Does this make sense?

[morgz]

I have to present a japanese speech about myself and Australia (2-3 minutes) except I have no idea if this part of what I have done makes any sense.. your help would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you

konnichiwa. Murakami (Name of school) no gakusei yokurashiimashita. Watashi wa Morgan desu. Kyo, watakushi to oosutoraria no tsuite hanasu. Watashi wa juu go sai demo juu roku gatsu desu. Otanjoobi wa tsuitachi roku gatsu moichiyoobi bi ni oosutoraria fuyu desu. Gakoo ni oosutoraria no fuyu wa ikura ka no fukusoo ni tsuitakoosoku desy. Tokidoki samui demo sukafu (scarf) to gulovsu (gloves) kinakerebanarimasen. Boka no iro kite wa ikimasen. Watashiwa koko ni nensei desu. Nihongo to shkaika gaku to kagaku to kokugo to suugaku to shakyo benkiyosuru. Ichiban sukina kamoku wa nihongo desu ne.

[Gackt21]

Makes since to me. Sentence look like they are in the right word order but ask someone else before using it. I am learning Japanese too and my understanding is still coming.

[Ronin4hire]

What are you trying to say in English?

I think I get what you're trying to say but I'm sure there is an easier way to do it. It looks like you're using a lot of pronouns too which is probably not a good idea....

[MMM]

Originally Posted by morgz

I have to present a japanese speech about myself and Australia (2-3 minutes) except I have no idea if this part of what I have done makes any sense.. your help would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you

konnichiwa. Murakami (Name of school) no gakusei yokurashiimashita. Watashi wa Morgan desu. Kyo, watakushi to oosutoraria no tsuite hanasu. Watashi wa juu go sai demo juu roku gatsu desu. Otanjoobi wa tsuitachi roku gatsu moichiyoobi bi ni oosutoraria fuyu desu. Gakoo ni oosutoraria no fuyu wa ikura ka no fukusoo ni tsuitakoosoku desy. Tokidoki samui demo sukafu (scarf) to gulovsu (gloves) kinakerebanarimasen. Boka no iro kite wa ikimasen. Watashiwa koko ni nensei desu. Nihongo to shkaika gaku to kagaku to kokugo to suugaku to shakyo benkiyosuru. Ichiban sukina kamoku wa nihongo desu ne.

Murakami (Name of school) no gakusei Find out the full name of the school. I am sure it isn't just "Murakami"

yokurashiimashita What does this mean?

Watashi wa Morgan desu Since this is a speech, I would probably say "de gozaimasu" or "to mooshimasu"...a little more polite.

oosutoraria no tsuite hanasu too direct. Say hanashimasu.

Watashi wa juu go sai demo juu roku gatsu desu. This means "I am fifteen but sixteen months"

Otanjoobi wa tsuitachi roku gatsu moichiyoobi bi ni oosutoraria fuyu desu. "My birthday is the first of June -moichiyoobi?- and winter in Australia."

gulovsu Gloves in Japanese is "tebukuro".

Boka no iro kite wa ikimasen. Don't come to my color?!?

Watashiwa koko ni nensei desu. koukou not koko. Big difference. and you don't need the "ni".

Nihongo to shkaika gaku to kagaku to kokugo to suugaku to shakyo benkiyosuru. benkyou shiMASU.

Ichiban sukina kamoku wa nihongo desu ne This is a speech, not a conversation, so drop the "ne".

Better have your teacher look this over before you give it.

[kunitokotachi]

Kyo, watakushi to oosutoraria no tsuite hanasu. - I would say Kyou, watashi wa oosutoraria ni tsuite hanashimasu.

Tokidoki samui demo sukafu (scarf) to gulovsu (gloves) kinakerebanarimasen. - It's sometimes cold but I have to wear a scarf and gloves. This doesn't make sense. I would say: Tokidoki samui desu kara sukafu to tebukuro o kimasu.

yokurashiimashita - I'm guessing you were trying to say yoroshiku onegaishimasu?

Just remember this is a speech so always use -masu or desu.

shkaika gaku - I'm guessing this is suppose to be shakai-gaku, sociology?

[kyo_9]

so, how was the speech?

[morgz]

Hey MMM
Thanks heaps for your help. My speech is supposed to be informal so do you think it would be ok to use plain form example benkiyosuru instead of benkyou shiMASU?
Thankyou so much