|
|
|
||||
|
||||
|
04-20-2010, 04:03 PM
21) 夏の山道には、いろいろな白い花が咲いて居た。
Along the summer mountain road various white flowers were blooming. Good. ２２）私は書生袴に帽子を被り、汗ばんだ皮膚を感じな がら、それでも右の肩を高く怒らし、独逸学生の青春気 質を表象する、あの浪漫的の豪壮を感じつつ歩いて居た 。 I continued walking along while wearing a pair of student trousers and the hat, and even though it felt like my skin was sweating, I hiked one shoulder up in the manner of a German student’s youthful temperament and felt the romantic grandeur of it. (blegh, this one was awkward. I hope I didn't stray too much) IMO, this is your best translation of a longer sentence so far. I would change the "and felt" part to ", feeling", but who am I to correct an Englishman's English? ２３）懐中には丸善で買つたばかりの、なつかしいハイ ネの詩集が這入つて居た。 In my pocket I had a cherished anthology of Hienrich Heine’s poetry, which I had only just bought in Maruzen. Good. ２４）その詩集は索引の鉛筆で汚されて居り、所々に凋れた草花などが押されて 居た。 There were scribbles done in pencil in the indices, and here and there, dried flowers had been pressed. I took the part 索引の鉛筆で汚されて居り differently, though. I took it to mean that the narrator made the scribbles for the purpose of creating an index (of his own). Had it read 索引が, your translation would have been perfect. ２５）山道の行きつめた崖を曲つた時に、ふと私の前に 歩いて行く、二個の明るいパラソルを見た。 As I came to a bend in the mountain road by the cliff, suddenly there appeared before me a pair of bright parasols, walking along. ( i couldn't figure out 行きつめた so I just aproximated what made the most sense) 行きつめた means "going till the end", so your translation is great. ２６）たしかに姉妹であるところの、美しく若い娘であ つた。 If it transpired to be two sisters, then surely they were young and beautiful girls. Good. Narrator was certain that those were sisters. ２７）私は何の理由もなく、急に足がすくむやうな羞し さと、一人で居るきまりの悪さを感じたので、歩調を早 めながら、わざと彼等の方を見ないやうにし、特別にま た肩を怒らして追ひぬけた。 Without any reason, my legs suddenly cramped with embarrassment. Ashamed of being by myself, I hastened my pace and because I didn’t want to deliberately look in their direction I kept my shoulder angrily shrugged. (This one was a pig. やうに and やうな must be related forms of something, but I couldn't find what.) やうに and やうな ＝ ように and ような. But why suddenly mention this? This piece has been written in the Old Kana System from the beginning. きまつて, といふ、 だつた、 ゐる, etc. "Trying deliberately not to look in their direction, I walked with my shoulders unusually squared and passed them." ２８）どんな私の様子からも、彼等に対して無関心で居 ることを装はうとして、無理な努力から固くなつて居た 。 What aspect of me (???), with regard to them I would pretend to be indifferent, because of the impossible effort, I was stubborn. (It seems like it should be obvious but I couldn't find a decent explaination of からも anywhere. There are too many uses of から for me to even guess, so i've just done what I can with the sentence and left what I'm not sure of.) どんな私の様子からも means "regardless of how (bad) I might have looked". ２９）そのくせ内心では、かうした人気のない山道で、 美しい娘等と道づれになり、一口でも言葉を交せられる ことの悦びを心に感じ、空想の有り得べき幸福の中でも ぢもぢしながら。 Nonetheless, to cross paths with these beautiful girls on a mountain road with no other signs of human life, in my innermost thoughts I felt that to exchange but one word would be rapture; at the same time as being too shy to do anything I was in an almost certainly blessed fantasy. (I found もぢもぢ as like being confronted with something you want but are unable to bring yourself to actually do or say because of nerves or something. Again, I found the structure complicated so I hope I haven't departed too much from it) You did alright. You may have misunderstood 空想の有り得べき幸福の中, though. It means "in the best (biggest) possible imaginary happiness". You captured the nuance of もぢもぢ well. It's a good sign that you noticed the unusual structure. This sentence lacks (or hides) a real verb at its end. It's completely intentional, though. In a more textbook sentence you will see the structure ＡしながらＢをする. The Ｂをする part is hidden here. ３０）私は女等を追ひ越しながら、こんな絶好の場合に 際して機会（チヤンス）を捕へなかつたことの愚を心に 悔いた。 As I passed the girls, in my heart I regretted not capturing such a timely chance in such a perfect situation. Good. "regretted my stupidity in not capturing...." 
|
|
|
||||
|
||||
|
04-20-2010, 06:17 PM
Quote:
I've never seen the old kana system before. I can ~usually~ guess if somethings in the old style (ひ instead of い, lack of a small つ etc), but this one looked just enough like an old fashioned form of a verb that i wasn't sure and I couldn't think what else it might be. So からもis just something like 'regardless'? Is it always like that when following a noun? I understand how it can mean 'also from' eg: けれども彼は腕や脚を動かすことができ、記憶障害から も回復しつつあります。 However, he can still move his arms and legs and is (also) recovering from memory loss. But i'm still not sure how to use it in other contexts. Yeah, seeing just しながら just dropped on the end was a big clue something was unusual! SM−さん、いつもありがとうございました。
|
|
|
||||
|
||||
|
04-20-2010, 07:09 PM
Quote:
Narrator was trying to look cool and indifferent even though it must have been pretty obvious to the ladies that he was acting somewhat strangely. The following is what went through my head: どんな私の様子からも ＝ 私がどんな状態であったと しても ＝ 私がどんな様子に見えたとしても = no matter what situation I might have looked to be in = regardless of how (bad) I might have looked. "From" isn't even so far off because one other way to translate どんな私の様子からも would be "getting judged from all of my possible actions/looks, etc.".
|
|
|
||||
|
||||
|
04-21-2010, 11:13 AM
Quote:
 PART FOUR and we're over half way though. ３１）だが丁度その時、偶然のうまい機会が来た。私が 汗をぬぐはうとして、ハンケチで額の上をふいた時に、 帽子が頭からすべり落ちた。However, just at the right time, unexpectedly there came a promising chance. As I was sweating, just when I reached up to mop my face, the hat slipped and fell from my head. ３２）それは輪のやうに転がつて行つて、すぐ五六歩後 から歩いて来る、女たちの足許に止まつた。The hat went immediately rolling off like a wheel for about five or six paces, coming to a stop right at the girls’ feet. ３３）若い方の娘が、すぐそれを拾つてくれた。The younger sister picked it up at once. ３４）彼女は恥ぢる様子もなく、快活に私の方へ走つて 来た。She, without an ouce of embarrassment, ran cheerfully up to me. ３５）「どうも……どうも、ありがたう。」 私はどぎまぎしながら、やつと口の中で礼を言つた。 “Th-Thank you.” I managed to spit out my gratitude, in a complete fluster. ３６）そして急いで帽子を被り、逃げ出すやうにすたす たと歩き出した。宇宙が真赤に廻転して、どうすれば好 いか解らなかつた。 Hurriedly I put on the hat and as though about to run away, walked briskly off. With the whole world downright wheeling around me, I had no idea if I had done the right thing. (I couldn't tell if the 真赤 here meant as I've put it, or actually something like "With the universe revolving crimson, I had~" Is there a rule of thumb for this difference in meaning, or is it all just down to context?) ３７）ただ足だけが機械的に運動して、むやみに速足で 前へ進んだ。But with just my legs moving like machines, I steamed on ahead at an absurdly fast pace. ３８）だがすぐ後の方から、女の呼びかけてくる声を聞 いた。 「あの、おたづね致しますが……」 However, directly from behind me I heard a female voice calling me. “Excuse me, I have a question…” ３９）それは姉の方の娘であつた。彼女はたしかに、私 よりも一つ二つ年上に見え、怜悧な美しい瞳（め）をし た女であつた。 It was the elder sister. She was certainly a year or two older than I, and had a shrewd and lovely eye to her. ４０）「滝の方へ行くのは、この道で好いのでせうか？ 」 さう言つて慣れ慣れしく微笑した。 “If one were to be heading for the waterfall, would this be the right path?” and so saying she gave a practised smile.
|
|
|
||||
|
||||
|
04-21-2010, 11:55 AM
３１）だが丁度その時、偶然のうまい機会が来た。私が 汗をぬぐはうとして、ハンケチで額の上をふいた時に、 帽子が頭からすべり落ちた。However, just at the right time, unexpectedly there came a promising chance. As I was sweating, just when I reached up to mop my face, the hat slipped and fell from my head.
Nicely done. ３２）それは輪のやうに転がつて行つて、すぐ五六歩後 から歩いて来る、女たちの足許に止まつた。The hat went immediately rolling off like a wheel for about five or six paces, coming to a stop right at the girls’ feet. Not that it makes much difference, I just want to say that the original's structure after the first comma isn't reflected in the translation. The way you did it may have been intentional, therefore, no problem. It says "it stopped at the girls' feet who were walking just five or six steps behind." ３３）若い方の娘が、すぐそれを拾つてくれた。The younger sister picked it up at once. Good. ３４）彼女は恥ぢる様子もなく、快活に私の方へ走つて 来た。She, without an ouce of embarrassment, ran cheerfully up to me. Good. ３５）「どうも……どうも、ありがたう。」 私はどぎまぎしながら、やつと口の中で礼を言つた。 “Th-Thank you.” I managed to spit out my gratitude, in a complete fluster. Good. ３６）そして急いで帽子を被り、逃げ出すやうにすたす たと歩き出した。宇宙が真赤に廻転して、どうすれば好 いか解らなかつた。 Hurriedly I put on the hat and as though about to run away, walked briskly off. With the whole world downright wheeling around me, I had no idea if I had done the right thing. (I couldn't tell if the 真赤 here meant as I've put it, or actually something like "With the universe revolving crimson, I had~" Is there a rule of thumb for this difference in meaning, or is it all just down to context?) 真赤に modifies 廻転して, so your "With the universe revolving crimson" is good. The phrases expresses the narrator's great confusion, embarrassment and most of all, panic. 宇宙が真赤に廻転する is in no way a common phrase but it certainly captures the speaker's mental state of the moment. どうすれば好いか解らなかつた means "I didn't know what to do" rather than how you translated it. ３７）ただ足だけが機械的に運動して、むやみに速足で 前へ進んだ。But with just my legs moving like machines, I steamed on ahead at an absurdly fast pace. Nice. ３８）だがすぐ後の方から、女の呼びかけてくる声を聞 いた。 「あの、おたづね致しますが……」 However, directly from behind me I heard a female voice calling me. “Excuse me, I have a question…” Good. ３９）それは姉の方の娘であつた。彼女はたしかに、私 よりも一つ二つ年上に見え、怜悧な美しい瞳（め）をし た女であつた。 It was the elder sister. She was certainly a year or two older than I, and had a shrewd and lovely eye to her. Great. ４０）「滝の方へ行くのは、この道で好いのでせうか？ 」 さう言つて慣れ慣れしく微笑した。 “If one were to be heading for the waterfall, would this be the right path?” and so saying she gave a practised smile. Couldn't have done it better myself.
|
|
|
||||
|
||||
|
04-21-2010, 12:04 PM
Quote:
Quote:
ありがとうございました！
|
|
|
||||
|
||||
|
04-23-2010, 11:43 AM
Part Five:
４１）「はあ！」 私は窮屈に四角ばつて、兵隊のやうな返事をした。 “Yes!” Tensing squarely, I answered as though I were a soldier. ４２）女は暫らく、じつと私の顔を眺めてゐたが、やが て世慣れた調子で話しかけた。 For a moment she fixedly scrutinized my face but before long spoke to me again in that accustomed manner. ４３）「失礼ですが、あなた一高のお方ですね？」 私は一寸返事に困つた。 “Please excuse me for asking, but you’re a student of Tokyo University, aren’t you?” I was stumped for an answer. ４４）「いいえ」といふ否定の言葉が、直ちに瞬間に口 に浮んだ。けれども次の瞬間には、帽子のことが頭に浮 んで、どきりと冷汗を流してしまつた。 The words to deny it, to say ‘no’, at once leapt to my tongue. Yet a second later I remembered the hat I was wearing and I broke out into shock and a cold sweat. ４５）私は考へる余裕もなく、混乱して曖昧の返事をし た。 Without time to think, I gave a confused, vague answer. ４６）「はあ！」 「すると貴方は……」 女は浴せかけるやうに質問した。 “Yes!” “Then you are….” She asked as though ４７）「秋元子爵の御子息ですね。私はよく知つて居ま すわ。」 “You’re Count Akimoto’s son are you not? I know your family well.” ４８）私は今度こそ大きな声で、はつきりと返事をした 。 「いいえ。ちがひます。」 This time in a loud voice I answered plainly. “No. I’m not.” ４９）けれども女は、尚疑ひ深さうに私を見つめた。或 る理由の知れないはにかみと、不安な懸念とにせき立て られて、私は女づれを後に残し、速足でずんずんと先に 行つてしまつた。Despite this, she still looked at me with deep doubt. Urged on by anxious fear and a certain reason’s unknown signs of embarrassment, at a quick march I went on ahead, leaving the girls behind me. (Can you explain づれ at all? I got a bit confused with it) ５０）私がホテルに帰つた時、偶然にもその娘等が、隣 室の客であることを発見した。 When I returned to the hotel I discovered that by some fate the girls were guests in the room next to mine.
|
|
|
||||
|
||||
|
04-23-2010, 01:33 PM
４１）「はあ！」
私は窮屈に四角ばつて、兵隊のやうな返事をした。 “Yes!” Tensing squarely, I answered as though I were a soldier. Good. ４２）女は暫らく、じつと私の顔を眺めてゐたが、やが て世慣れた調子で話しかけた。 For a moment she fixedly scrutinized my face but before long spoke to me again in that accustomed manner. Good. ４３）「失礼ですが、あなた一高のお方ですね？」 私は一寸返事に困つた。 “Please excuse me for asking, but you’re a student of Tokyo University, aren’t you?” I was stumped for an answer. Good. ４４）「いいえ」といふ否定の言葉が、直ちに瞬間に口 に浮んだ。けれども次の瞬間には、帽子のことが頭に浮 んで、どきりと冷汗を流してしまつた。 The words to deny it, to say ‘no’, at once leapt to my tongue. Yet a second later I remembered the hat I was wearing and I broke out into shock and a cold sweat. Nice. ４５）私は考へる余裕もなく、混乱して曖昧の返事をし た。 Without time to think, I gave a confused, vague answer. Though "time" looks okay, more native speakers would take this 余裕 to mean "inner reserves". ４６）「はあ！」 「すると貴方は……」 女は浴せかけるやうに質問した。 “Yes!” “Then you are….” She asked as though 浴せかける means "to shoot (questions) at someone", "bombard questions", etc. ４７）「秋元子爵の御子息ですね。私はよく知つて居ま すわ。」 “You’re Count Akimoto’s son are you not? I know your family well.” Good. ４８）私は今度こそ大きな声で、はつきりと返事をした 。 「いいえ。ちがひます。」 This time in a loud voice I answered plainly. “No. I’m not.” Good. ４９）けれども女は、尚疑ひ深さうに私を見つめた。或 る理由の知れないはにかみと、不安な懸念とにせき立て られて、私は女づれを後に残し、速足でずんずんと先に 行つてしまつた。Despite this, she still looked at me with deep doubt. Urged on by anxious fear and a certain reason’s unknown signs of embarrassment, at a quick march I went on ahead, leaving the girls behind me. (Can you explain づれ at all? I got a bit confused with it) "a certain reason's unknown signs of embarrassment"? If this sounds good to you, I'm cool. My non-native translation was "a bout of inexplicable shyness" but I don't know how it sounds in an English ear. づれ ＜ つれ ＝ 連れ= company. 女づれ = female company. ５０）私がホテルに帰つた時、偶然にもその娘等が、隣 室の客であることを発見した。 When I returned to the hotel I discovered that by some fate the girls were guests in the room next to mine.[/quote] Good. It's getting exciting. 
|
|
|
||||
|
||||
|
04-23-2010, 02:34 PM
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
|
 |
| Thread Tools | |
|
|
