Marry ^^

[spicytuna]

Originally Posted by alanX

I know personal experiences could not matter any less, but my Grandmother got married when she was 17 to my grandfather who was 19. They're still married to this day, have 3 kids and own a 2 story house.

It's like you guys are trying to tell him that really he doesn't really love her, just because he's "young"

Putting their ages aside, did your grandfather move to a foreign country with a completely different culture, language, etc. to marry your grandmother?

As for your last statement, that's a funny accusation considering the fact that love is what's making him take this huge leap of faith.

[SephirothVVC]

Originally Posted by MMM

Only a month? In my opinion you should spend face-to-face time with someone for at least two years before you can know them well enough to make a commitment like marriage.

i strongly agree with you on this

[alanX]

haha, MMM.

I kick myself everytime I even click on this thread, because I know I will get into some sort of debate. I will try and fight the temptation...

But, yes, there are multiple aspects of what you've said that I agree with, especially the things about visiting the country first, and possibly spending a little bit more time face-to-face with his finacee.

I guess my disagree is more with the other people, and not so much you. Escpecially the ones who are saying "it probably won't work, you're making a mistake, your an idiot and I'm smart and you're wrong and I'm not"

I'll take those hints, and will depart now.


>.<

[MMM]

No one asked you to stop posting, Alan...you set yourself up by saying "This is my last post on this thread"...twice.

[TalnSG]

one point here that I didn't see before, though MMM asked about her parents.

Were her parents with her when she was in Vienna so you could meet them?

You are giong to have you life completely controlled by her father for an indefinite period of time, if he is funding your wedding, household and your employment for the foreseeable future.

You better like him even more than your prospective bride, because you don't seem to realize that he is going to be more prominent in every moment of your life that you probably imagine. Your wife is very likely to come second in order of prioirties - both for you and your Father-in-law-to-be.

Ths would be true regardless of the culture, but in Japan it will be even more blatant and expected. You will have no recourse at all if you think he is unfair or treats you poorly, except to abandon everything ...... inlcuding the woman who will always be his daughter first and your wife second.


For some people this is fine, and it may be well worth it over time, but consider it very carefully because it goes against all modern male western culture.

[Koir]

Originally Posted by MMM

No one asked you to stop posting, Alan...you set yourself up by saying "This is my last post on this thread"...twice.

Badumtish.

[spicytuna]

Originally Posted by TalnSG

Ths would be true regardless of the culture, but in Japan it will be even more blatant and expected. You will have no recourse at all if you think he is unfair or treats you poorly, except to abandon everything ...... inlcuding the woman who will always be his daughter first and your wife second.

For some people this is fine, and it may be well worth it over time, but consider it very carefully because it goes against all modern male western culture.

Interesting and valid viewpoint if they follow the traditional Japanese system of family dynamics.

The OP mentioned that her parents liked him so I guess the question to ask would be this; Is she the only child? If not, does she have an older brother or sister?

[Nyororin]

For some reason I just don`t see this happening at all.
It doesn`t seem realistic, or even taking place in reality.

For one - I find it literally impossible to believe that Japanese parents would be thrilled to jump into having their daughter marry someone that young - let alone someone from overseas. I have to wonder - how much direct contact has the original poster had with these parents? Second hand info from the girl is hardly good enough.
The approval of these parents is honestly what I find the hardest to swallow. Parents in Japan simply do not jump to marry off their daughters at that age. If they truly are, then I have to really wonder about the real reasoning behind it. "Because they love each other!" doesn`t seem very likely.

If there is all this financial backing - why not go to a Japanese school and live with her during that time to test the waters? If you are so committed as to jump into marriage at this point, surely waiting a bit won`t hurt anything. I`m not one to knock young marriages, having married quite young myself, but... There is so much more to this than just marriage alone. I mean, look around at the issues people experience just being in Japan for a year with the end in sight. In a proper marriage, there is no end. The relationship may be the strongest in the world, but that isn`t going to help if you hit severe culture shock.

[Hellkite]

wow

well, dont take my situation so hard, rather tell me your experiences >u< hah

and thanks alanX, thanks you defend me, and it sounds interesting about your whole family actually. can you tell me how it was for them always to marry early? just tell me about their experience, if you can and if it is okay for you.

i know it is early, i myself never wanted to marry so son first, but then i also looked at my parents, and that i was born too late, when my parents were around 35 or such, i was born, thats too late in my opinion, and they married with 32 or so. i dont want to do so again, and for her parents, they were with her this one month, and also saw me, and this year her mother comes with her again.

[rison]

Originally Posted by Hellkite

i know it is early, i myself never wanted to marry so son first, but then i also looked at my parents, and that i was born too late, when my parents were around 35 or such, i was born, thats too late in my opinion, and they married with 32 or so. i dont want to do so again, and for her parents, they were with her this one month, and also saw me, and this year her mother comes with her again.

This doesn't justify your marrying early. If she got pregnant while you guys dated, that would have been a different case.

Basically, it will not be easy for you especially as a foreigner and at your age, school should be on your mind and hers. Since you are bent on it, then cogitate on those questions MMM asked your at the beginning of this thread, those were very valid questions.....If you side line them then you're either relying on something like your parents being rich to get you through or you are simply silly.