Are online relationships common in Japan?

[MMM]

Originally Posted by Brass

It's nearly impossible to get a japanese girlfriend around here, I'd really have to luck out, so I will look online. Do japanese girls usually go for the long distance/online relationship with guys they chat with? I had a few japanese pen pals about half a year ago and all of them stated up front "no romance" in their profile before you even communicated with them. I respected their profile and never once tried to spark up any romantic talk with any of the women I talked to.

Are most japanese women like this or did I just have some bad luck on the penpal site I was on? I'm looking for a mostly online relationship and to visit japan maybe 1-2 times a year. Is this common?

What's the attraction of dating someone who doesn't live in Japan, and you may see only once or twice a year?

[Brass]

Originally Posted by MMM

What's the attraction of dating someone who doesn't live in Japan, and you may see only once or twice a year?

Good question. I actually assumed any girl that would agree to date me and only see me once or twice a year would also have a local boyfriend.

But then again, I can't really think of a compelling reason why a woman would date me locally either.

[tokusatsufan]

Originally Posted by spicytuna

For some odd reason, people on penpal sites are usually looking for penpals.

Perhaps you should join an online dating site?

But then they aren't always clear-cut like that. Japanese Friend Finder,for example,some people I think might just be friends[so if so I add boys and girls] but some might be potential girlfriends. A ''lady friend'' sometimes means a girlfriend and sometimes means a female friend. There's a lot of subtext.

[MMM]

Originally Posted by Brass

Good question. I actually assumed any girl that would agree to date me and only see me once or twice a year would also have a local boyfriend.

But then again, I can't really think of a compelling reason why a woman would date me locally either.

If they have a local boyfriend, then what purpose do you serve?

Most of the time people that have long distance relationships started out having a local relationship, but one of them needed to move away.

And I wasn't speaking about you personally, but about people in general. What makes a serious relationship grow into something satisfying is getting to spend time together and know each other.

[Brass]

Originally Posted by MMM

If they have a local boyfriend, then what purpose do you serve?

Most of the time people that have long distance relationships started out having a local relationship, but one of them needed to move away.

And I wasn't speaking about you personally, but about people in general. What makes a serious relationship grow into something satisfying is getting to spend time together and know each other.

What purpose do I serve? Maybe they want to learn better english, maybe they like teaching japanese and sharing culture. When I use to penpal a lot I'd always get asked about current TV shows and current music and things like that. And a lot like telling me about their lives. I don't know, it's not for everybody, but some people like it. And of course their local boyfriend can serve their needs I can't obviously serve like taking her out to dinner or sex.

And you're probably right most long distance relationships do start out like that, but it's not unheard of for people to meet online in other countries and eventually get together.

[spicytuna]

Originally Posted by tokusatsufan

But then they aren't always clear-cut like that. Japanese Friend Finder,for example,some people I think might just be friends[so if so I add boys and girls] but some might be potential girlfriends. A ''lady friend'' sometimes means a girlfriend and sometimes means a female friend. There's a lot of subtext.

I'm not familiar with that site but Japanese Friend Finder sounds like a place where people find Japanese Friends.

Why not skip the obscurity and sign up with a place like match.com?

[spicytuna]

Just thought I'd post my experiences with penpal sites in particular.

I signed up with an online site around 10 years ago for the purposes of finding someone I could practice my Japanese with. Although I had many pen friends at first, that number eventually whittled down to two. One of them was a girl from Shizuoka who came to visit me in Toronto. We spent a week together and at the end of her visit, she asked me I could be her boyfriend if she returned with a working holiday visa. I told her No.

The other penpal was a girl from Tokyo who eventually became a stalker who emailed me several times a day. When I stopped responding, she flew to Toronto and called me from the airport asking me to meet her. I told her No.

Two years ago, I signed up with another site to practice my Japanese with. (Seriously... I'm studying for JLPT1.) After many interactions, I eventually settled with 2 individuals.

One of them was a lady in Osaka who I met late last year. To my surprise, she actually proposed to me while we were at Universal Studios. I told her No.

The other is a pharmacist from Tokyo who is arriving next month to stay with me for a week. We'll see what happens.

[OHayou]

Originally Posted by Brass

But then again, I can't really think of a compelling reason why a woman would date me locally either.

Yeah, you're right here. If you can't think of one then why would you expect a female to think of one! But have hope dear Brass, I hear there are dominatrix type women out there who like puppy dog type guys to dig their stilettos into. lol Just kidding around here but unless you want one of thooooose type of girls..Have some confidence and if you don't have confidence then work out, learn a language, do SOMETHING that you're passionate about that would make you confident and make a girl find you attractive. Now .. If only I could find a girl...:lets cry together:

Originally Posted by spicytuna

she asked me I could be her boyfriend if she returned with a working holiday visa. I told her No.

[snip]
When I stopped responding, she flew to Toronto and called me from the airport asking me to meet her. I told her No.

[snip]

One of them was a lady in Osaka who I met late last year. To my surprise, she actually proposed to me while we were at Universal Studios. I told her No.

The other is a pharmacist from Tokyo who is arriving next month to stay with me for a week. We'll see what happens.

Tell her no!!!!

[samokan]

Originally Posted by spicytuna

Just thought I'd post my experiences with penpal sites in particular.

I signed up with an online site around 10 years ago for the purposes of finding someone I could practice my Japanese with. Although I had many pen friends at first, that number eventually whittled down to two. One of them was a girl from Shizuoka who came to visit me in Toronto. We spent a week together and at the end of her visit, she asked me I could be her boyfriend if she returned with a working holiday visa. I told her No.

The other penpal was a girl from Tokyo who eventually became a stalker who emailed me several times a day. When I stopped responding, she flew to Toronto and called me from the airport asking me to meet her. I told her No.

Two years ago, I signed up with another site to practice my Japanese with. (Seriously... I'm studying for JLPT1.) After many interactions, I eventually settled with 2 individuals.

One of them was a lady in Osaka who I met late last year. To my surprise, she actually proposed to me while we were at Universal Studios. I told her No.

The other is a pharmacist from Tokyo who is arriving next month to stay with me for a week. We'll see what happens.

Wow.. hope it goes well. But you can always say NO

[Brass]

Originally Posted by spicytuna

Just thought I'd post my experiences with penpal sites in particular.

I signed up with an online site around 10 years ago for the purposes of finding someone I could practice my Japanese with. Although I had many pen friends at first, that number eventually whittled down to two. One of them was a girl from Shizuoka who came to visit me in Toronto. We spent a week together and at the end of her visit, she asked me I could be her boyfriend if she returned with a working holiday visa. I told her No.

The other penpal was a girl from Tokyo who eventually became a stalker who emailed me several times a day. When I stopped responding, she flew to Toronto and called me from the airport asking me to meet her. I told her No.

Two years ago, I signed up with another site to practice my Japanese with. (Seriously... I'm studying for JLPT1.) After many interactions, I eventually settled with 2 individuals.

One of them was a lady in Osaka who I met late last year. To my surprise, she actually proposed to me while we were at Universal Studios. I told her No.

The other is a pharmacist from Tokyo who is arriving next month to stay with me for a week. We'll see what happens.

You must be extremely attractive (or rich)? I couldn't imagine that happening to 99% of people.