Essay due monday HALP

[Dogburp]

Hello fellow Japanese-language enthusiasts! I got an essay due Monday and it would be great if it got a bit better by then. The subject is "Imagine yourself as a Japanese teacher." needs to be > 350字

どもfor checking it out!

私は日本語教師です。
私はロッテルダムの大学生向けの経済学部で日本語教師 をしています。私の生徒は将来、外国貿易に従事してい ます。間もなく彼らは卒業します。毎日日本語を教える のはすごく楽しい。生徒の中で天然ボケは一人でもいま せん。それは良かったけど、最近デジタル黒板や学生は 授業中ノートブックを使うことが増えました。あの新し い黒板は全然便利じゃないだと思います。その新しい黒 板はホワイトボードよりすぐ壊れます。その以上に最近 の大学生は、授業中に携帯やノートブックでメールして いるらしい。私は朝で授業の準備のために六時に起きま したのに。その失礼な態度に我慢できない。 でも、ね、今は若者の時代。あのバカバカしい黒板は何 とか慣れます。彼の試験を採点する前に、彼の失礼な態 度を考慮に入れなくてはならない。ニヤニヤ~ 日本語教師はやっぱり良い仕事なんだ。

難しい言葉：
従事：(n,vs) (See 携わる) engaging; pursuing; following (e.g. profession or occupation);
携わる 【たずさわる】 (v5r,vi) (See 従事) to engage in; to participate; to take part; (P)
考慮 【こうりょ】 (n,vs) consideration; taking into account; (P); ED


so far I got the following questions:
I used 生徒 to say my pupils or students, should this be 生徒達 instead?

in the sentence それは良かったけど、最近デジタル黒板や学生は授業中 ノートブックを使うことが増えました。 This needs to be rewritten as well I think, I'd like to covey that both the digital blackboard and the students that fiddle with their laptops during class are becoming more and more "regular".

in 全然便利じゃないだと思います。 should I remove the だbeforeと思います？

[Dogburp]

it actually has to be about problems you encounter as a teacher. I forgot to mention this :P

[KyleGoetz]

Originally Posted by Dogburp

in the sentence それは良かったけど、最近デジタル黒板や学生は授業中 ノートブックを使うことが増えました。 This needs to be rewritten as well I think, I'd like to covey that both the digital blackboard and the students that fiddle with their laptops during class are becoming more and more "regular".

Your sentence basically says "That is good, but recently, as for Digital Blackboard, students[, and other things], the use of in-class notebooks expanded."

I see that you're trying to create a clause out of "学生は授業中ノートブックを使う" but aren't doing it right. You should make the predicate a modifier for the subject.

Take this as an example: "Oil paintings that my girlfriend painted have become popular." This would be rendered effectively as 彼女の描いた油絵は人気になってきた。 Actually, I'm guessing you're at a level where you would not have learned to use の at the beginning, but が instead. But の sounds better. But if you haven't learned it yet, you shouldn't use it.

Now reconsider your sentence structure there!

in 全然便利じゃないだと思います。 should I remove the だbeforeと思います？

Yes. Absolutely. Why did you put it in the first place?

[masaegu]

Originally Posted by Dogburp

どもfor checking it out!

私は日本語教師です。
私はロッテルダムの大学生向けの経済学部で日本語教師 をしています。私の生徒は将来、外国貿易に従事してい ます。間もなく彼らは卒業します。毎日日本語を教える のはすごく楽しい。生徒の中で天然ボケは一人でもいま せん。それは良かったけど、最近デジタル黒板や学生は 授業中ノートブックを使うことが増えました。あの新し い黒板は全然便利じゃないだと思います。その新しい黒 板はホワイトボードよりすぐ壊れます。その以上に最近 の大学生は、授業中に携帯やノートブックでメールして いるらしい。私は朝で授業の準備のために六時に起きま したのに。その失礼な態度に我慢できない。 でも、ね、今は若者の時代。あのバカバカしい黒板は何 とか慣れます。彼の試験を採点する前に、彼の失礼な態 度を考慮に入れなくてはならない。ニヤニヤ~ 日本語教師はやっぱり良い仕事なんだ。

「ども」 Try and see if you can find this in the dictionary.

「大学生向けの経済学部」 sounds plain strange. I, a Japanese-speaker, do not even know what it means.

「私の生徒は将来、外国貿易に従事してい ます。」 Tense?

「天然ボケは一人でもいま せん」　Drop one kana.

「それは良かったけど」　No idea what this would mean.

「最近デジタル黒板や学生は 授業中ノートブックを使うことが増えました」 Messed-up grammar.

「～～よりすぐ壊れます」　Grammar?

「その以上」　There is no such phrase. Change one kana.

「朝で授業の準備」　　Why 「で」?

「起きま したのに」 Why use an upper-middle-class lady's colloquial speech here?

「でも、ね、」, 「ニヤニヤ~」 　Why go colloquial all of a sudden?

[KyleGoetz]

Originally Posted by masaegu

「起きま したのに」 Why use an upper-middle-class lady's colloquial speech here?

I really enjoyed this particular criticism

[Dogburp]

Originally Posted by masaegu

「ども」 Try and see if you can find this in the dictionary.

「大学生向けの経済学部」 sounds plain strange. I, a Japanese-speaker, do not even know what it means.

「私の生徒は将来、外国貿易に従事してい ます。」 Tense?

「天然ボケは一人でもいま せん」　Drop one kana.

「それは良かったけど」　No idea what this would mean.

「最近デジタル黒板や学生は 授業中ノートブックを使うことが増えました」 Messed-up grammar.

「～～よりすぐ壊れます」　Grammar?

「その以上」　There is no such phrase. Change one kana.

「朝で授業の準備」　　Why 「で」?

「起きま したのに」 Why use an upper-middle-class lady's colloquial speech here?

「でも、ね、」, 「ニヤニヤ~」 　Why go colloquial all of a sudden?

どうも for your reply!
私の生徒は将来、外国貿易業に従事します。I don't know if it's still wrong. I'm not good with this. It know it's not the same but to me it is like changing
In (the/their) future my students want to play tennis.
In the future my students want to be playing tennis. or something. I don't know why it is wrong.

天然ボケは一人もいません

「それは良かったけど」

　would mean "that's ok, but"

「朝で授業の準備」　　Why 「で」?

(wrong) literal translation.

「起きましたのに」 Why use an upper-middle-class lady's colloquial speech here?

「大学生向けの経済学部」 sounds plain strange. I, a Japanese-speaker, do not even know what it means.

intended for college students at an economics department... of some university.

I'll try implementing the fixes soon(tm)

[Dogburp]

Originally Posted by KyleGoetz

Your sentence basically says "That is good, but recently, as for Digital Blackboard, students[, and other things], the use of in-class notebooks expanded."

I see that you're trying to create a clause out of "学生は授業中ノートブックを使う" but aren't doing it right. You should make the predicate a modifier for the subject.

Take this as an example: "Oil paintings that my girlfriend painted have become popular." This would be rendered effectively as 彼女の描いた油絵は人気になってきた。 Actually, I'm guessing you're at a level where you would not have learned to use の at the beginning, but が instead. But の sounds better. But if you haven't learned it yet, you shouldn't use it.

Now reconsider your sentence structure there!


Yes. Absolutely. Why did you put it in the first place?

Thank you so much for your reply. The reason I put in だ is because my Japanese is terrible rusty. I quit college in '05 and I haven't used it in a real way ever since. The reason I got confused is because な-adjectives take だ。Like in 嫌いだと思います。But I wasn't sure if I remembered it correctly.

I'll be patching my essay now :P

[KyleGoetz]

Originally Posted by Dogburp

どうも for your reply!
私の生徒は将来、外国貿易業に従事します。I don't know if it's still wrong. I'm not good with this. It know it's not the same but to me it is like changing
In (the/their) future my students want to play tennis.
In the future my students want to be playing tennis. or something. I don't know why it is wrong.

Have a look at the sample sentences here: “in the future want to”の検索結果（74 件）：英辞郎 on the WEB：スペースアルク

There are some that are directly relevant to what you're trying to say "In the future...want to..."

intended for college students at an economics department... of some university.

Your construction says "economics department intended for college students" or something like that.

If you want to say "X, which is intended for economics department students," you might try 経済学部生へ向けのX. 経済学部生 is "a student in the economics department."

[Dogburp]

私は日本語教師です。
私はロッテルダム大学の経済学部生へ向けの日本語教師 をしています。私の生徒は将来、外国貿易をやりたい。 間もなく彼らは卒業します。毎日日本語を教えるのはす ごく楽しい。生徒の中で天然ボケは一人もいません。
最近デジタル黒板と学生が授業中ノートブックを使うは 人気になりました。その新しい黒板は前週授業中故障し ていたので全然便利じゃないと思います。
大学生は授業中に携帯やノートブックでメールしている らしい。私は朝授業の準備のために六時に起きました。 その失礼な態度に我慢できません。
でも、今は若者の時代。あの黒板は何とか慣れますと失 礼生徒の試験を採点する前に、彼の失礼な態度を考慮に 入れなくてはなれません。
日本語教師はやっぱり良い仕事なんだ。

[KyleGoetz]

Next set of grammar instruction opportunities!

Originally Posted by Dogburp

私は日本語教師です。
私の生徒は将来、外国貿易をやりたい。

This is a very common mistake among people of all levels of non-native Japanese speaking. The 〜たい form is not used to talk about the desires of a third person. Instead, you use the 〜たがる verb form (and put it in the present progressive, 〜ている). "John wants to eat pizza" ジョンさんはピザを食べたがっています。

Next point is a general one: You are mixing different levels of formality in your writing. You are keeping the verb endings consistent (all ます form). However, at the time of me writing this, I've noticed you end at least one sentence with 楽しい instead of 楽しいです. This is a different style of writing. If you're using ます form to end sentences that end in verbs, then any sentence that ends in an い-adjective must end in です.

最近デジタル黒板と学生が授業中ノートブックを使うは 人気になりました。

This is still incorrect, but structured better. The real problem that jumps out is you forgot to nominalize 使う before は.

There are some things that could be done to refine this and make it flawless, but I think since this is a school assignment I don't want to go that far. I ask ask, however, whether you've learned the 〜てくる and 〜ていく structures yet.

Whoops, I've got to go for now! I haven't finished reading through it.