Please help me to read this English sentence:

[YuriTokoro]

Originally Posted by JamboP26

The use of 'except' here shows a change that happened, as you said, 'suddenly'. Climbing the stairs is easy, but 'except' shows the reader it became difficult. The exception being the stairs became difficult to negotiate (or climb). It adds a bit of excitement to the story/dream.

Hopes this helps clear things up

Hi, JamboP26.
Thank you!
Then this “except” means “lo and behold”, “For heaven’s sake” or something like that?
In Japanese, that would be “何と!”. Is that right?

[dogsbody70]

I can see you have had marvellous help Yuri


Maybe one could start with, " I was desperate for the bathroom." Meaning "I was desperate to get to a bathroom."

ANd so you had all those obstacles in your way. Your explanation is very good and so are the replies you have received

another thought is :

"I tumbled down twice, and then I managed to touch the top of the stair steps. Except they had become a big vaulting box I had to clear. "

Yuri the above sentence is fine-- another way of mentioning the change to the stairs could also be: " I managed to climb or clamber UP THE STAIRS UNTIL I REACHED/ THE TOP/ EXCEPT/ suddenly they had changed/ or turned? into a vaulting box"

Just some alternatives but your other friends have done you proud.

i THINK DREAMS ARE A GREAT WAY TO PRACTICE WRITING BECAUSE IT STRETCHES THE

IMAGINATION. yOU ARE DOING SO WELL.

[YuriTokoro]

Originally Posted by dogsbody70

I can see you have had marvellous help Yuri

Hi, dogsbody70.
Yes. I’m sure they are great.

Maybe one could start with, " I was desperate for the bathroom." Meaning "I was desperate to get to a bathroom."

I see. “I needed to go” was not enough.

Yuri the above sentence is fine-- another way of mentioning the change to the stairs could also be: " I managed to climb or clamber UP THE STAIRS UNTIL I REACHED/ THE TOP/ EXCEPT/ suddenly they had changed/ or turned? into a vaulting box"

Yes! It’s “turn into”! I should have written that!

Actually, I wanted to say that my hand managed to touch the top of the stairs when the top of the stairs suddenly turned into a vaulting box.
So the sentence should be;
“I managed to reach the top. Then except suddenly they had turned into a vaulting box.”
Is that right?
Does “I reached the top” mean “my hand touched the top of the stairs”?

i THINK DREAMS ARE A GREAT WAY TO PRACTICE WRITING BECAUSE IT STRETCHES THE

IMAGINATION. yOU ARE DOING SO WELL.

Thank you very much!

[dogsbody70]

hello again Yuri--please forgive me as I am not sure how to place separate "QUOTES" into my responses. Maybe somebody could advise me how to do that please.

well" "I needed to Go" could mean anything really. Go where? You mentioned that you needed the bathroom so simply place it at the beginning of the sentence so there is no confusion.


this paragraph : Actually, I wanted to say that my hand managed to touch the top of the stairs when the top of the stairs suddenly turned into a vaulting box.
So the sentence should be;
“I managed to reach the top. Then except suddenly they had turned into a vaulting box.”
Is that right?
Does “I reached the top” mean “my hand touched the top of the stairs”?
NO, not necessarily.



Maybe: as I reached the top my hands/fingers clung onto what I thought was the top step, but to my surprise it had turned into a vaulting box

just an alternative suggestion.

[YuriTokoro]

Hi.
Koir, JumboP26 and dogsbody70, thank you!
This is the revision.
What do you think?


A Dream.

This is my dream of this morning.
I was desperate for the bathroom in the dream. I seemed to be on a big ship or a huge vehicle, and was about to attend a meeting. I decided to visit the bathroom before the meeting starts, when the floor shook violently. I stumbled back several steps. Then I saw many people coming down the hall. I pushed my way through the crowd with great effort. The ground kept shaking and I went backward again. I felt as though I were a tiny boat in a hurricane.
Next I saw a stairway in front of me. My destination seemed to be on the upper floor.
I crawled up the stairs because the floor kept shaking widely. The ship must have been in a huge typhoon. After tumbling down twice, I managed to reach my fingers the top. Except what I was clinging to turned into a big vaulting box I had to clear.
Since the floor was shaking that I wasn’t be able to jump, so I swarmed up the box. Behind the box, there was the door and I rushed at it.
Finally I opened the door, when I woke up.
I felt really tired.

Thank you.

[Koir]

Originally Posted by YuriTokoro

Hi.
Koir, JumboP26 and dogsbody70, thank you!
This is the revision.
What do you think?


A Dream.

This was my dream this morning.
I was desperate for the bathroom in the dream. I seemed to be on a big ship or a huge vehicle, and was about to attend a meeting. I decided to visit the bathroom before the meeting starts when the floor shook violently. I stumbled back several steps, then saw many people coming down the hall. I pushed my way through the crowd with great effort. The ground kept shaking and I went backward again. I felt as though I were a tiny boat in a hurricane.
Next I saw a stairway in front of me. My destination seemed to be on the upper floor.
I crawled up the stairs because the floor kept shaking widely. The ship must have been in a huge typhoon. After tumbling down twice, I managed to reach the top step and reached out my hand. Except now it wasn't a step but a big vaulting box I had to clear.
Since the floor was shaking so much, I had to climb over the box. Behind it was the door and I rushed at it.
Finally I opened the door and woke up.
I felt really tired.

Thank you.

I see much improvement and willingness to use different verb tenses and sentence structures to build an easily read story.

My revisions this time were mostly compound sentences that detail problems and solution (causes and effects).

"Since the floor was shaking so much (Cause/Problem), I had to climb over the box (Effect/Solution)".

The same sentence structure can be used to detail two events that happen after each other in a short time.

"I stumbled back several steps (Event 1), then saw many people coming down the hall (Event 2)."

Hope this is of some help, Yuri. I sincerely apologize if these revisions appear inconsistent with other advice given. They are only my opinions and thoughts.

[dogsbody70]

a note to KOIR


Please do not take offence if I am adding to your wonderful and most helpful advice to Yuri.


You go to so much trouble-- I just feel that sometimes it's good to offer alternatives-- in order to stretch the English vocabulary.

It is many years since I was at School, so I forget much of the official grammar-- where you seem to be expert-- which I am sure is what Yuri needs.

I do a lot of reading and I belong to writing groups where we always search for better alternatives in order to make a piece of writing more compelling.

I think Yuri is very fortunate to receive your help plus the thoughts from others. So please I do hope I have not offended you.

I love the spoken and written word.

My japanese friend here in UK loves coming to me, it definitely helps her to expand her English proficiency. Too often the Courses taught to foreign students-- Are way above even my understanding or knowledge. So much is filling in A B or C answers rather than setting compositions.

Yuri appears to have a very good command of English no doubt helped enormously by YOU-- please forgive an English Woman butting in but I hope I have not confused Yuri too much.

So please to everyone who also has offered help and advice to Yuri-- thankyou.


and please allow me to also join the "HELPING YURI CLUB."


PS TO KOIR: I like your final version and isn't it great to see the progress that Yuri is making.

The beauty of language is the variety surely, anything that brings it alive is worth aiming for.

[YuriTokoro]

Originally Posted by Koir

I see much improvement and willingness to use different verb tenses and sentence structures to build an easily read story.

Koir, thanks.
Especially, I like the sentence “Except now it wasn't a step but a big vaulting box I had to clear.” It doesn’t say “suddenly” directly, but readers would see that I suddenly realized the top of the steps was not a step anymore, and somehow the step had turned into a vaulting box.
Thanks again.

Hope this is of some help, Yuri. I sincerely apologize if these revisions appear inconsistent with other advice given. They are only my opinions and thoughts.

There is no reason to apologize.
You always help me greatly.
Koir, thanks!

[YuriTokoro]

Originally Posted by dogsbody70

and please allow me to also join the "HELPING YURI CLUB."

It’s too extremely honored.

[dogsbody70]

Originally Posted by YuriTokoro

It’s too extremely honored.

You mean, "I am extemely honoured"


I suspect Yuri it is because your advisers can see how hard you are trying and so get encouraged to help you.


Have fun. and continue exploring.