.

Thank you.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kushiel's_Dart
Jacqueline Carey's Official Author Site - Books

I remember seeing Kushiel books on the shelves of the local bookstore, but I had not thought of buying one. From your review, it seems to be interesting and reminds me of a similar book I read years ago. I forget the author, but I remember the title of the book was "Maia". It had the same underlying themes as your book; courtesans, immoral society, and politics. I didn't finish reading it to be honest. Not because I objected to the subject matter, but from the fact the story was very boring.

A two-part book series I *did* finish reading (and enjoying thoroughly) was "The Sarantine Mosiac", written by Canadian author Guy Gavriel Kay. The books were split into two parts "Sailing to Sarantium" and "Lord of Emperors". It had the same theme of political intrigue (set during the last days of the Roman Empire) with a minor focus on a courtesan who was the emperor's wife.

As for the composition of the post, there were some misplaced modifiers needing just minor editing to read more naturally. Also, there was another appearance of sentences where I can tell you wanted to provide a lot of information. These kind of sentences read more naturally if they are divided into two or more sentences of smaller size, each explaining a different concept or group of concepts.

Have a great day, Yuri!

[Nagareboshi]

Originally Posted by YuriTokoro

Hi.
Could you correct my English?

"A Book: Kushiel’s Dart"

This is a fantasy story written by Jacqueline Carey, which is first published in the U.S. in 2001, so many of you may have read this already. In Japan, this is just published in Japanese.
When I started reading, I thought I had bought a wrong book mistakenly, because the heroine is a courtesan, but then it turned out that this story seemed to be about conspiracies in an aristocratic society. I can’t say with a certainty, because the first volume was divided in three parts, and I just read the first one third. Even so, the story is interesting.
I want to read the next soon, but I don’t know when they publish the second one third or the third. I seem to need to read it in English, but there are too many coined terms and technical terms of a kind of physical pleasures.
Anyway, what amazing of this story is elimination of the Christian kind of moral. Japanese people originally don’t have the moral, so you who grew up in a Christian community would feel the story is specific or unique more than I do.

Thank you.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kushiel's_Dart
Jacqueline Carey's Official Author Site - Books

"Kushiel's Dart" is a fantasy story written by Jacqueline Carey. It was first published in the U.S in 2001, so many of you may have read it already. In Japan it is published only in Japanese.

When I started reading I thought I had mistakenly bought the wrong book because the heroine is a courtesan. However, it turns out that this story seems to be about conspiracies in an aristocratic society. I can't say with any certainty what it's about because the first volume is divided into three parts, and I've only read 1/3 of the book.

I want to read the next part soon, but I don't know when the next two parts will be published.

I seem to need to read it in English, but there are too many coined terms and technical terms of a kind of physical pleasures.

This sentence is kind of confusing, and I'm not sure how to re-word it.

What makes this story amazing is the elimination of Christian morals. The morals of the Japanese people are different from those of Christians. Consequently, those who have grown up in a Christian community would have a better understanding and appreciation than I do for the Christian morals that are used in this story.

When using the coordinating conjunction "because" you don't need to use a comma. If this is meant to be formal writing like an essay for a class, then you should avoid using contractions like "don't" and use "do not" instead.

Also, when you're talking about something that happens in a book, you need to use the present tense.

[Koir]

Originally Posted by Nagareboshi

This sentence is kind of confusing, and I'm not sure how to re-word it.

I had understood it to mean this: Yuri is saying she needs to read the book in its original language (English) to fully understand the specialized terms for physical pleasures. The Japanese translation she is currently reading may not have translated it correctly and the meanings may have been lost in translation. Reading and understanding sentences in the original language are more preferable than a subjective translation that may have missed the original meaning.

[Nagareboshi]

Thanks Koir. That makes sense.