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01-11-2011, 09:27 PM
Hey there Sal, we meet again.
 First of all, lay back. I know it looks like way too much to handle right now, but it's not as bad as it seems. It's a baby! Your baby. There's no way having a baby can be bad news. Or too much of one, anyway. I mean, this might not be the best of times and you had a whole bright future ahead of you and you might have to rearrange it, but not all is lost! You don't have to drop your studies forever, you might just need to put them off until everything's settled down. I know when you first hear it's like crazy and you can't believe it is you this is happening to, but if you're able to analyze the situation from a different perspective you might find you're not as unlucky as you think. Your girlfriend's made a decision. I don't know how much of your opinion she took into account when making her final decision, but either way, want it or not, you are in this situation and you're gonna have to face it, so might as well make a good experience out of it, since it's your child and you're gonna see things from a total different point of view once you take it all in and embrace the fact that you are going to be a dad. Really, once the scary part's over, you're gonna be excited about it. Just keep one thing in mind. You're the father of this child and nothing can change that, but you're not attached to the girl forever. If you feel you don't want to be in this relationship anymore, you should tell her. Not the best timing, but it's best to be honest right from the start. It'll be way worse if you let her go on thinking you're okay with her, and later on when the baby arrives you break things up with her. Maybe she'll change her mind about wanting to keep it if she knows you want out of the relationship. Anyway, you can still be a father to that child without having to be a boyfriend to the mother. It makes things more complicated, but it's just silly to stay with someone you don't want to be with, and if that's how it is then your girlfriend deserves to know. It's your baby and you can't run away from it, but you can be honest with your girlfriend if you're not thinking of staying with her. I wish you luck with whatever it is you choose to do. Things will be fine, you can do this if you want to. Quote:
everything is relative and contradictory ~
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01-12-2011, 06:13 AM
A child is a gift, why look at it as "OMG you ruined my life?" This isn't about university or even what color car you like, or even your parents. The choices you make here on out will reflect on this person's life for the next potential 80 years. Your a father now, don't let this child's memories of you be poor ones, or the person who says "OMG you ruined my life" may be your child.
These are rather harsh words I know, but better to hear harshness from strangers than harsheness from your child. Mine you can forget as some bloke from wherever, those from your child will remain with you for ever.
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01-12-2011, 07:16 AM
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It would be great if you do decide to stay by her side if you "truly" have feeling for her, but please do not let the child be only reason why you do not want to stay. I pretty sure your parents will come around, now they are just upset give it some time. Hope for you the best.
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01-12-2011, 07:21 AM
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01-12-2011, 08:05 AM
I have mixed feelings on this. Sure I believe it's the mothers right to choose to have the baby or not but if she does so against your wishes does she have the right to expect you stay by her side? Especially considering that both of you were taking precautions not to have a child I don't see why your life should be totally changed because of her selfish desires to have the child.
Regardless of what some have said on here it will change your life dramatically, especially if your family will not be much support. Because obviously neither of you will have much money, you'll need all the support you can get. Personally I'd be taking your families advice and getting out of town. If neither of you were taking precautions against a pregnancy or had been planning a baby then I would wholeheartedly encourage you to man up but this is not the case here.
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01-12-2011, 09:42 AM
GN spoken just like a Man.
Must be handy just to be able to disappear including of any responsibilities. Sex was so we would pro create-- so why the surprise? No doubt the majority of men do shuttle off--------because it is so easy because they are not carrying that baby. so I guess the old age adage-- "always let your conscience be your guide" maybe the baby could go to a couple who are desperate for a baby if the OP's girl friend would be willing-- but Hey-- isn't that what always USED to Happen. should only the woman carry the can for a condum breaking or a contraceptive pill not working.What if it was Meant to Be? that this baby was destined to be conceived by these two people? Ah well I hope that everyone concerned in all of this will talk--more likely it will be the girls parents who will help look after their gr. child. Nowadays this happens such alot and frequently the grand parents Do help out and love and cherish that child as if it is their own. This young man is a decent person I believe and scared. I believe SUKI gave good advice on here-- along with some others. This must be the most common occurrence we hear of daily------------- just think how wonderful when this child looks up to his bio father-- and says "I love you Dad."
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01-12-2011, 09:55 AM
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01-12-2011, 10:04 AM
So even after both of you have taken all reasonable precautions to prevent a pregnancy (because neither of you wanted a child) the man should still be held to ransom for the rest of his life purely because the women won't agree to an abortion? Maybe this is the right thing but I don't think it's fair one little bit. And it's hardly a recipe for a healthy, loving relationship that will be good for the child.
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01-12-2011, 10:09 AM
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Besides, he didn't mention the girl forced him to stay with her. @Salvanas I'm not a father either and I don't even know you. But as a mother I hope I can give you some tips. If you are truly committed to take responsibility you should let your parents know it. I mean have you considered marriage? Your parents may not feel that your determination is solid enough, to be honest you really seem to hesitate. And it's natural they place you before your unborn child from a girl they never even met(I'm guessing here but even if they met her, I'm sure they don't know her). If they think, they can keep you from doing this, they will try it by all means. My mother-in-law hadn't accept our child (thus neither our relationship) till she saw him with her own eye. I mean although she's a good person, my life was a living hell when I was pregnant and she was around. I think she kind of hoped that I would have miscarriage or we'd break up before the child was born. I couldn't understand how could she act so cruel towards me and her unborn grandchild. Now I know that she only wanted to protect his son and she felt wounded because her advice wasn't asked nor listened. I think your mother might feel the same 'pain' right now: not only that some random girl 'takes' her son away from her, but you 'ruin' your life by putting yourself in this very difficult situation. If you want to take full responsibility tell them that you do and you will do, and try to make it clear that you're aware of the meaning of it. Cause taking care of the child won't be easy, your parents already know this, they might feel that you don't. I'm on this 'parents' subject because I think you'll definitely need their help to be able to live a full life. And not only theirs but your gf' parents too. I had classmates in the uni who already had children and they managed to keep up with everything but they all had full support from their relatives and their partners loved them very much. You have 7-9 month to plane and arrange everything before your child arrives, you both can finish this year easily and surely your parents will come around, they'll understand/accept your decision, if you keep telling them that you love them and you don't want to lose them and you want to take care of your child just like they did take care of you. I hope I could help some... I wish you the best!
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01-12-2011, 10:10 AM
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Ah well GN-- why should the woman Have to have an abortion. Its not exactly simple or easy is it? Maybe not fair-- but if you create a child-- Meant for this awful world that we have-- its okay to destroy it? As you know it is expensive bringing up a child. You are right about in this particular case--not an ideal situation for any child to be with parents who do not love each other. But financial support? do you not agree to that either? It's not only the physical aspect of abortion that can damage a woman but the psychological aspect.
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