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06-19-2011, 09:23 PM
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06-20-2011, 01:51 AM
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06-20-2011, 03:04 AM
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06-20-2011, 04:34 AM
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I usually dont participate unless I know the person enough or can make jokes about it. But in the schools here, you will hear of it being spoken. Remember in America, not one story accounts for all ^^ Edit; I mean colleges, before I realized Schools could account for it often. Also I hear things on the local bus I can never unhear again.../shiver
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06-20-2011, 04:42 AM
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I had a friend who was recently divorced, and part of the reason for the divorce had to do with fantasies he and his wife had. Sometimes fantasies should remain simply that: fantasy. Living out the fantasy eventually led to the divorce. He talked very open and frankly about it to me and most of his close friends, and I have to say everyone sitting at the table felt extremely uncomfortable hearing details about his sexual fantasies. And remember: making jokes is a defense mechanism when something is uncomfortable.
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06-20-2011, 04:42 AM
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I'll just give some vague definitions of what I consider to be acquaintance (superficial ones), (actual) friends, and (truly) close friends. To me, - an acquaintance is just someone I know of by name and have hung out with a few times, someone who I feel could become a friend if I spent more time with them, or someone who I would prefer to keep as an acquaintance because I don't usually want to see them one on one - a friend is someone I would help if they were having troubles, someone whose life I take an interest in, and earnestly look forward to seeing again, though I may not keep in contact regularly, when we see each other we pick up where we left off - a close friend is someone for who I'd drop whatever I was doing, like leave work suddenly, and rush to the hospital if they got hurt. I would fly back to Canada for a close friend's wedding, not just a regular friend, unless it was convenient and lined up with other stuff, many birds with one stone kind of thing. If a close friend got into something destructive, hard drug use or the like, I'd gladly spend most of my free time trying to help that friend, and take holidays off work to be there in the worst of those times. For a regular friend I'd be there to talk often, and of course wouldn't abandon my friendship because of the habit, but would make sure that my own life didn't get drawn into it so keeping some distance would be necessary. It would keep me up at night though, thinking and empathizing. I'd not think twice about an acquaintance destroying his life, more of an "is that so... shame, guess he's not invited to the party next month" By those definitions, I easily have over 500 acquaintances, probably much more, around 200 friends, and around 20-30 close friends. I know that I have a few more close friends and friends than many people by those standards by virtue of my having lived in many many places, Sannomiya is my 18th city. And that people who spend their lives in one town tend to have maybe a quarter that. If what I wrote so far seems kind of usual in western culture, then so far so good. I feel that Japanese people in the same age-group, will be surprised at these figures, and the definitions of the groups, they might feel like these numbers are greater than they've experienced in Japan. I feel that Japanese people will be rather surprised at how often westerners spend time with friends, and the depth of conversation they have with friends. I feel that Japanese people will be overwhelmed by how much westerners open up to friends, how honest they are. I feel it's not uncommon for Japanese people to use tatemae with their closer friends, and it's expected with regular friends. Where as I expect it with acquantances but not with friends, and certainly not with close friends, that would even be insulting.
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06-20-2011, 04:46 AM
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There are a great many people in Japan with which you should never discuss these things, and then just as many with which it's fine to do so. The same goes for any country. That said, sex doesn't have the taboo or negative stigma associated with it that westerners do. Also religion and politics are easier to talk about with anyone without having to worry about getting into a heated debate.
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