Distance

[ryuhebi13]

Are you talking about Demitrichan?

[YukisUke]

Originally Posted by Demitrichan

I currently have a girl friend that I have yet to see, and I've been dating her for about a month and one week now.
I want to see her more than anything but her father keeps us apart. Telling her she lives in a fantasy world.
We are separated by about fifty miles and the distance sometimes cause problems.
I'm not sure what to do sometimes and other times I just plain don't care because (although I am young) I only want her and I couldn't deal with life, without her she helps me through so much. (I'm rambling)
Have you had a similar relationship situation?
How did you deal with it?

I haven't had a situation like that ever in my life. But I can tell you that you're in for the long run. All I can say is that if you really want this to work, don't give up. Aja Aja fighting!!!

[RobinMask]

Originally Posted by HimeChan13

To me, it is real. The only thing is that we can't touch each other. We talk on the phone every night. I feel like I've known this person my entire life, but I actually have not. I feel the connection so strongly that I sometimes don't even need to be talking to the person to know what's going on, I just know. The distance sucks, but I think it will make it better when we do meet. The feelings might be even more intense with the physical closeness added in... I can't wait. ^.^

I totally agree with Dogs on this. How do you know it's real unless you've met them? You don't know if you can cope with their annoying bad habits, or if you can stand certain physical qualities they may have, or if you're truly compatible. I know it may sound cynical to some, but you really need to see a person in real life in order to get to know them.

I mean I've known one of my best friends for ten years - she's like a sister to me - and I spent a week living with her on holiday, and even though I love her I still was grateful it was only a week and not two. You see a side to someone in real life that you don't see online, a whole other side to them living with them that you don't see just hanging out. It turns out I'm pretty anal with chores, which drove her mad, and likewise her lax nature with 'I'll do it in a moment' drove me mad too. We still adore one another, but we couldn't really live together for too long, we're just too different.

You can know someone your whole life and not truly know them in a real sense, so if you're miles apart and haven't ever truly met then you're knowledge of a person is pretty low in my opinion. You could be in for a lot of heartache if you invest so much so early. Wait a while, meet in person, and then judge if it's real or not.

[Jusa]

I have two long-distance relationships behind me. One was about two years the other was about four years. Both of them lived in the states, while I'm from Scandinavia. I never met the first one but I met the second one three times. She came here once for about a month and I went there twice; 3 months both visits.

I was 16 when I met the first and 22 when I met the second one. Phone calls, internet and snail mail as contact methods.

If you ask me which is more realistic? Face to face dating, without a doubt.

Talking on the phone and voice + webcam is a good way to deal with being apart, while it also makes it harder at the same time. But those are essential in actually learning to know about each other. Just typing online isn't gonna give you a full idea of who the person is and what they are like.

Sure you get to know things you might not ever learn if you met them face to face instead of online. But there's a good chance the person you met online isn't going to be anything like what they are on the inside while they TYPE. The second girl I dated was pretty close to polar opposites online vs. real life. Even phone vs. real life was clearly very different when it came to her. We might have been compatible online but we weren't compatible at all in real life.

I'd say meeting them as soon as possible is what should be done before you get in too deep, it can get messy.

Also there's a difference between needing someone in your life versus becoming dependent on someone's existence to ponder about (for many reasons e.g. because they get me and understand me like no other ever has; because it feels like we're soul mates; because there possibly can't be anyone else who loves me as much; because they relate to me so well).

[TrainOfThought]

I agree, you don't really know a person until you spend some with them IRL.
I had known my ex for about a year before we decided to start "dating."
I put the quotation marks around "dating" since we hadn't actually met yet, but we both knew we liked eachother, and we decided to meet up asap. And so we did!
Spending time IRL is sooooo different from just talking online/on the phone, and sometimes it felt like it wasn't even the same person (not necessarily a bad thing).

On the other hand, online dating can be a good way to get to know eachother before you actually meet up. My mum did it, and got married 6 months after they met up, so the possibility for it to work out is there, but don't make any huge plans until you get to know the person IRL.
I've noticed a lot of young (13-17) people date people online without actually meeting the person they're dating, even though they live in the same city! I really don't see the point of doing that, but that's OT.

I think you should slow down and try not to get TOO attached to her, meet up ASAP and THEN decide if you still think she's someone you want to be in a relationship with.

[TalnSG]

Originally Posted by Demitrichan

There's realist and then just plain cynical :/

True, but there is also optomistic and trusting, then just plain oblivious.

Realist - My gut wrenching knowledge of far too many people people who find out painfully that their LD relationship was more fantasy than reality, and just how much it costs in the long run. All the sympathy and warnings from those who have been there will never be heeded by those caught in the dreams.

Cynic - Accepting that people will cling to the smallest hope and build fantasy relationships in an obsessive need to feel loved, so I should just ignore their self-blinding stupidity.

[TalnSG]

Originally Posted by RobinMask

That makes sense. Fair enough

On-topic though, another poster asked how you can know whether another person is lying or not. I will always think that meeting in real life is best, but until then have you tried webcam? Most messenger services - most famously Skype - enable you to have video calls with the other person, and seeing them and speaking to them 'in person' might help ease any pains that come from distance. It would also enable you to get to know them better, because then you have other things to go on, such as body language and tone of voice.

Video chat helps a lot. Unfortunately editing the background environment to match a false identity is extremely easy. Still its better than nothing, and not everyone is a good actor.

[dogsbody70]

Originally Posted by RobinMask

I totally agree with Dogs on this. How do you know it's real unless you've met them? You don't know if you can cope with their annoying bad habits, or if you can stand certain physical qualities they may have, or if you're truly compatible. I know it may sound cynical to some, but you really need to see a person in real life in order to get to know them.

I mean I've known one of my best friends for ten years - she's like a sister to me - and I spent a week living with her on holiday, and even though I love her I still was grateful it was only a week and not two. You see a side to someone in real life that you don't see online, a whole other side to them living with them that you don't see just hanging out. It turns out I'm pretty anal with chores, which drove her mad, and likewise her lax nature with 'I'll do it in a moment' drove me mad too. We still adore one another, but we couldn't really live together for too long, we're just too different.

You can know someone your whole life and not truly know them in a real sense, so if you're miles apart and haven't ever truly met then you're knowledge of a person is pretty low in my opinion. You could be in for a lot of heartache if you invest so much so early. Wait a while, meet in person, and then judge if it's real or not.

everything u say is so true robin. many friendships can be broken up during holidays together.

i think we can so easily fool ourselves but the test is living together. we all have our own way of doing things that can really irritate the other person