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Reading a Japanese story~ -
04-17-2010, 11:07 AM
I'm doing a translation for kicks and 練習. Much obliged if someone could have a quick look over it as I go along and offer feedback. I also have a few questions about some of the language.
夏帽子 萩原朔太郎 Straw Hat by Hagiwara Sakutarou 1) 青年の時は、だれでもつまらないことに熱情をもつもの だ。 When I was a young man, everyone was getting worked up over nothing. ２) その頃、地方の或る高等学校に居た私は、毎年初夏の季 節になると、きまつて一つの熱情にとりつかれた。 At that time in my life, every year as the season changed to early summer, I would unfailingly take on a single passion from a certain high school in the area. (I'm a little uncertain of this one. I couldn't find とりつかれた and have just inferred that it means to pick up or take on, or be inspired to.) ３)それは何でもないつまらぬことで、或る私の好きな� �帽子を、被つてみたいといふ願ひである。 It was a harmless, trivial thing; I had a longing to try wearing a certain hat that I liked. ４)その好きな帽子といふのはパナマ帽でもなくタスカ� �でもなく、あの海老茶色のリボンを巻いた、一高の夏� �子だつたのだ。 That hat that I liked wasn't a Panama hat and it wasn't a Tuscany hat, it was the summer hat of an elite school; the kind with a shrimp brown ribbon tied around it. ５)どうしてそんなにまで、あの学生帽子が好きだつた� �か、自分ながらよく解らない。 As to why I liked that student hat, even I can't really explain it. ６)多分私は、その頃愛読した森鴎外氏の『青年』や、� �目漱石氏の学生小説などから一高の学生たちを聯想し� �それが初夏の青葉の中で、上野の森などを散歩してゐ� �、彼等の夏帽子を表象させ、聯想心理に結合した為で� �らう。 Probably, because around that time I read for pleasure things like Mori Ogai's "Youth" and Natsume Souseki's student novels, and because of the association with the most elite students, who walked in Ueno woods amongst the early summer greenery, the hats became an emblem to me, the result of the combination of associations in my mind. (phew, long sentence. Minor confusions over 一高 if it's referring to the high school in the area, or just meaning 'best' or both as a sort of play on words. I read ゐる as いる. 聯想心理に結合した為であらう rather puzzled me.) ７) とにかく私は、あの海老茶色のリボンを考へ、その書生 帽子を思ふだけでも、ふしぎになつかしい独逸の戯曲、 アルト・ハイデルベルヒを聯想して、夏の青葉にそよい でくる海の郷愁を感じたりした。 Anyway, I thought about that shrimp brown ribbon, I could think of nothing but that school hat and mysteriously associated it with german dramas and Alt Heidelburg, and a feeling came from the summer greenery like a sea of nostalgia. (very rough translation. だけでも is new to me, as is ふしぎに which I guessed at as "mysteriously". Alt Heidelburg is an operetta about students, FYI. I have no clue about そよいでくる. くる I assumed was 来る, but I couldn't find any similar examples of this phrase.) ８) その頃私の居た地方の高等学校では、真紅色のリボンに 二本の白線を入れた帽子を、一高に準じて制定して居た 。 At that time the high school in my area enacted, in proportion to the elite schools, a hat with a crimson ribbon with two white lines running through it. (again some confusion. Can someone explain 一高に準じて制定して居た for me?) 9)私はそれが厭だつたので、白線の上に赤インキを塗り� ��けたり、真紅色の上に紫絵具をこすつたりして、無理� ��一高の帽子に紛らして居た。 Because I disliked it, I used to paint over the white lines with red ink and go over the red with purple paint- (and I just can't get the end of this one. 無理に is like to force something; is 紛らして to "be mistake for" "to force it to be mistaken for an elite school hat"?) 10) だがたうとう、熱情が押へがたくなつて来たので、或夏 の休暇に上京して、本郷の帽子屋から、一高の制定帽子 を買つてしまつた。 However,(because of...the unrelenting push of my fervor?) one day off in the summer I went to the capital and in a hat shop in Hongou I regret to say I bought an elite student hat. TBC! 
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04-17-2010, 03:14 PM
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萩原朔太郎 Straw Hat Any reason for using "straw" here? by Hagiwara Sakutarou 1) 青年の時は、だれでもつまらないことに熱情をもつもの だ。 When I was a young man, everyone was getting worked up over nothing. "Everyone, when he is a young man, ~~~." ２) その頃、地方の或る高等学校に居た私は、毎年初夏の季 節になると、きまつて一つの熱情にとりつかれた。 At that time in my life, every year as the season changed to early summer, I would unfailingly take on a single passion from a certain high school in the area. (I'm a little uncertain of this one. I couldn't find とりつかれた and have just inferred that it means to pick up or take on, or be inspired to.) とりつかれた = "to be possessed (by)" in the past tense. 地方 = an area away from Tokyo. 高等学校, in the author's days, meant "university". Seems you misunderstood the structure. "Back in those days, I, who was attending a certain university (far) away from Tokyo, would unfailingly get possessed by a single passion every early summer." ３)それは何でもないつまらぬことで、或る私の好きな� �帽子を、被つてみたいといふ願ひである。 It was a harmless, trivial thing; I had a longing to try wearing a certain hat that I liked. Good. "summer hat". ４)その好きな帽子といふのはパナマ帽でもなくタスカ� �でもなく、あの海老茶色のリボンを巻いた、一高の夏� �子だつたのだ。 That hat that I liked wasn't a Panama hat and it wasn't a Tuscany hat, it was the summer hat of an elite school; the kind with a shrimp brown ribbon tied around it. Okay if "shrimp brown" makes sense in English.  "maroon" or "reddish brown" would be the conventional translation.More importantly, 一高 is the old nick for the University of Tokyo. ５)どうしてそんなにまで、あの学生帽子が好きだつた� �か、自分ながらよく解らない。 As to why I liked that student hat, even I can't really explain it. Good. Perhaps "so much" or "that much" after "hat"? ６)多分私は、その頃愛読した森鴎外氏の『青年』や、� �目漱石氏の学生小説などから一高の学生たちを聯想し� �それが初夏の青葉の中で、上野の森などを散歩してゐ� �、彼等の夏帽子を表象させ、聯想心理に結合した為で� �らう。 Probably, because around that time I read for pleasure things like Mori Ogai's "Youth" and Natsume Souseki's student novels, and because of the association with the most elite students, who walked in Ueno woods amongst the early summer greenery, the hats became an emblem to me, the result of the combination of associations in my mind. (phew, long sentence. Minor confusions over 一高 if it's referring to the high school in the area, or just meaning 'best' or both as a sort of play on words. I read ゐる as いる. 聯想心理に結合した為であらう rather puzzled me.) 一高 means what I stated above. Looks like the structure really got you this time. It would anyone, wouldn't it?. It isn't the U of T students who were amongst the early summer greenery. It is the narrator. My own translation makes me nauseous, but this is the best I could do after a few pints. You should at least get the structure and idea. "It was probably because from reading books such as A and B, I associated them with the U of T students, and that in turn, being amongst the early summer greenery, lead me to imagine their summer hats as they walked the woods of Ueno and all of these (images) got united into my psychology of association." ７) とにかく私は、あの海老茶色のリボンを考へ、その書生 帽子を思ふだけでも、ふしぎになつかしい独逸の戯曲、 アルト・ハイデルベルヒを聯想して、夏の青葉にそよい でくる海の郷愁を感じたりした。 Anyway, I thought about that shrimp brown ribbon, I could think of nothing but that school hat and mysteriously associated it with german dramas and Alt Heidelburg, and a feeling came from the summer greenery like a sea of nostalgia. (very rough translation. だけでも is new to me, as is ふしぎに which I guessed at as "mysteriously". Alt Heidelburg is an operetta about students, FYI. I have no clue about そよいでくる. くる I assumed was 来る, but I couldn't find any similar examples of this phrase.) ＡＡＡだけでもＢＢＢ（である） = It only takes AAA to achieve BBB. You've got ふしぎに correctly. そよいでくる = to rustle or sway "Anyway, I only had to think of the reddish brown ribbon and the student hat, and I mysteriously associated it with the German play Alt Heidelburg and I was able to feel the nostalgia of the sea rustling through the summer greenery." Crappy Tokyo English, ain't it, bloke? ８) その頃私の居た地方の高等学校では、真紅色のリボンに 二本の白線を入れた帽子を、一高に準じて制定して居た 。 At that time the high school in my area enacted, in proportion to the elite schools, a hat with a crimson ribbon with two white lines running through it. (again some confusion. Can someone explain 一高に準じて制定して居た for me?) Uni, not HS. 一高に準じて制定して居た means "(the hat) was made official following the U of T" You weren't allowed to use the same design as UT. 9)私はそれが厭だつたので、白線の上に赤インキを塗り� ��けたり、真紅色の上に紫絵具をこすつたりして、無理� ��一高の帽子に紛らして居た。 Because I disliked it, I used to paint over the white lines with red ink and go over the red with purple paint- (and I just can't get the end of this one. 無理に is like to force something; is 紛らして to "be mistake for" "to force it to be mistaken for an elite school hat"?) 無理に here means "by force" or "artificially". 紛らして means conceiling the true identity (so that you look like you go to UT). 10) だがたうとう、熱情が押へがたくなつて来たので、或夏 の休暇に上京して、本郷の帽子屋から、一高の制定帽子 を買つてしまつた。 However,(because of...the unrelenting push of my fervor?) one day off in the summer I went to the capital and in a hat shop in Hongou I regret to say I bought an elite student hat. Excellent! Quote:
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04-17-2010, 03:43 PM
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Thanks for all your help SM-san.
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04-17-2010, 03:53 PM
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When I hear "summer hat" I immediately think of a girl with a white straw hat with a bow and in a sun dress. If I had to think of a man wearing a "summer hat," I think I'd think of a straw fedora/trilby.
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04-17-2010, 03:57 PM
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I was thinking like 300 pages when I said "Tell me this is a bad joke."  _________ The school summer hats are seldom made of straw here. They are made of lighter materials with more breathability than the winter hats.
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04-17-2010, 05:02 PM
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I'm guessing it's something along the line of a boater with a rounded head to it. Quote:
I'm not surprised; real straw hats are so expensive. I recently bought a very cheap panama and even that wasn't exactly chump change. This particular summer hat is definitely made of straw though. There's a bit at the end which reads 麦藁のべりべりと裂ける音が~
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04-18-2010, 11:50 AM
ok, next part. I'm a little happier with this section.
１１）しかしそれを買つた後では、つまらない悔恨にく やまされた。 However, as soon as I bought it, I felt a dull remorse for my regrettable miss-step. (the latter half is a bit clunky...) １２）そんなものを買つたところで、実際の一高生徒で もない自分が、まさか気恥しく、被つて歩くわけにも行 かなかつたから。 At the place where I bought it, although there were no actual Tokyo University students around, I was naturally quite embarrassed so I couldn’t just put the thing on and go walking about. １３）私は人の居ないところで、どこか内証に帽子を被 り、鴎外博士の『青年』やハイデルベルヒを聯想しつつ 、自分がその主人公である如く、空想裡の悦楽に耽りた いと考へた。 In any deserted place I would secretly wear the hat, and associating still with Doctor Ogai’s “Youth” and Heidelburg and so forth, I would pretend to be the protagonist and indulge myself in pleasurable daydreams. １４）その強い欲情は、どうしても押へることができな かつた。No matter what, I couldn’t resist that powerful craving. １５）そこで、或夏、七月の休暇になると同時に、ひそ かに帽子を行李に入れて、日光の山奥にある中禅寺の避 暑地へ行つた。Accordingly, one summer, coinciding with the July holiday, I surreptitiously packed the hat into my portmanteau and went to a summer resort; a zen temple in the sunny recesses of the mountains. １６）もちろん宿屋は、湖畔のレーキホテルを選定した 。それは私の空想裡に住む人物としても、当然選定さる べきの旅館であつた。 Of course, the inn I selected was a traditional lake-side hotel. That is, my protagonist who lived in the daydream presumed it, so as a matter of course it was the only hotel to select. (I know he's saying something like the kind of hotel he picked was one that fitted his idea of this elite student, but i'm not sure if the last part is as written or that he couldn't therefore pick a traditional ryoukan- it had to be this 'modern' lake hotel) １７）或日私は、附近の小さな滝を見ようとして、一人 で夏の山道を登つて行つた。One day, thinking that I would try and see a small waterfall in the neighborhood, alone I climbed a summer mountain road. １８）七月初旬の日光は、青葉の葉影で明るくきらきら と輝やいて居た。 The early July sunlight shone glittering and sparkling amongst the shadows of the fresh leaves. １９）私は宿を出る時から、思ひ切つて行李の中の帽子 を被つて居た。 Since leaving the inn, I had been wearing the hat I was so obsessed with from inside the portmanteau. (思ひ切つて I found awkward. I understand 思い切る as desperate or drastic and i've seen it as 'to get up courage', but none of that makes perfect sense in english so i've put it as above.) ２０）こんな寂しい山道では、もちろんだれも見る人が なく、気恥しい思ひなしに、勝手な空想に耽れると思つ たからだ。On this sort of lonely mountain road, there was of course no one to be seen and so as I wasn't feeling embarrassed I became absorbed in my egotistical daydream.
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04-18-2010, 12:59 PM
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However, as soon as I bought it, I felt a dull remorse for my regrettable miss-step. (the latter half is a bit clunky...) You got the idea: That's for sure. The original uses the passive voice "くやまされた", but I don't think you can do the same in English. Maybe something like "I repented my absurd misstep"? １２）そんなものを買つたところで、実際の一高生徒で もない自分が、まさか気恥しく、被つて歩くわけにも行 かなかつたから。 At the place where I bought it, although there were no actual Tokyo University students around, I was naturally quite embarrassed so I couldn’t just put the thing on and go walking about. This ところ doesn't mean "place". ～～したところで means "even if I did ~~" This mistake costed you the rest of the sentence. "(I regreted it) because even if I bought it, there was no reason that I, who wasn't an actual U of T student, could go walking around wearing it in great embarrassment " １３）私は人の居ないところで、どこか内証に帽子を被 り、鴎外博士の『青年』やハイデルベルヒを聯想しつつ 、自分がその主人公である如く、空想裡の悦楽に耽りた いと考へた。 In any deserted place I would secretly wear the hat, and associating still with Doctor Ogai’s “Youth” and Heidelburg and so forth, I would pretend to be the protagonist and indulge myself in pleasurable daydreams. Good. This is what he thought of doing instead of wearing the hat on the streets. １４）その強い欲情は、どうしても押へることができな かつた。No matter what, I couldn’t resist that powerful craving. Nice. １５）そこで、或夏、七月の休暇になると同時に、ひそ かに帽子を行李に入れて、日光の山奥にある中禅寺の避 暑地へ行つた。Accordingly, one summer, coinciding with the July holiday, I surreptitiously packed the hat into my portmanteau and went to a summer resort; a zen temple in the sunny recesses of the mountains. Couple of vocab issues. Disregard the second portion if you intentionally avoided using the proper nouns in your translation. "as soon as the July holiday started" "the summer resort around the Chuuzenji Temple in the deep mountains of Nikko." １６）もちろん宿屋は、湖畔のレーキホテルを選定した 。それは私の空想裡に住む人物としても、当然選定さる べきの旅館であつた。 Of course, the inn I selected was a traditional lake-side hotel. That is, my protagonist who lived in the daydream presumed it, so as a matter of course it was the only hotel to select. (I know he's saying something like the kind of hotel he picked was one that fitted his idea of this elite student, but i'm not sure if the last part is as written or that he couldn't therefore pick a traditional ryoukan- it had to be this 'modern' lake hotel) 旅館 includes hotels. Author used 旅館 because he had already used 宿屋 up front. He didn't choose between ryokan and hotel. He just selected the Lake Hotel because it fits his image best.. レーキホテル is a proper noun. Doesn't mean "a lale-side hotel". １７）或日私は、附近の小さな滝を見ようとして、一人 で夏の山道を登つて行つた。One day, thinking that I would try and see a small waterfall in the neighborhood, alone I climbed a summer mountain road. Good. １８）七月初旬の日光は、青葉の葉影で明るくきらきら と輝やいて居た。 The early July sunlight shone glittering and sparkling amongst the shadows of the fresh leaves. Again, 日光 = Nikko. １９）私は宿を出る時から、思ひ切つて行李の中の帽子 を被つて居た。 Since leaving the inn, I had been wearing the hat I was so obsessed with from inside the portmanteau. (思ひ切つて I found awkward. I understand 思い切る as desperate or drastic and i've seen it as 'to get up courage', but none of that makes perfect sense in english so i've put it as above.) Author used 思ひ切つて because wearing that hat is like lying to the whole world. The action was "drastic" in this sense. ２０）こんな寂しい山道では、もちろんだれも見る人が なく、気恥しい思ひなしに、勝手な空想に耽れると思つ たからだ。On this sort of lonely mountain road, there was of course no one to be seen and so as I wasn't feeling embarrassed I became absorbed in my egotistical daydream.[/quote] Yes. He was able to leave the hotel wearing the hat because of what's said here. I'm making a point here as this is the second time in this post that you have seemed to not include から in your translation.
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04-18-2010, 02:36 PM
Thank you Sashimister. That's a slight improvement! I completely didn't think to check for place names though. I ran it through a couple of kanji readers to check what I thought they meant, and they came up with literal kanji readings. They must not pick up proper nouns. I have no idea why I missed から out. Twice too; how embarrassing...
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04-20-2010, 02:39 PM
Part Three
21) 夏の山道には、いろいろな白い花が咲いて居た。 Along the summer mountain road various white flowers were blooming. ２２）私は書生袴に帽子を被り、汗ばんだ皮膚を感じな がら、それでも右の肩を高く怒らし、独逸学生の青春気 質を表象する、あの浪漫的の豪壮を感じつつ歩いて居た 。 I continued walking along while wearing a pair of student trousers and the hat, and even though it felt like my skin was sweating, I hiked one shoulder up in the manner of a German student’s youthful temperament and felt the romantic grandeur of it. (blegh, this one was awkward. I hope I didn't stray too much) ２３）懐中には丸善で買つたばかりの、なつかしいハイ ネの詩集が這入つて居た。 In my pocket I had a cherished anthology of Hienrich Heine’s poetry, which I had only just bought in Maruzen. ２４）その詩集は索引の鉛筆で汚されて居り、所々に凋 れた草花などが押されて居た。 There were scribbles done in pencil in the indices, and here and there, dried flowers had been pressed. ２５）山道の行きつめた崖を曲つた時に、ふと私の前に 歩いて行く、二個の明るいパラソルを見た。 As I came to a bend in the mountain road by the cliff, suddenly there appeared before me a pair of bright parasols, walking along. ( i couldn't figure out 行きつめた so I just aproximated what made the most sense) ２６）たしかに姉妹であるところの、美しく若い娘であ つた。 If it transpired to be two sisters, then surely they were young and beautiful girls. ２７）私は何の理由もなく、急に足がすくむやうな羞し さと、一人で居るきまりの悪さを感じたので、歩調を早 めながら、わざと彼等の方を見ないやうにし、特別にま た肩を怒らして追ひぬけた。 Without any reason, my legs suddenly cramped with embarrassment. Ashamed of being by myself, I hastened my pace and because I didn’t want to deliberately look in their direction I kept my shoulder angrily shrugged. (This one was a pig. やうに and やうな must be related forms of something, but I couldn't find what.) ２８）どんな私の様子からも、彼等に対して無関心で居 ることを装はうとして、無理な努力から固くなつて居た 。 What aspect of me (???), with regard to them I would pretend to be indifferent, because of the impossible effort, I was stubborn. (It seems like it should be obvious but I couldn't find a decent explaination of からも anywhere. There are too many uses of から for me to even guess, so i've just done what I can with the sentence and left what I'm not sure of.) ２９）そのくせ内心では、かうした人気のない山道で、 美しい娘等と道づれになり、一口でも言葉を交せられる ことの悦びを心に感じ、空想の有り得べき幸福の中でも ぢもぢしながら。 Nonetheless, to cross paths with these beautiful girls on a mountain road with no other signs of human life, in my innermost thoughts I felt that to exchange but one word would be rapture; at the same time as being too shy to do anything I was in an almost certainly blessed fantasy. (I found もぢもぢ as like being confronted with something you want but are unable to bring yourself to actually do or say because of nerves or something. Again, I found the structure complicated so I hope I haven't departed too much from it) ３０）私は女等を追ひ越しながら、こんな絶好の場合に 際して機会（チヤンス）を捕へなかつたことの愚を心に 悔いた。 As I passed the girls, in my heart I regretted not capturing such a timely chance in such a perfect situation.
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