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Translating a song. Help? -
04-16-2010, 11:30 AM
I'd like to understand these lyrics a bit better. I'd rather ask this question with a grammatical focus, on a forum with people who know what they're doing, rather than depending on random translations from random people of indeterminate skill.
I have quite a few issues with this text and I thought it'd be best to collect them all here in one thread. I hope you'll forgive my using kana only for the main lyrics. At least it's better than all-romaji, huh?  I'll be posting my own translation where I can wring some sense out of it. However, I'm still very much a newbie. In addition I will for obvious reasons be leaning quite heavily on dictionaries here. I may have misunderstood certain usages and so on. Naturally, I'd like explanations and corrections where they're needed. (So, probably, 90% of the text. )This isn't as much about translating the song as in understanding why it means what it does, so if you can be bothered, please do explain. (The song is "Hologram" ホログラム by NICO Touches the Walls.) まっしろなけしきにいまさそうわれて ぼくはゆくよまだみぬせかいへ Lure/Invite/ me towards a pure white scenery now I'm going to a transparent (I guess, more like "invisible"?) world [Insert cool guitar interlude here. I will also be going one line at a time here, even though the song itself would probably be better translated as a whole.] まいごのままたびしていた *something about a stray child. Other than that I weren't able to pick much meaning out of this. まま has a TON of possible translations. I also have no idea what たびしていた means. "していた" could be a form of "to do", or am I wrong here too? ねずみいろのそらのした Something about a grey sky ( my guess is した refers to beneath the sky. An exaggerated metaphor about a tongue seems less likely, but then again I don't really know, do I. )ひがわりのちず いくつものゆめがにじんでいた The only translation I can find for ひがわり doesn't seem to fit at all, and so I'm kinda blank here. If I'm not very wrong, ちず means map. The rest I can honestly say makes little sense to me. The only word after that, that I recognize is "dream". いつかはさ ちっぽけな ぼくのこのほはばでも Some day (can anybody explain the さ here? What exactly is it?) These small steps of mine (what is the でも doing there?) あのくものむこうまで ゆけるかな (Once again I'm pretty much stuck. I caught "that cloud" or possibly "those clouds" but not very much else.) Thanks in advance, and I'd also like to apologize for any mistakes. Edit: now romaji-reduced. I went over and substituted what little romaji I'd used with kana. 
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04-20-2010, 01:13 PM
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まっしろなけしきにいまさそうわれて ぼくはゆくよまだみぬせかいへ Lure/Invite/ me towards a pure white scenery now I'm going to a transparent (I guess, more like "invisible"?) world "Tempted by the pure-white scenery I'm leaving for the world that I haven't seen" [Insert cool guitar interlude here. I will also be going one line at a time here, even though the song itself would probably be better translated as a whole.] まいごのままたびしていた *something about a stray child. Other than that I weren't able to pick much meaning out of this. まま has a TON of possible translations. I also have no idea what たびしていた means. "していた" could be a form of "to do", or am I wrong here too? "I was traveling as a missing child." Another possibility is "I had been traveling as a missing child." ～のまま means the situation of being ~~ lasted a certain time period without a change. ねずみいろのそらのした Something about a grey sky ( my guess is した refers to beneath the sky. An exaggerated metaphor about a tongue seems less likely, but then again I don't really know, do I. ) You got it. "Beneath the gray sky." ひがわりのちず いくつものゆめがにじんでいた The only translation I can find for ひがわり doesn't seem to fit at all, and so I'm kinda blank here. If I'm not very wrong, ちず means map. The rest I can honestly say makes little sense to me. The only word after that, that I recognize is "dream". You need to study kanji and start gradually replacing all these kana words. It's killing my eyes. In case you aren't 200% comfortable with the two systems of kana yet, don't even practice writing your first kanji. That's like trying to learn English words without having mastered the alphabet. This traveler didn't have a good map to rely on. What he had (saw) was a map that changed everyday. This, of course, doesn't mean a physical map but means a "mental" map. にじむ means "to blot" or "to run", speaking of ink. "On my map of the day, I saw many of my dreams blurred." いつかはさ ちっぽけな ぼくのこのほはばでも Some day (can anybody explain the さ here? What exactly is it?) These small steps of mine (what is the でも doing there?) ～～さ = as for ~~, speaking of ~~. Don't try to include this in the translation. It will screw you. ～～でも = even ~~ "Someday Even with these short steps of mine" あのくものむこうまで ゆけるかな (Once again I'm pretty much stuck. I caught "that cloud" or possibly "those clouds" but not very much else.) "I wonder if I can reach Beyond that cloud"
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04-20-2010, 02:21 PM
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Instead, you make it sound better by making the first phrase "Tempted by . . . ." I'm kind of surprised you didn't know this, since this use of the て form is the first one taught in books.
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04-20-2010, 02:28 PM
Now I'm a little confused again - can it mean both or does it mean one of them?
As I said earlier I'm not really bothered about the "end result" of my translation - the important part is understanding the Japanese lyrics, exactly what they mean, and preferably why. In other words, "literal translation" is fine, even better, than translation into "good" English. I'm not going to use these for anything, it's just an exercise in understanding, so to speak, and I think it'd be useful to get an idea of how direct, literal translation ends up looking in another language.
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