Japanese men are confusing...is he interesetd?

[annelen]

Sorry for posting this here, but it looks like there was more activity here and I need some input:
So I’m an ALT in Japan. I wasn’t out looking for a Japanese boyfriend or anything (I even said I would never date a japanese man here! -_-;) but I recently met a teacher at a school that I visit on occasions who is my age (surprisingly young for a teacher) and I think single.

My first day with the class this teacher was unusually genki around me in front of the class, gave his own self introduction and shook my hand vigorously like the rest of his students. I say unusually genki because most Japanese guys my age are shy and/or reserved. I had a blast with his class though and I felt like there was a comfortable connection between us and a lot of energy in the room (he wasn’t afraid to get close to me and wasn’t afraid to look me in the eye).

At that time I had a boyfriend back in the states so when the students asked me “do you have a boyfriend,” (btw I also have a feeling he put the students up to asking this because before the student asked he was nodding to them and saying ‘go ahead’) I said yes. At that moment the teacher fell to the floor on his knees and pretended to cry and the students laughed and ran to his side to pat him on the back.

I recently went back for my second visit and things have changed and I’m now single. When I went this time a student asked me what my boyfriend’s name is and I told them “I don’t have a boyfriend anymore,” and half the class shouted excitedly and a few students were waving frantically to the teacher and gave him the thumbs up. Everything was fine and normal in class and we actually went outside to play games after lunch together.

Back in the teacher’s room he greeted me with a warm genki smile again and thanked me for playing with them and I warmly thanked him for inviting me. But when I saw him again in the gym when I went to visit his class one more time before I left for the day he only acknowledged me with a nod of his head and seemed like he was kind of avoiding me by staying on the opposite side of where I was at the entire time.

So…was I not threatening when I was in a relationship but now that I’m single he’s nervous around me because he’s attracted to me? Or did I do something to completely freak him out and he isn’t interested at all? I feel like he’s more shy around me since he found out I’m single.
I understand that usually foreign women have to make the first move so I thought about inviting him to a sporting event with some other ALTs (mostly guys) to drop the hint that I’m interested in him but it isn’t as threatening as a date.

Before I go that far though, does he sound interested in me? Is the sudden change of attitude the way a Japanese guy says “I like you”?

[Nyororin]

I really can`t say without knowing him, but I`d make the guess that it`s one of two things;
He is attracted to you but now given the chance doesn`t know how to go about it or is scared...
Or - he was joking all along and didn`t think the opportunity would ever arise so didn`t put much thought into it, and doesn`t want to lead you on or have others think he`s going after you...

Japanese men are all individuals, so there is no possible way to say "this is what a Japanese guy does!" You`re just going to have to really feel it out yourself. An international relationship is something easy to joke about, but when it comes down to putting it into practice - particularly Japanese man / foreign woman - there are a lot of hoops and stress that may be too much to think through.

So even if he does like you, there may be a whole lot more to it. The stigma of a work relationship, of a interracial relationship, of a relationship very likely to end up long distance, of a relationship with a communication barrier (making the assumption that he is not perfectly fluent in English or you perfectly fluent in Japanese), etc etc...

Sort of like a dream that is great while it`s a dream, but in real life carries a lot of problems along with the dreamy bits.

Or - he might just be that type of personality and you`ve misinterpreted all along. Why not just start out trying to be on friendly terms and getting to know him better in general? (Along with everyone else you`ll be working with too, of course - would be way too obvious if you JUST keep talking to him, etc) It doesn`t really sound like you know him that well at all - and that isn`t a good start for a relationship.

[TalnSG]

He may also have realized that he overstepped the bounds of propriety and is trying make amends by adhering to more expected etiquette. It could be a colleague became aware of the situation and commented on it.

Just be friendly and casual within limits and see where it goes.

[MMM]

I agree with what Nyororin said.

I think when you had a boyfriend you were unattainable, and therefore more accessible in front of the students...i.e. he could be mockingly flirtatious in front of his students to satisfy their desire to have their single teacher find a lady. (This is pretty common in my experience. And I am sure he didn't put his students up to asking you if you have a boyfriend. He didn't need to. That isn't considered a private question in the mind of Japanese students.)

But once you became single that kind of classroom play may have felt inappropriate. I can't say what his feelings are, but keep in mind he might have been acting initially on the encouragement of his students.

[tohruchan7]

Ya I Agree With These Two. Also Just Men In General Are Confusing Lol

[ozkai]

I got through your post, although paragraphingwouldhave been good.

[ozkai]

Originally Posted by tohruchan7

Ya I Agree With These Two. Also Just Men In General Are Confusing Lol

Men are very simple creatures..

Food, sex and relax..

[Miyavifan]

Originally Posted by ozkai

Men are very simple creatures..

Food, sex and relax..

They're really not that simple.

btw.. I agree with both Nyo and Taln.

[annelen]

Thanks, I can see the situation a little differently now and you're probably right, it probably was just a show because I think that might be how he is. He's just really fun with his students.
I would like to get to know him better because he just seems like he'd be a lot of fun to hang out with. you don't see a lot of people that can get out there and be as energetic as him. I thought a sporting event with a group of ALTs would be fun for him and non-threatening and a chance to get to know him better. I don't really work at that school, it's more of a visitation I do every few months and next week will probably be my last time at that school for the year and I probably won't see him again until then.
At the same time if he is freaked out I don't want to scare him even more so maybe it's best to leave it alone.

[MMM]

Originally Posted by annelen

Thanks, I can see the situation a little differently now and you're probably right, it probably was just a show because I think that might be how he is. He's just really fun with his students.
I would like to get to know him better because he just seems like he'd be a lot of fun to hang out with. you don't see a lot of people that can get out there and be as energetic as him. I thought a sporting event with a group of ALTs would be fun for him and non-threatening and a chance to get to know him better. I don't really work at that school, it's more of a visitation I do every few months and next week will probably be my last time at that school for the year and I probably won't see him again until then.
At the same time if he is freaked out I don't want to scare him even more so maybe it's best to leave it alone.

I think that sounds like a good idea. If he's busy give him your number and tell him to call when he has some free time.