Please help me to read this English sentence:

[YuriTokoro]

Originally Posted by Koir

It refers to how society in general views certain activities as being "male" or "female", as you said in your story. Martial arts are seen as "male", homemaking as "female". Your participation in martial arts was not the typical activity for a girl, so your mother objected.

I see. I understand now. Thanks.
So, your society has the same assumptions, right?

There's no set format for beginning a story/post as you have been doing. I just noticed a contrast between how the post started out compared to how it continued afterwards. The feeling I got was that you put a lot of detail up front to get everything set up, then afterwards calmed down and wrote more naturally.

“I put a lot of detail to start my composition.” I will be careful about it. Thanks.

Writing that way is something I find myself doing a lot in my own compositions. It's a good idea to just get it all out on the screen (or on paper), then do revisions. Tightening up the writing style, using the right amount of words and descriptions to provide an image, removing duplicate descriptions, and so on.

Mmm… It sounds difficult. My English is not that good. What I can only do is conveying my intensions now, but I will try somehow.

Again, it will come with time and practice. Keep it up, and you'll find your own unique way of describing what you want others to picture in their minds.

Thanks a lot. You always help me. I wish I knew how I can describe my feeling here.

[YuriTokoro]

Hi.
Would you correct my English, please?
I'm sorry this is too long.


"My Crazy Mother"

The story continues.
About several months later, my mother told me to go to see a phychic with her.
I was astonished again.
Her story was like this: She saw a fortune-teller on the street. The person told her that she saw a spirit of my mother’s baby who died before birth. The baby was a boy, and the spirit is in my mother’s daughter’s road. “You must have a daughter who is like a boy.”
I had never heard of the dead baby, and my mother had kept it in secret. I was surprised to hear that.
Anyway, I was angry because when my mother was asked if she had a daughter like a boy, and she said “Yes” for a dead certainty.
I have never looked like a boy!
She insisted that we should consult psychics for guidance.　“The baby is operating you!”
I thought it must have been an emotionally manipulative sales technique, but I agreed with her to go to see a phychic. I just thought it would be OK if she felt fine with that. In addition, I thought I would be able to defeat the phychic.
And then, we went to see another phychic who seemed to be better.
My mother said she wanted to comfort the spirit. The phychic said “It’s sleeping. Don’t wake it up. Don’t do anything about it.”
It cost only 4000 yen.
Then, my mother dropped in a department store on the way home. She said, “I thought I would have to pay a lot of money to the phychic. I have brought money today. Now, I can buy something.”
She bought an expensive leather coat. She didn’t buy anything for me.

Thank you!

[Koir]

Originally Posted by YuriTokoro

Hi.
Would you correct my English, please?
I'm sorry this is too long.


"My Crazy Mother"

The story continues.
Several months later, my mother told me to go to see a psychic with her.
I was astonished again.
Her reasoning was this: She saw a fortuneteller on the street. The person told her that she saw the spirit of my mother’s baby who had died before birth. The baby was a boy, and the spirit who is in her daughter said “You must have a daughter who is like a boy.”
I had never heard of this child because my mother had kept it a secret. I was surprised to hear about it now.
Anyway, I was angry because when my mother was asked if she had a daughter who was like a boy, and she said “Yes” without hesitation.
I have never looked like a boy!
She insisted that we should consult psychics for guidance.　“The baby is living through you!”
I thought of it as an emotionally manipulative sales technique, but I agreed to go with her anyway. I just thought it would be OK if she felt fine with that. In addition, I thought I would be able to disprove the psychic.
And then, we went to see another psychic who seemed to be better.
My mother said she wanted to comfort the spirit. The psychic said “It’s sleeping. Don’t wake it up. Don’t do anything about it.”
It cost only 4000 yen.
Then, my mother dropped in a department store on the way home. She said, “I thought I would have to pay a lot of money to the psychic, so I brought a lot. Now, I can buy something.”
She bought an expensive leather coat. She didn’t buy anything for me.

Thank you!

*shakes head* Wow. It sounds like your mother has serious issues with your behaving differently that she wanted. I'm of the opinion that most "psychics" are little more than very skilled observers. They can tell the situation just by looking at a person, how they behave, and who is with them and how *they* act. That's one thing, but it's much better for them to have people who hear what should be obvious (including what they try to hide from themselves) as they tend to become repeat customers. Eventually these people are unable to make any decisions unless they consult these psychics.

It's quite the setup when it works.

Buying a leather coat for herself and nothing for you? That was *very* selfish of her.

[YuriTokoro]

Originally Posted by Koir

*shakes head* Wow. It sounds like your mother has serious issues with your behaving differently that she wanted. I'm of the opinion that most "psychics" are little more than very skilled observers. They can tell the situation just by looking at a person, how they behave, and who is with them and how *they* act. That's one thing, but it's much better for them to have people who hear what should be obvious (including what they try to hide from themselves) as they tend to become repeat customers. Eventually these people are unable to make any decisions unless they consult these psychics.

Koir, thanks as always.
Pharmacists always do like that. I observed patients and guessed right their problems, and then I advised what they should do. Many elderly people come to hospitals just to tell their story, and pharmacists listen to them.


By the way, I seem to have failed telling my intensions.

Her reasoning was this: She saw a fortuneteller on the street. The person told her that she saw the spirit of my mother’s baby who had died before birth. The baby was a boy, and the spirit who is in her daughter said “You must have a daughter who is like a boy.”

“You must have a daughter who is like a boy.” is said by the fortuneteller. Not the spirit.
The fortuneteller said that the spirit of my dead brother was with me (=the daughter).
My mother was surprised the fortuneteller guessed right my mother has a daughter (=me) before my mother told the fortuneteller my mother has a daughter (=me).

This is my revision.
“Her reasoning was this: My mother saw a fortuneteller on the street. The fortuneteller told my mother that the fortuneteller could see a spirit of my mother’s baby who had died before birth, the baby was a boy and it must be with my mother’s daughter (=me). The fortuneteller said “You must have a daughter and she must be like a boy.”

What do you think?
(Writing English is still too difficult to me. )

[Koir]

Originally Posted by YuriTokoro

By the way, I seem to have failed in telling my intentions.

“You must have a daughter who is like a boy.” is said by the fortuneteller. Not the spirit.
The fortuneteller said that the spirit of my dead brother was with me (=the daughter).
My mother was surprised the fortuneteller guessed right my mother has a daughter (=me) before my mother told the fortuneteller my mother has a daughter (=me).

Yes, it puzzled me so I made a guess at what you meant. I was sure I got it wrong, so I'm glad you corrected me.

This is my revision.
“Her reasoning was this: My mother saw a fortuneteller on the street. The fortuneteller told my mother that he/she could see a spirit of my mother’s baby who had died before birth. The baby was a boy and it must be with my mother’s daughter. The fortuneteller said “You must have a daughter and she must be like a boy.”

What do you think?
(Writing English is still too difficult to me. )

It's an ongoing process, but seeing that you can clearly explain where misunderstandings happen shows you're advancing your knowledge quite well.

As for my corrections to your changes:

I put "he/she" in place of the second instance of "the fortuneteller" to reduce the wordiness and have it read more naturally. Of course, the first instinct is to believe "he/she" (I'm thinking the fortuneteller was female unless proven otherwise) refers to "my mother".

However, in this case "my mother" is the object of the verb "told" and cannot be the correct reference for "he/she". This leaves the subject of the sentence "the fortuneteller" as the only reference for "he/she". It seems awkward to explain it. English is full of examples like that, as I'm sure you know.

But if the fortuneteller was male, "he" is the only correct pronoun. Which would eliminate any confusion as to who was speaking.

Hope that helps, Yuri!

[YuriTokoro]

Originally Posted by Koir

Yes, it puzzled me so I made a guess at what you meant. I was sure I got it wrong, so I'm glad you corrected me. 　

Thanks, thanks and thanks, Koir!

But if the fortuneteller was male, "he" is the only correct pronoun. Which would eliminate any confusion as to who was speaking.

The fortuneteller was female, but I think I can write the fortuneteller as a male.
It wouldn’t change my story and seems to be easy to explain what happened.
What do you think?

‘Her reasoning was this: My mother saw a fortuneteller on the street. The fortuneteller said to my mother “You must have a daughter and she must be like a boy.” He told my mother that he could see a spirit of my mother’s baby who had died before birth. The baby was a boy and it must be with my mother’s daughter. That was because my mother’s daughter who meant me was like a boy.’

[Koir]

Originally Posted by YuriTokoro

The fortuneteller was female, but I think I can write the fortuneteller as a male.
It wouldn’t change my story and seems to be easy to explain what happened.
What do you think?

My first thought would be that it's not good to change something that happened just to make the story read better. But perhaps those who read your blog don't read these forums and won't know of any difference.

‘Her reasoning was this: My mother saw a fortuneteller on the street. The fortuneteller said to my mother “You must have a daughter and she must be like a boy.” He told my mother that he could see a spirit of my mother’s baby who had died before birth. The baby was a boy and it must be with my mother’s daughter. That was because my mother’s daughter who meant me was like a boy.’

Excellent. That revision means you can refer to the fortuneteller as female and not have any confusion. Good work!

[YuriTokoro]

Originally Posted by Koir

Excellent. That revision means you can refer to the fortuneteller as female and not have any confusion. Good work!

Koir, thanks. I don't know how I can tell you to thank you!

[Koir]

Originally Posted by YuriTokoro

Koir, thanks. I don't know how I can tell you to thank you!

It's quite fun to be of some use, Yuri. I'm learning a lot as well

[YuriTokoro]

Hi.
Would you correct my English, please?


"A Book: Five Minutes to Tomorrow-side A"

The story line: The hero (He doesn’t have a name in the story.) lost his lover by automobile accident six years before. He had been doing everything practically after that. He wasn’t able to believe himself because he didn’t feel anything about her death. However, the truth was, he was too shocked to feel anything.
One day, he met a woman named Kasumi. She had an impossible love, is struggling to forget it.
The hero decided to love her, and make her and himself happy.

Impression: An adult way to live!


Thank you!