Law needs chaging regarding Custody of Japanese/American children

[dogsbody70]

posted by nyrorin:

"As you said though, there are a lot more cases of children remaining in Japan than being whisked off to the US - most likely because there are a lot more Japanese women married to western men than the other way around. And because of the sad fact that more fathers are willing to write off children than mothers... So the issue of children being abducted to Japan is much larger than children being removed from Japan."


I am uncertain if many dad's write off their children. Many of them are desperate to share in their child's life.

Its not so much as when maybe a couple have an affair, the girl gets pregnant and dad skedaddles.


Are there so many men-- who willingly give up on their own child when in a relationship that breaks up?

children need both parents-- but should not have to feel torn apart between the parents.

I feel sorry for many children today-- whose parents separate.


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[RobinMask]

Originally Posted by dogsbody70

I am uncertain if many dad's write off their children. Many of them are desperate to share in their child's life.

Its not so much as when maybe a couple have an affair, the girl gets pregnant and dad skedaddles.

Are there so many men-- who willingly give up on their own child when in a relationship that breaks up?

I don't know about Japan specifically, but in the UK and countries like the US then yes. In the UK I could name perhaps dozens of people whose fathers have given up all rights or simply don't want a part of the children's lives, and I can literally only name two fathers that I know of who didn't 'write off' their children. This seems similar in other Western countries, and from what I've seen and heard is similar in the US too. These are all children who have been born too, some children I know were as old as five when their fathers abandoned them. It's sad, but common.

That I said, not all fathers write off there children, but it is very common. I wonder if there's any statistics actually or more objective facts, I might take a look later on and see if there's any evidence.

[dogsbody70]

the thing is ROBIN that many fathers are desperate to have contact with their children-- all too often mothers will not allow them much if any contact.

My ex son in law was involved in DADS UK-- that was for men who were bringing children up on their own.

But Many fathers have a really tough time because all too often the Mother is preferred. thats why "fathers for justice"keen to get attention for fathers-- I personally believe that no child should become a pawn between their parents as happens too often.

later in life as the child grows they often wish to learn more about their dads-- dads are important-- not only in childhood but later on as well.

[RobinMask]

Originally Posted by dogsbody70

the thing is ROBIN that many fathers are desperate to have contact with their children-- all too often mothers will not allow them much if any contact.

My ex son in law was involved in DADS UK-- that was for men who were bringing children up on their own.

But Many fathers have a really tough time because all too often the Mother is preferred. thats why "fathers for justice"keen to get attention for fathers-- I personally believe that no child should become a pawn between their parents as happens too often.

later in life as the child grows they often wish to learn more about their dads-- dads are important-- not only in childhood but later on as well.

I'm not denying any of this, however I am saying that a lot of fathers choose to have nothing to do with their children. There are some fathers who fight for their rights, who seek custody or visitation, I've met them and they exist, however there are a lot - if not more - who simply just give up or choose not to. It's not a matter of the mother preventing them, or that the law is unjust, it's simply that these men choose not to.

No child should be used as a pawn, and if the mother prevents contact then this is wrong too, and bad for the child. That said the laws in the UK - although somewhat bias to the mother - are very good, fair and just. We have more rights here than in many countries, and fathers have more rights than in other countries, sure it could be better but - in most cases - if the father pushes for visitation he'll get it. I don't know about custody, but I've rarely heard of a court denying a father access and visitation. Even when the father has a criminal record he's still allowed access, albeit supervised.

I'd debate the importance of 'dads being important', solely because I don't think that they necessarily are. If a child had good and solid role-models in its life then a father isn't necessarily going to make much of a difference, same-sex couples for example can have phenomenally well-adjusted children, without a father.

[Nyororin]

Originally Posted by dogsbody70

I am uncertain if many dad's write off their children. Many of them are desperate to share in their child's life.

I agree that the majority of fathers probably do want to be part of their children`s lives... But as I said, more fathers are willing to give up the rights to their children than mothers. Not most, or even many, but simply more.

I also strongly agree that it is quite unfair that mothers are usually favored for custody of the children in situations where the father would be a better parent.

The entire system is broken, and children lose the most in it.

[dogsbody70]

sorry robin I do believe children need mothers and fathers. I grew up with no family at all and how I would have loved a dad.

In the adoption world maybe many men walked away when they got the girl pregnant-- especially in the pre sixties and many kids were adopted because the mothers were treated as pariahs. Many men skipped all that but what man in his heart doesn't really want his own child?

If they have a conscience at all. I know of plenty of men who long to have contact with their child. Its wrong when they are prevented apart from men who abused the mother or child.



As for gay couples raising children-- well I cannot comment on that but if children grow up in a loving family with both male and female in their lives it should be better for them.

There are many complaints that there are enot enough male teachers. children need experience with both male and female really.

If a dad loves his child he should be allowed proper access as far as is possible when great distances are involved.