Marry ^^

[ChisaChi]

I think if you post on a public forum inviting discussion, then you have to expect some discussion to occur, whether it's necessarily what you want to hear or not. Straight up telling people what to do isn't fair since no one can know the OP's exact circumstances, but it doesn't seem like anyone is doing anything more than offering their advice based on logic and figures.

Back to the original question though, I'm curious about gender roles in a Japanese marriage. Is the husband still supposed to be the primary bread-winner, or do both husband and wife usually work? Do couples often get married but remain dependent on their parents? What kind of expectations are there of a foreign husband/wife?

[ozkai]

Originally Posted by ChisaChi

Back to the original question though, I'm curious about gender roles in a Japanese marriage. Is the husband still supposed to be the primary bread-winner, or do both husband and wife usually work? Do couples often get married but remain dependent on their parents? What kind of expectations are there of a foreign husband/wife?

I Think those days numbered.

It still happens for the higher aged, certainly in places like Kyoto or Nara, but I would say that's an exception to the rest.

To get the REAL statistics you would have to take a survey from the streets.

To answer your query in regards to patrents dependancy after marriage, I've can't imagine and have never personally seen a situation, althgough it may happen, possibly leaning more towards dysfunctional.

The expectations of husband and wife, I think I will drop your word "foreign", would be, work hard, make money, enjoy what you do, spend quality family time together on days off and also make an effort during the week as much as possible, and possibly plenty of sex, although once again that depends on the partners feelings.

Hope I summarized my two cents welll enough for you.

[ozkai]

Originally Posted by Hellkite

Hi^^

I have a Japanese girlfriend in Japan, and come to Japan myself in July 2010
And, we want to marry as soon as possible, I know I am young, she is 2 or 3 years older than me, but thats okay for both of us. And her parents also like me, and she wants to come and visit me again in November, this year. I just wanted to ask you, how it is to be married in live in Japan? I am so curious and cant wait, the church and everything is already booked for next year July^^
Thanks for any tips and/or experiences you tell me and so on

I agree withh MMM.

You are definitely jumping the gun and from your post, it sounds as if you are still very much in hte "excitement" and "romance" phase.

If you are going to live in Japan, which as a non Japanese is going to be a HUGE cultural challenge, give yourself at least five years, and then start thinking.

My advice, stay single and bring your kids up the same way

[ozkai]

Originally Posted by alanX

That's my opinion, and I'm sticking to it.

And now I'll leave this thread for good, since we both have our different opinions, there is no point in rubbing them in eachother's faces.

Thank god for that

[alanX]

Originally Posted by ozkai

Thank god for that

hahah!
cute

I can tell your very wise mature, and experienced, and definitely know what you're talking about by this post!

I can't see why anyone wouldn't take your advise!

[Nyororin]

If the original poster`s desire to marry his girlfriend is destroyed by the simple suggestion to slow down and think deeply about the decision - he should be reconsidering.
All the things MMM asked in the first post were completely valid. I don`t read them as cutting the poster down or crushing dreams, but more like inserting a dose of reality into things. And, as I point out above, if a dose of reality is enough to kill the relationship... It NEEDED it as quickly as possible.

If MMM had said "You shouldn`t marry her because she`s Japanese!" or "You should go for someone better!" etc - then it would have been out of line. But to simply suggest the poster thinks about the scale and significance of this decision? That should be something welcomed if the original poster is serious about things. Virtually no one wants to hear negativity, but I think that lives are a whole lot better off if you know what you`re getting into and the worst case scenarios. You can actually plan and be prepared so that some of the issues can be avoided... At the very least, it can give you something to brag about if you never hit those expected snags.

But hey, alanX - if you want to jump into something blindly, go for it! Just don`t assume that ignorance is the preferred path for everyone else out there.

Back to the original question though, I'm curious about gender roles in a Japanese marriage. Is the husband still supposed to be the primary bread-winner, or do both husband and wife usually work?

Short of major necessity, it`s still the norm for the husband to be the provider. It is still considered totally normal for the wife to quit her job indefinitely once married, and if not then as soon as they have a child. The housewife/homemaker/whatever you want to call it is pretty much the most desired situation for the majority of women.
Not that there aren`t working mothers, etc, but most of it is part time "spending money" level. Supporting a household is very rare.

Do couples often get married but remain dependent on their parents?

No, not really. While it isn`t that uncommon for married couples to live with one side`s family (90% of the time the husband`s) after marriage, it`s usually either a temporary thing until they can find somewhere good to live... Or the son is going to take over the family home. True dependency is pretty rare.

What kind of expectations are there of a foreign husband/wife?

The same expectations as there are toward a domestic husband/wife.

[nobora]

If thats what you want go for it!
But dont regrett it

[ozkai]

Let's not forget, that for example, the Japanese culture is very strong, and a different involved culture partner needs to fully understand and appreciate this as much as possible within the relationship, and if not, try at least to make reason and communicate non aggresively.

The same applies to the partner whether they be Mexican, Mongolian, Australian, Bristish or Chinese, example only.

I mean, we all have stereotypes even if we don't like to admit it.

My current partner is current, I am 41, she 36.

I have never known anything about Korean culture but boy am I finding out!

A regular converstaion now seems to be related Japanese and Korean people and just how different they are.

Come to my home, the first thing you notice is a Japanese sign on my front door asking one to please remove their shoes before entering.

Go into the garden and you see another sign on the wall in Japanese asking one to please not urinate on the wall!

On top of my living room display cabinet is a Japanese tapestry of a Geisha type female character.

My two year old Kai is half Japanese.

The pens, cameras, washing line, drinking glasses, kitchen knives, chopsticks, etc. are from Japan.

Sit on my toilet and you are offered a Game Boy Micro from japan to play with!

To recharge it for the 110-240v, you get a Japanese addorned heavy duty transformer!

My 2008 Subaru Impreza gets a Japanese sticker on the back that states "Fuji Heavy Industries" (In Kanji)

The side window states, "Dokdo is Korean Territory"

Now, I have to admit that the Japanese merchndise side of things is winning, although to the quiet and obvious disatisfaction of my partner

As for me, I'm fine as I am very culturally minded, understanding and adapt in all directions.

Now, getting back to the original topic, the culture gap whether related to age or country culture I think is a very important aspect in regards to the marriage as I know only to well.

My biggest problem is, if it is a problem is that I am a fiar dinkum Aussie, no holes barred, although I feel it is me by myself that is respecting all the other cultures, although I am not getting the same back in return..

[ChisaChi]

Thanks Nyorin, ozkai. Leading on from those answers, I would assume that it would be difficult a 17 year old without a highschool diploma, a degree, fluency in Japanese, work experience or savings to marry and support a wife? I suppose if the OP's girlfriend is working she could support him while he takes on a more domestic role, but that tends to be frowned upon in Western society and it looks like Japanese take a similar view. How difficult would it be for a foreigner with a spousal visa to find the kind of work that doesn't require a degree or Japanese skills?

I'm not saying it's impossible or that people need to stick to traditional gender roles, but it's important to keep in mind that going against the grain and financial issues can put a lot of stress on a relationship.

[Kenpachi11]

I think thats its his decision not anyone elses. If he wants to do it then go ahead but make sure your willing to stick with her for the rest of your life. If it ruins your life then its your own fault and problem.