Hello. Please check my grammarT_T

[FeyOberon]

1) Capitalization: Every word in a title should be capitalized except the articles ("a," "an," and "the") and prepositions ("to" and "with" in your title)

2) General Stylistic Advice: Generally, be as concise as possible. Use one word when it will serve in the place of two or more.

3) You might consider striking "air" from Sentence 2 because it does not address your subject matter.

4) You might consider striking Sentence 5 ("Patients for the foods . . ."). It seems to be stating the same thing as the first sentence.

How to Deal with Foodborne Illness and Food Allergy

Foodborne illness and food allergy are increasing in advanced nations, particularly in the 20th century. Foods, drinks, and air are very important for survival. We have to take nourishment and water necessary to maintain health. However, there are problems with the foods and drinks that we are always consuming. Patients for the foods and the drinks are increasing right now more than ever. Food-related illnesses are divided into two categories: foodborne illness and food allergy.

Again, hope this was helpful!

[kyorochan]

Thank you FeyOberon!!
It was very helpful!!!!


Can someone please check one of my body paragraph?
Thank you!!


Foodborne illness is the symptoms which are stomachache, vomit, and fever

that are caused by taking polluted foods and drinks which contains harmful

substances. Our daily lives are becoming quite clean than the past; however,

this thing leads to decline of our immunity, so the foodborne illness is

increasing. In the United States seventy six millions of people are taken sick

every year, and five thousand people die every year. One of the causes why

the people who live in the United States get sick is because of bacteria.

Breaking out and taking out the bacteria’s toxin cause to pollute the foods

and drinks, so the foodborne illness occurs. According to bacterial agents,

campylobacter, salmonella, and shigella are detected most in the United

States. First, if we infect campylobacter that is detected from the meat

which are our daily products, beef, and pork, it is the fearful bacterium which

causes foodborne illness. The symptoms of the campylobacter are fever,

stomachache, diarrhea, and bloody feces which are like the enteritis

symptom. When we get a treatment for it, we get better in two to five days,

but there is also a prolonged possibility. Second, we infect salmonella if

heating food is not enough or the food is raw. Concretely, egg, chicken,

pork, beef and the dairy products which are not sterilized in low temperature

have a possibility of salmonella. After the infection, the symptoms which

diarrhea, high fever, and intense stomachache show up within twelve to

seventy two hours, and these continue for four to seven days. Third, if we

are infected shigella, the symptoms which damages of epidermal cell, fever,

and bloody diarrhea occur in the large intestine tens of times a day. The

cause is eating pollution foods and drinking pollution water.

I'm sorry to write these things...If I made you feel bad, I'm sorry.
Thank you for reading!!

[FeyOberon]

You are most welcome! I'm happy to be helpful.

I'm going home now (five o'clock at the office!), but if you still need help with your paper tomorrow, I will try to make time for you.

When is your paper due? (Sorry if it was due today )

Oh, and I tend to be not very good at explaining things, so if I post something confusing, please let me know.

[kyorochan]

Originally Posted by FeyOberon

You are most welcome! I'm happy to be helpful.

I'm going home now (five o'clock at the office!), but if you still need help with your paper tomorrow, I will try to make time for you.

When is your paper due? (Sorry if it was due today )

Oh, and I tend to be not very good at explaining things, so if I post something confusing, please let me know.

Oh, really? Thank you sooo much!!!
I'm very happy ^^
The paper is due on Wednesday, April 22nd.
My whole paragraphs on the paper is on sled #15.

I'm sorry that I did not post this more earlier.
But if you will help me, I am very happy.
Thank you for helping me a lot!!!

[FeyOberon]

Here is Paragraph 2:

1) You might consider using "contaminated" in place of "polluted" for it to read a little more smoothly.

2) Also, just so you know, I haven't been leaving any markers where the only change is a deleted word.

Foodborne illness is caused by taking polluted foods and drinks which contain harmful substances. Symptoms are stomachache, vomit, and fever. Our daily lives are becoming much cleaner than in the past; however, this leads to decline of our immunity, so foodborne illness is increasing. In the United States seventy-six million people become ill every year, and five thousand people die every year (Stamey 48). One of the causes of illness for people who live in the United Stated is bacteria. Breaking out and taking out the bacteria’s toxin (I'm not sure what this means?) causes pollution of the foods and drinks, leading to foodborne illness. According to bacterial agents, campylobacter, salmonella, and shigella are detected more than any other foodbourne bacteria in the United States (It was unclear whether you meant more than other bacteria or more often in the US than in other countries). First, infection from campylobacter comes from the meats, such as beef and pork, which are consumed daily; it is a fearful bacterium which causes foodborne illness. The symptoms of campylobacter are fever, stomachache, diarrhea, and bloody feces which are like the symptoms of enteritis (Since you don't discuss enteritis anywhere else in your paper, I would suggest deleting this). When treated, symptoms improve in two-to-five days, but there is also a prolonged possibility of recurrence. Second, infection from salmonella can happen if food is undercooked or raw. Specifically, eggs, chicken, pork, beef and dairy products which are not sterilized and kept at a low temperature have a possibility of salmonella. After infection, symptoms including diarrhea, high fever, and intense stomachache show up within twelve to seventy-two hours, and these continue for four-to-seven days. Third, shigella infection causes symptoms of damage to epidermal cells, fever, and bloody diarrhea to occur in the large intestine tens of times a day. The cause is eating polluted foods and drinking polluted water (“Diagnosis and Management of Foodborne illness” 53).

I'm working on the next one. If I can't get another posted during my lunch hour, I'll try to get it to you before I leave work.

[FeyOberon]

I just realized that the word "foodbourne" should be hyphenated: "food-bourne" wherever it appears, because it is a compound word.

In the United States, meals eaten outside the home can be dangerous. The first reason is a problem with the Hazard Analysis and Critical Control Point (HACCP) plan. The HACCP plan is a management technique which analyzes harmful factors in processing (hazards) and manages the part where hazards can be controlled most efficiently (CCP; indispensable management point) successively, securing safety and sanitation during food production (Stamey 48). This HACCP plan is controlling meals at restaurants; however, it is a fact that it is not enough to protect against food-borne illness everywhere. Therefore, according to Lewis’s report, Dr. Herbert L. DuPont, chief of internal medicine at St. Luke’s Episcopal Hospital in Houston and member of the Infectious Disease News editorial advisory board, said the “HACCP system may need to be made to reduce the risk for foodborne illness outbreaks that originate in commercial dining establishments” (9). In other words, though HACCP is in place, why does the dining and catering industry cause food-borne illness? That can be because a way of thinking of health management and leadership is not reliable (I'm not certain what your exact meaning is in this sentence). Second, when the employee who cooks and preserves food does not properly wash his or her hands, and does not have knowledge about food-borne illness, hazards occur for visitors and employees. Third, when we eat fresh raw greens and fruit, if the means to examine whether it is contaminated by bacteria or not is undeveloped, the possibility of getting a food-borne illness is high. Also, unseasonable vegetables or fruits may be polluted by impure water (Lewis 9).

[FeyOberon]

I think Koir had said this about your first essay, but a general rule to go by when writing an essay or paper is that you assume your reader knows nothing about your subject matter. That's why I added things like the full name of HACCIP and a brief definition of dyspnoea. If I hadn't been online to readily research these things, part of your meaning would have been lost to me. You want your readers to easily understand your subject matter.

Also, when using parentheses within parentheses, instead of using a second pair of (), use brackets []. I made this change with your citations to ("Food Allergies On The Rise...[Cover Story]").

The system to exclude alien substances from our bodies is called an immune response. It is called an allergy when this reaction exceeds the extent to which a body needs defended. When our bodies judge a food, which is not an alien substance, to be primarily a harmful thing, we become allergic to that food (Sodhi 66). Even now, Scientists cannot explain clearly why food allergies happen (“Food Allergies On The Rise…[Cover story]” 1). In the United States, there are 30,000 food allergy related emergency room visits and 200 related deaths every year (Sodhi 66). The substances which cause food allergies are called allergens and include milk, eggs, peanuts, tree nuts, fish, shellfish, soybeans, and wheat (“Food Allergies On The Rise…[Cover story]” 1). According to a study by Sodhi, “when both parents have allergies, there is 67% chance that the children will also have them” (66). Children’s food allergies have increased eighteen percent in the past ten years. The most terrible state of allergic reaction is called anaphylaxis. Instances of anaphylaxis increased by twenty-five percent during 1990 to 2000 in Minnesota, and there is data that the number was high for those under twenty years old. Anaphylaxis causes a problem of both dyspnoea (difficulty breathing) and shock. If it is not treated, the anaphylactic reaction becomes fatal. Many scientists are desperate to find out the cause of hyperesthesia (From what I can tell, hyperesthesia is a nerve and sensory condition that is unrelated to food allergies You might want to strike this reference to it.). It is necessary to know what kind of food could be an allergen and whether an allergic reaction needs to be avoided. Also, it is important for those with food allergies to carry epinephrine for self-management (“Food Allergies On The Rise…[Cover story]” 1).

Okay, almost done!

[FeyOberon]

Here's your conclusion with just a few changes. Hope it helps you!

In conclusion, food-related illnesses are divided into two major categories, food-borne illness and food allergy. Technology is important for our lives; however, our health is more important. The knowledge of food-bourne illnesses and food allergies, and the necessary health management methods are insufficient right now. We hope that the United States continues to make medical advances in this field.

To anyone who might be irritated: Sorry about the multiple posts! I didn't even think of that until about two seconds ago. From here on, I will try to avoid doing it this way.

[kyorochan]

Thank you FeyOberon!!!!!
I am very happy!!!

Thank you for helping a lot!!!!

[kyorochan]

Hello
Thank you for helping me every time!!

Today, I wrote a persuasive essay.
My essay topic is "sodas and high-sugar foods should not be sold in public school vending machines."

Please check my essay!!
I was wondering that I should use "I think" or " I agree with...," but I was not sure, so I did not use them so much.

Thank you

Most students get money from their parents. They take the money to their schools and use it for their consumption. The thing which we lay eyes most often at school is a vending machine. It sells the sweet foods and drinks that students like most. It is convenient to be able to buy these products for less than two dollars, but these are very unwholesome. Today, the numbers of children, who are having cavities, obesity, and bone fractures by small accidents, are increasing because of sodas and high-sugar foods.

Children tend to have cavities. That is because foods including sugar and a soda are being consumed two quarts per day. The reason why these kinds of children exist is the advertising effect of Coca-Cola. The Coca-Cola company aims at least 25 % of consumption every year. Therefore, this company is increasing young children as customers for increasing efficiently. A soda has strong acidity, so a tooth melts when it soaked in the soda. This drink begins to melt a tooth in one minute. This strong acid drink will be the cause of a cavity. Moreover, the probability that the students who doesn't blush their teeth will be a cavity is very high.

Obesity is a huge problem in the United States right now. Many people believe that the cause of obesity is a fast food like McDonald, but sodas and high-sugar foods in vending machines are also the cause of obesity. A fruit juice, for example, an orange juice is healthier than a soft drink; however, the orange juice is actually the high-sugar and high-calorie beverage. If the students do not exercise after drinking this kind of beverage, they have a possibility to become obesity. By the way, American Institute of Medicine assumes that a commercial of a food scarce in the nutritive value related to overweight by the high calorie which made the child a target, so USAIM asks self-imposed control or intervention of the U.S. government. For obesity measure, University of Chicago agrees that public schools should not sell drinks with a lot of sugar and the milk which fat is not removed. Big eleven traders such as McDonald and Pepsi Company agreed to stop advertising junk food to less than 12-year-old children.

Born fracture by sodas and soft drinks is increasing in the past 30 years. According to Journal of Adolescent Health in 1994, 76 girls and 51 boys were a born fracture by the soft drinks and high-calorie beverages. The soft drinks make the bone fracture rate of girls triple, and Coca-Cola makes the bone fracture rate of quintuple. From this result, the girls’ bone densities that drink Coca-Cola are low. In my middle school and high school many students were in plaster because of little exercises and small accidents. Thus, sodas and soft drinks have bad influence on our bones.

Cavities, obesity, and bone fractures by sodas and high-sugar foods are increasing between the children because of the vending machines that are located in their schools. Therefore, I think it is better for there to be no vending machines installed in a public school.