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11-24-2010, 09:42 AM
dogsbody. i'm not talking about surrogate mothers. those people are mostly in just for the money - and they are getting paid great. but i can see some moral dilemmas for them also..
but what i said was that women can donate eggs (just like men sperm). so they are fertilized and then implanted in want to be mothers. 
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11-24-2010, 09:44 AM
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11-24-2010, 10:32 AM
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A real father is someone who assumes the father's role and responsabilities, not the one who ejaculates inside a woman if later on he's not gonna wanna have shit to do with the baby. If I were a child by an unkown donor to me my dad would be the one guy who stood by my mom while she was carrying me inside of her, not the donor who I would not once try to know anything about. So, to you a man who helps a woman through pregnancy and then raises a baby and is committed to it, is not a real father? Cause the sperm that got his woman pregnant was not his? Pffft, bullshit. everything is relative and contradictory ~
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11-24-2010, 12:22 PM
ah well you seem to think you know all about it.
If you had known the number of adoptees who are desperate to know thir father or mothers-- the agony they go through. i tis like babies who get left on door steps they do not know who they are or where they come from. There is a need to know where we come from. You are young I wonder how much you know about this subject. If people want children there are plenty in the care system needing homes. You don't have a clue what you are talking about. Can I ask you if you have parents do you know them? I grew up without any family at all. people can be desperate to know why they are the person they are. nature versus nurture etc. Before you say my comments are B/S an expression I loathe by the way. you need to learn a lot more about human nature. Are you American by any chance? this is interesting item. Why children need to know I
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11-24-2010, 12:47 PM
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everything is relative and contradictory ~
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11-24-2010, 02:39 PM
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Anyways, I don't think surrogacy is a bad idea (in response to earlier comments), and although some women find it difficult there is a vast ammount who are able to distance themselves and have very little complications or regrets. As someone else mentioned some women who are surrogates feel happy and content able to bring a life into the world, able to give a child to parents who will love and care for it, knowing that they've given a child and its parents a chance to have a family and happiness. I did a search a while back actually in research for a novel, and you'd be suprised at how well surrogate mothers can detach themselves emotionally. I do agree with you that sometimes its better to adopt than to go to a surrorgate, I really feel for those poor children without homes, but that said your attitude to adoption actually really irks me. You seem to think that adoption is a bad thing, that it's better to be (or at least to know) the biological parents. I'm speaking as person who is adopted (although it's a complicated matter I'd rather not get into), and as someone who knows people who are adopted. Yes, sometimes there is a curiousity and a desire to know where you are from, but for the majority your family are the people who raise you and love you and nurture you. My father is the one who put a roof over my head, who disciplined me when I misbehaved, who laughed with me when we shared a good joke - not someone who didn't care about me enough to be in my life and gave me away the first chance he got. Family is more than genetics. So I say if people want to donate sperm, adopt, foster, use surrogates etc. etc. then good for them! They can give a child a much better home than a lot of these dead-beat parents who couldn't give a crap. Suki: Quote:
 I kind of have the impression that it won't be until it actually happens that people start to truly think about the effects, because right now it's rather abstract. There was a lot of criticism, from what I vaguely remember, and I can't speak for every Englishman, lol, but personally I think it's good for a child to know where it has came from if it wants to know, so in a way it's a good idea.
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11-24-2010, 02:40 PM
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11-24-2010, 04:32 PM
I think that babies left on doorsteps and babies born via sperm donor are in VERY different categories. It is quite a stretch to lump them in together.
I can understand the desire for an adopted child to want to know where they came from - want to know WHY they were given up, to know if they have siblings, etc. But with a sperm donor it`s a bit odd to ask "Why did they give up their sperm?" - It isn`t quite the same as giving up a baby. There isn`t a huge sense of loss in ejaculating into a cup. I think that the desire to know where you came from really has a lot to do with who you are and when you were given up. Different periods in time had different reasons, so for someone given up in, for example, the 40s or 50s may have been removed from a potentially loving home because the mother was unmarried. I think where that sort of possibility is very real there is naturally going to be a strong desire to find out... At the very least to clear up any fantasies. I grew up raised by my grandparents. My mother ditched me there and basically never came back. If there hadn`t been a convenient place to leave me, there is a fair chance she would have put me up for adoption. I can`t say whether I would want to search for my real parents if that had been the case - but sometimes it is better not to know. To me, my grandmother was my mother. I consider her that in every way. My mother gave me life and gave birth to me, but that is really about it. When she decided she needed someone to take care of the other kids she`d had in the meantime and took me back - it felt as if I was living in a strangers home... And felt that way until I was able to leave. Having no one around who you could consider family, who you could count on would likely lead to a lot of stress, and a very strong desire to know your roots. I believe this is true in your case, Dogsbody70. But I believe it is quite different for a child who was either adopted very early into, or born into (via surrogate or sperm/egg donation) a loving and devoted family. Blood related or not, it would indeed be a family. That foundation of family support would be there in a way that would be impossible for one raised in a group home.
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11-24-2010, 05:12 PM
the thing is that I have been involved in people searching for their parent/s.
And believe me there often is a LOT of agony. even those who had a decent adoptive home often feel the need to KNOW. its human nature to want to know. when a person does not resemble their adoptive parents at all or sisters/brothers they often have a strong yearning to know-- especially about the mother. those mothers who in the early sixities were forced to give up their babies because it was considered a dreaful sin to have a child out of wedlock. Many never got over it-- and constantly search to try to trace their adult son or daughter.. Maybe some surrogate women can shrug it off-- actually giving birth to a child meant for another couple-- but many Do come to regret it-- because having carried a child in their womb, gone through labour etc-- then just passing the baby over-- can never be easy. I know there have been women who have been a surrogate several times over--- Its usually for money-- But there are those who regret it so much. even where it is arranged between friends who offer to help out gay couples-- it does not all end up rosy at all. Yes there are those who do not care at all where they come from but there are plenty who NEED to know. In the past couples who could not have their own children adopted a baby. Iwonder if they ever considered the mother who was forced to give up her baby. It is hard to adopt a normal health baby now in UK-- so often it is children who may be disabled or not totally perfect who needs a permanent home. We have thousands of children here in UK who are needing loving homes. Not many couples want to take on a child that is not a baby so the children end up thrown around the so called care system. Unwanted. There was a time in this country when an adopted child was never told that he/.she was adopted-- but that changed with the childrens Act in 1975. we are desperate for foster carers here-- but fostering is not always easy and its not easy to find enough foster carers. There were some kids who were fostered in America-- and some of the tales they told of their experiences were horrific. many kids were just put onto trains and some one would collect them from the train somewhere along the line. I believe that bringing children into the world should be something not taken lightly. Using donors where the egg donor is chosen via the internet-- then a different surrogate-- then providing the sperm-- IS designing Babies to suit. What happens when things go wrong and the child does not fit in with the life style of the couple who arrange to bring a child into the world. There are so many aspects about this. it should never be done lightly. I would feel as if I had been manufactured according to the couples whim. Okay if all is well and the child/ren is brought up with the information many probably will be satisfied and not want to know-- but what happens when they fall out with the couple-- if it is a couple-- what does the young person do then. Donor conceived person - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Surrogacy UK - What is Surrogacy - Legalities this site was in 2003 so unsure how up to date it may be regarding Japan. Here comes the egg biz: ova operations open in Japan | Japan, Inc. | Find Articles at BNET http://ukba.homeoffice.gov.uk/siteco...rogacy-leaflet
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11-24-2010, 09:19 PM
Given a case where the medical histories of the birth parents are available, I see absolutely no justification to know who they were personally.
Since when does one person's curiosity have more justification than another person's right to privacy? Beyond health issues that could impact that or the next generation, I consider releasing identities of donors (sperm, kidneys or whatever) to be an invasion and breach of basic rights. And such demands have already proven to result in unrecoverable drops in donations. If you support genetic donations, you better consider continuing to protect the rights of the donors or forget the entire concept. From the point of view of the offspring, I have to wonder which would be worse: Knowing only that you were the result of two people giving something of theirs so that your adopting parents could bring you into their world;As for surrogates and that whole line, well back to adoptions! Just because someone can get pregnant does not mean they should.  Only an open mind and open heart can be filled with life. ********************* Find your voice; silence will not protect you.
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