JF - Classy no more

[evanny]

Nyoroin. do you rise your kids bi-lingual? i think it is a great chance for kids if their parents come from different speaking countries specially if they live in a country where almost no one is bi-lingual.
in school the kid may swap english for something else and end up speaking 3 or 4 languages.


the other day i had a very nice american couple visiting my shop. spent a good hour talking to them and in all that time they brought up several times how cool it is that i am bi-lingual and what i am planing to do with the languages i know. sounded like in other countries like usa it might be a big deal and help a lot.

P.S and a lot of westerners also visit western countries for sex. take my country for example. full of horny english and italian tourists looking for sex because they can easily get it here. plenty of hot and thin girls. and as a citizen it does annoy me and sometimes the only thing that stops me from wanting to punch some of them is that i know those are mostly russian girls and to get a real latvian beauty most of them won't have a chance in 100 years. so i see why Japanese would be upset because of that. still, have to admit that it is also the country's fault which enables it.

[spicytuna]

Originally Posted by RealJames

watching your brothers and especially sisters being seen as sexual meat to be devoured in the eyes of westerners can be infuriating yes, so I can understand where you are coming from

please, though, not for one instant should you behave in a manner that might indicate it isn't happening in equal if not greater proportions in the opposite direction

I agree 100%.

It infuriates me when I see westerners in Japan acting as though they're in an all you can eat buffet.

But that's when I'm reminded of many of the Japanese working holiday girls I've met in Canada. You know, the ones who help reinforce the stereotype of the "Yellow Cab". Many of whom have boyfriends of even fiances back in Japan.

[Nyororin]

Originally Posted by evanny

Nyoroin. do you rise your kids bi-lingual? i think it is a great chance for kids if their parents come from different speaking countries specially if they live in a country where almost no one is bi-lingual.
in school the kid may swap english for something else and end up speaking 3 or 4 languages.

Nope. I am that one-in-a-million native English speaker who is not raising their child to be bi-lingual in English and another language. My son can`t speak English - and yes, I`ve heard so many times I cannot even begin to count what a horrible disservice I am doing him, and how awful a mother I am for not teaching him, etc etc.

We all have our reasons.

so i see why Japanese would be upset because of that. still, have to admit that it is also the country's fault which enables it.

I don`t really think that Japanese are upset about it, as the only Japanese who really know about it are those who... well, want to reciprocate. The women hanging out at the "easy lay gaijin bars" are the girls who want to take advantage of that. Most of the guys who come to Japan wanting to screw a Japanese girl don`t end up coming into much contact with normal girls, and end up passing around the girls in that circle.

[evanny]

i am not one, but i think being a parent is something a lot more that just rising your child to be bi-lingual. i will say i am surprised, but i do not think that makes you a bad mother

and yes. it is usually the girls choice to feed of tourists. but it still can and does make locals, specially men, angry...must be some primitive instinct form ages long gone.

[Nyororin]

Originally Posted by evanny

i am not one, but i think being a parent is something a lot more that just rising your child to be bi-lingual. i will say i am surprised, but i do not think that makes you a bad mother

If, in the future, my son takes an interest in speaking English I will certainly support him in every way.
However, I weighed the options and decided against it. I think I`ve written about it before, but to sum it up - I studied linguistics and did a long term study on the language acquisition of children in bi-lingual households... And the effects this had on their family dynamic.
Children learn the language of their primary caretaker first, and only tend to catch up with the second language once immersed in an environment where it is spoken by their peers (like school).
Up to school age, language ability is really governed by the amount of time they spend with the speakers. So, in a family situation where they are with one parent (and one language) 90% of their waking time, 90% of their language skills will be in that language.
That`s fine when the parents can both speak that language... But what happens when the minor language they spend 90% of their time listening to is one that the other parent doesn`t understand? That parent tends to miss out on a lot, and the overwhelming response from parents who didn`t speak the minority language was one of sadness and loneliness... As they were unable to understand the majority of the first 6 or 7 years of their child`s life. The children also had a much stronger bond with parents who spoke their primary language during early childhood.

My husband does not speak English. We live in Japan. The only real way to raise my son bilingually would have been for me to speak to him in English. He would definitely have acquired English first, and would likely not have learnt all that much Japanese until school age.
What would that have meant for my monolingual Japanese husband? It means he would have been pushed to the sidelines, and would have had trouble communicating with his own child during the most formative years of life - and likely would have had a compromised relationship with him for the rest of his life as a result.

That wasn`t a sacrifice I was willing to make. I am lucky to have a husband who wants to be involved in our son`s life in every way. There is NO WAY I am going to just throw that away for the sake of bilingualism.

must be some primitive instinct form ages long gone.

I am going to go out on a limb and offer my opinion. I think that part of it may be the pressures of their society. When a woman sleeps around, society tends to shun her. But when the man is someone who she will not only never see again, but who is from somewhere far away enough that he is unlikely to have an effect on her social standing... Things change.
I think that for some women, it is a chance to get attention with no risk of backlash and no worry of getting involved further.

[Pogopuschel]

Wake up guys, that's how the world works. It's not about "white guys" or "Japanese girls" or whatever. Guys want to have sex. Many Asian girls want to try white guys. Where's the problem? Both parties get what they want. Grow up. To me it sounds like the op is bitter because because many Asian women DO prefer white people as their partners.

That's simply the fault of today's media and society. Most famous actors are white. White people are portrayed as people in powerful positions and as people of high status. Girls like people of high status, no matter what race they are. It's just how these things are associated with one another.

The same goes for physical appearance, grow up. It's scientifically proven that appearance of the opposite sex is a deciding factor for guys while it is a relatively minor factor for girls. Well, it depends on how you define appearance. For guys, appearance is almost equal to "being sexy". For girls, appearance may including being clean, well-groomed, well-dressed, etc. Anyway, it should also be clear that almost all guys prefer skinny women and Asian countries are among the lowest of obesity in the world. That may have something to do with it. Everyone who thinks that partners are chosen purely, or even mostly, on personality is living in some kind of dream world.

If American girls were over-proportionally attracted to Japanese guys then a whole swarm of Japanese guys would come to study abroad in the US for exactly that reason. Unfortunately that's not the case and that makes some people bitter. Actually I have met quite a bunch of Japanese guys who just came to the US to "**** a girl with big t***".
They were downright honest, which I like.

I am not saying that it is right to "use" a girl. That's never right, independent of race. However, most of the time girls want it just as bad (or even more) than guys. I can honestly say that I have *never* tried to trick/use a girl. I have always been honest and said things like "Sorry, I'm not in love with you so we shouldn't go any further." or "I'm not looking for a relationship." More often than not the answer was "Yeah Yeah I know and I got it, let's just have fun".

It's not about being classy. Grow up and stop whining. If things were the other way round ("White" girls "prefer" Asian guys) you would not be complaining here.

[kenmei]

a few things.. i didn't really read the replies, so forgive me if this is a rehash of others ideas.


godwine, i respect you a lot and agree with you on the majority of this topic. it irks me just as much as you to see these people who narrow their choices down and become completely obsessed. however, singling out "white boys" is stupid. there are chinese, twese, koreans, etc with this same problem. it always pissed me off in school when guys like you came saying things like this. yes, it is more prevalent with "white boys", but no, it's not ONLY them. it irks me even more, because of the whole "holier than thou" attitude towards the subject. making it seemingly only "acceptable" for an asian to have "japanese fever" but not a caucasian (they both equally suck).

you're singling out a race and it makes YOU look dumb. it makes you look like a racist. i've come across a number of asians that hate on me because they think i'm one of those "yellow fever white boys", so this topic hits home hard and really pisses me off (i'm married to a japanese). get your head out of your ass, anyone can have "j-girl fever" and it doesn't make it more acceptable because you physically look more like a japanese than a caucasian.

the rest of our arguement i will agree with. people with obsessions need help.

[tokusatsufan]

Originally Posted by Pogopuschel

It's scientifically proven that appearance of the opposite sex is a deciding factor for guys while it is a relatively minor factor for girls. Well, it depends on how you define appearance. For guys, appearance is almost equal to "being sexy". For girls, appearance may including being clean, well-groomed, well-dressed, etc. Anyway, it should also be clear that almost all guys prefer skinny women and Asian countries are among the lowest of obesity in the world. That may have something to do with it. Everyone who thinks that partners are chosen purely, or even mostly, on personality is living in some kind of dream world.

Yeah well scientists are the most sexist people you will meet. My teacher told us all in a class,basically,boys are s**t. And the girls all agreed. Which of course isn't great for a 14-year-old boy. There was also another one that liked to do ''boys against girls'',and of course the girls are gonna win because this country's education system is all for girls. They WANT to pay attention in class. Once,he said that because the girls won,they could go as normal,but the boys had to walk through the rain. So I took a minute putting my coat on.

Yeah,generally people are sexist. I don't know anyone else that thinks ''Whatever I do,I can't be sexist'',like I do. Other men live up to society's expectations. If I am going to be able to protest against sexism,I cannot then practice it. I have even been accused of being sexist by sexist people!

For me,if they look nice but are vile people,of course I'm not gonna go out with them. I'm not gonna put them on a pedestal if they're like that. If they look average but they're nice and flirt with me then that's enough for me. It's not reasonable for anybody,man or woman,to go out with a completely ugly person. I don't really see anyone as ugly though. So maybe if they were ugly to everyone else but I didn't see them as ugly,then I would end up marrying them.

[WingsToDiscovery]

I think the problem here is that, just like among many other things, the majority of users on this forum (and anywhere else on the internet, for that matter) are naive to reality. You're never going to get rid of all of the bad in the world. There's no point in getting bent out of shape because a minority of people are able to have a good time in another country.
What I find more annoying than the "I'm gonna sleep with Japanese girls" idea is the "I'm gonna be a manga artist and become a celebrity in Japan" idea. At least the former is obtainable, right or not. Welcome to the real world.

[kenmei]

Originally Posted by WingsToDiscovery

I think the problem here is that, just like among many other things, the majority of users on this forum (and anywhere else on the internet, for that matter) are naive to reality. You're never going to get rid of all of the bad in the world. There's no point in getting bent out of shape because a minority of people are able to have a good time in another country.
What I find more annoying than the "I'm gonna sleep with Japanese girls" idea is the "I'm gonna be a manga artist and become a celebrity in Japan" idea. At least the former is obtainable, right or not. Welcome to the real world.

excelent point.