I really need help from the fathers out there.

[princessmarisa]

Originally Posted by RobinMask

People are entitled to their opinions. Marisa is entitled to hers.

This thread was specifically written for a specific case where the original poster wanted specific advice to his specific situation . . . if you want to argue about abandonment, adoption, right/wrong, responsibilities then please do so in an appropriate thread. You seem to hijack a LOT of threads just to say 'xyz problem is tantamount to abandonment and these fathers/mothers are scum', and not only is that not helpful to the poor guy who started this thread, it's not helpful in any of the other threads where you do this either.

Marisa has her opinions. Everyone hear has their opinions. There is no right or wrong answer, so please don't make assumptions or cruel comments about Marisa when you know nothing about her.

Off-topic rant over.

Thankyou RobinMask.

I tend to not reply to such personal flying-off-the-handle rants as I think they speak for the poster far more than anything I could say to defend myself, and why should I have to defend something I never said, and is merely a presumption based in ignorance.

Some people just don't know how to debate in a calm, impersonal, logical manner and jump to conclusions when someone disagrees with them.
Such a shame really, I like to hear others opinions and moderate my own conclusions accordingly if presented with good reasons for backing up a viewpoint. Over emotional statements and attacks aren't going to ever help evolve any groups opinions.

[MMM]

Originally Posted by Ronin4hire

I think you're failing to see the dilemma here.

Misa GN and I think it's unfair for a woman to have a baby when it hasn't been agreed upon.

Which makes your experiences irrelevant to the discussion.

A man agrees to have a baby with a woman the moment he puts his thing inside her. He knows the laws and knows the risks. We can say "It's not fair!" But it shouldn't be a surprise to anyone engaging in sex. Having sex when you don't want to have a baby is risky behavior.

I am not making a moral judgement, but just showing that it is a gamble when engaged in.

[MMM]

Originally Posted by MissMisa

Sorry but your view is so old fashioned man, seriously. I mean you are entitled to it and everything but whatever. It's fine for a woman to cancel that agreement by having an abortion AFTER they've had sex, but it's not fine for a man to do the same (aka walking away). Psh, because that's equal.

So are saying engaging in sex when you do not want to have a baby is not risky behavior?

Are you saying people shouldn't understand the responsibilities and risks they take if what results is a baby?

Legally a man is responsible for his baby, at least financially, until the child turns 18. That's not my moral attitude, that is the fact. He can walk away if he wants, but he will always be that baby's biological father and will be responsible. If this isn't clear, then people aren't smart enough to be messing around with sex. (I am not saying the OP is in this category.)

[protheus]

It finally comes to her decision, she is the one which will need to carry it/her/him, feed it the first weeks after birth and I respect her decision. If she changes her mind after the fact is done, why some of you blame her?
About him, he isn't pinned down to stay, but he may choose to. ( I respect both choices)
Anyway, its clear, sex wasn't created for baby making, I wonder how sometimes something goes wrong and one pops up .

PS:Trusting a ~0.1 mm thin sheet of rubber/latex/other compounds to protect you from baby-consequences is a lottery with a 2% "win" chance.
Condom wiki ("...women whose partners use male condoms experience a 2% per-year pregnancy rate)...."
Trusting a pill is another lottery. Conception had about 5 million years to develop, man only had about 20.000 years to find a way to stop its purpose and barely managed something towards that in the last 100 or so years. The methods are still not perfect, but are good enough, talking in chances.

[Columbine]

Originally Posted by Salvanas

Are there any fathers out there, that have had the same experiences? Or even just some tips, or any help?[/color][/size][/font]

Hi Salvanas,

I may not be a parent, but I have a few friends who had children as young as you, and there's a couple of practical things i have to add to other posts here.

First things first; It's not the end of the world. It's not what you planned, but it is not necessarily the death knell on everything. Your parents are clearly shocked and upset, but give them time. It's probably hit them out of the blue and they're acting irrationally because of it. Try and remain calm and lay out the situation to them logically. Relocating to London is not going to magically solve your girlfriend's pregnancy or change the fact that your going to be a father. Do they really want a son who ditches on his responsibilities? If they're egging each other on, perhaps try talking to them separately. You sound like you want to do the adult thing, make them realise this. I appreciate this might be difficult if they don't know or like your girlfriend. What about her family though? Are her parents aware, will they be supportive?

Staying in education is probably a more sensible choice than dropping out and trying to find a job right now, given the current hiring prospects. your baby will be around for a long time; you might not be in a situation where you can easily re-apply for university. Your girlfriend will be eligible for child maintenance and other benefits depending on her financial circumstances; YOU won't be required to pay for everything. If the idea of it is stressing you out, talk to someone and figure out what you need to budget; there are family planning clinics that offer free consultations about parenting. Ask your doctor where you might get such information. They can also maybe help you deal with the emotional side of things, as well as practicalities.

Especially go and talk to your university, and hers. You will not be the first students in this situation by a very long shot, and they may have measures to deal with it. This might include things like a sabbatical, changing from a full-time to a part-time course, delaying your graduation for you or if you are very lucky, help finding financial aid. Having a child may put a dent in your plans and require a little shuffling about but it need not de-rail them altogether. My best friend was born whilst her mother was at university, and this was in the 80's. She kept going and graduated. One of my friends switched to an Open University course. She now has her degree and is able to continue working towards her chosen career. Another decided to leave university, but set up a small business instead and is doing perfectly well, and she has twins!

You're still a sensible, logical person; life's thrown you a curveball, but try not to get overwhelmed and focus on what you -can- do rather than what you're worried you can't do, or feel you'll lose. And most of all get some solid advice from somewhere other than the internet!.

[Suki]

Originally Posted by MMM

A man agrees to have a baby with a woman the moment he puts his thing inside her.

Man, this gets the prize for being the silliest thing I've read on this board.

What do you suggest, people stay away from having sex unless they are ready to have a child? Psh. Really, this is just plain stupid.

[MMM]

Originally Posted by MissMisa

If you wear a condom, take your pill properly and also take the morning after pill if things 'go wrong' then the risk is SO minute it barely counts. It's not what I'd call risky, no, if you take the correct precautions. It's no more risky then getting in your car to drive to work. If you class that as risky then everything must be risky to you.

Tell this to the OP.

The RISK PERCENTAGE may be minute, but the RISK RESULTS are gigantic for the lives of two (or now three) people.

Let's say the risk of making a baby while using a condom is 0.01%, meaning 1 in 10,000 times a pregnancy happens.

What if instead of talking about pregnancy, we were talking the risk of a nuclear radiation leak. If the government told a community that the risk of nuclear radiation leakage hitting the water supply and infecting the water was only 0.01% there would be public outrage.

The RISK PERCENTAGE is low, but the RESULTS are huge.

Originally Posted by Suki

Man, this gets the prize for being the silliest thing I've read on this board.

What do you suggest, people stay away from having sex unless they are ready to have a child? Psh. Really, this is just plain stupid.

What is so stupid about it? Would you give your car keys to someone who didn't have a driver's license? Would you send your child to school if the teachers were not trained and prepared to teach?

This reminds me of a line from the movie Parenthood:

"You know, Mrs. Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car - hell, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they'll let any butt-reaming a$$hole be a father. "

Unfortunately people have the only "license" required to be a father or mother once they hit puberty.

I am not telling anyone what to do or what not to do, but just as if you driving without a license is irresponsible, engaging in sex without being prepared for the potential consequences is not responsible.

[Ronin4hire]

Originally Posted by MMM

What is so stupid about it? Would you give your car keys to someone who didn't have a driver's license? Would you send your child to school if the teachers were not trained and prepared to teach?

Well research shows that teaching abstinence actually increases the risk of unwanted pregnancy.

[Suki]

Originally Posted by MMM

What is so stupid about it? Would you give your car keys to someone who didn't have a driver's license? Would you send your child to school if the teachers were not trained and prepared to teach?

This reminds me of a line from the movie Parenthood:

"You know, Mrs. Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car - hell, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they'll let any butt-reaming a$$hole be a father. "

Unfortunately people have the only "license" required to be a father or mother once they hit puberty.

I am not telling anyone what to do or what not to do, but just as if you driving without a license is irresponsible, engaging in sex without being prepared for the potential consequences is not responsible.

Look at you deviating from your original statement.

You said "A man agrees to have a baby with a woman the moment he puts his thing inside her", which means that -according to you- no man who isn't ready to be a father should ever have sex, until he feels he is ready and can deal with the responsabilities that may come with it.

This logic is bullshit, in my opinion. The only purpose of sex isn't to make babies, and you know that.

So what you are saying isn't much different from saying it's okay for people to die when doing extreme sports, such as mountain-climbing, because they know what the risks are before doing it, so they knew what was coming to them, and so it's fair. See my point?

People won't give up sex because of that, and yeah, it is very stupid to say people shouldn't have sex unless they're ready to become a parent. Because there's more to sex than breeding, and you seem to be old enough to have realized that by now.

[dogsbody70]

umm without contraception surely a baby will be conceived if the time is right.

The catholics have their own rhythm method- withdrawal.

why do you think we have such a sexual drive-- surely it was to procreate.

anyone who says it was only to have FUN-- or whatever you may call it.

we were told to procreate. Animals only have sex when they are ready to have progeny.They don't do it for FUN. Nature decided that sex was the way to procreate.

Sure if you take all the precautions avoid STD's etc, don't get AIDs, Gonnoreah, syphillus, Chlammydia -- which used to be very common, sure go and have fun.
But never forget-- sex was not created for FUN.

Before there were any contraceptives women had babies they did not want or back street abortions.

Yes both partners need to always be careful and aware-- .

One man could sire many children