Marry ^^

[Hellkite]

Hi^^

I have a Japanese girlfriend in Japan, and come to Japan myself in July 2010
And, we want to marry as soon as possible, I know I am young, she is 2 or 3 years older than me, but thats okay for both of us. And her parents also like me, and she wants to come and visit me again in November, this year. I just wanted to ask you, how it is to be married in live in Japan? I am so curious and cant wait, the church and everything is already booked for next year July^^
Thanks for any tips and/or experiences you tell me and so on

[MMM]

"Early marriage is a key predictor of later divorce. Nearly half of people
who marry under age 18 and 40 percent under age 20 end up divorced. It's
only 24 percent for people who marry after age 25."
-Atlanta Journal Constitution

Slow down, man. You are 17 years old. Have you even been to Japan? How much time have you and your girlfriend actually spent together? You literally have your whole lives to do this, and you've already booked a church? Where are you going to live? What are you going to do for a living? What is she going to do? It appears higher education is not in your plans, so how do you plan on working?

[spicytuna]

You aren't even old enough to buy a pack of cigarettes or a pint of beer and you're already thinking of marriage?

Are you sure you want to end your sex life at 18?

[jesselt]

Originally Posted by MMM

"Early marriage is a key predictor of later divorce. Nearly half of people
who marry under age 18 and 40 percent under age 20 end up divorced. It's
only 24 percent for people who marry after age 25."
-Atlanta Journal Constitution

Slow down, man. You are 17 years old. Have you even been to Japan? How much time have you and your girlfriend actually spent together? You literally have your whole lives to do this, and you've already booked a church? Where are you going to live? What are you going to do for a living? What is she going to do? It appears higher education is not in your plans, so how do you plan on working?

"The highest rate of divorce in the 2001 survey was 41 percent for men who were then between the ages of 50 to 59, and 39 percent for women in the same age group."

Taken from The New York Times http://www.nytimes.com/2005/04/19/health/19divo.html

You're asking valid questions, but there's no need to act hostile. Perhaps he has plans for everything already? It's really easy to judge young engaged couples without knowing anything about them, but we should give him the benefit of the doubt.

To answer the OP's question; I've never been married in Japan, but I imagine that it's not much different from being married and living in a western country. If you plan on living in Japan I would start learning Japanese and plan on attending a University there after you are able to. If you are going to be living together (as opposed to with her parents) then I would expect it to be very tough. You would need to get a full time job (you wont be able to get a very good one without a college degree) to afford your rent, which is going to make school very difficult as well. Another option would be to just work while she goes to school, then begin school after she has finished and has a job.

[Koir]

Originally Posted by Hellkite

Thanks for any tips and/or experiences you tell me and so on

As you've undoubtedly seen, the biggest tip I can give is never starting this thread in the first place. No matter how well-reasoned, thought out, and steady the plan is, the majority's instinct is to gleefully tear down every little thing in record time.

It's exactly what I've come to expect from certain thread discussions, which saddens me.

[MMM]

Originally Posted by jesselt

"The highest rate of divorce in the 2001 survey was 41 percent for men who were then between the ages of 50 to 59, and 39 percent for women in the same age group."


Taken from The New York Times http://www.nytimes.com/2005/04/19/health/19divo.html

But how many of those are on a second, or third marriage, which also has a higher rate of divorce?

Originally Posted by jesselt

You're asking valid questions, but there's no need to act hostile.

Hostile? I don't think I did anything hostile. I did not insult him, and only asked the most basic questions I hope his parents, friends, and teachers are asking him now.

Originally Posted by jesselt

Perhaps he has plans for everything already? It's really easy to judge young engaged couples without knowing anything about them, but we should give him the benefit of the doubt.

Plans for everything? He came to a forum to ask about married life to a bunch of strangers. I would give the benefit of doubt in the opposite direction.

Originally Posted by jesselt

To answer the OP's question; I've never been married in Japan, but I imagine that it's not much different from being married and living in a western country. If you plan on living in Japan I would start learning Japanese and plan on attending a University there after you are able to. If you are going to be living together (as opposed to with her parents) then I would expect it to be very tough. You would need to get a full time job (you wont be able to get a very good one without a college degree) to afford your rent, which is going to make school very difficult as well. Another option would be to just work while she goes to school, then begin school after she has finished and has a job.

Researchers say that the small drop in the overall divorce rate is caused by a steep decline in the rate among college graduates. As a result, a "divorce divide" has opened up between those with and without college degrees, said Dr. Steven P. Martin, an assistant professor of sociology at the University of Maryland.

(From your same article)

If the desire is to live your life with your girlfriend, why handicap yourself and your future family by not going to college when you can?

If the desire is to live in Japan, again, graduate from high school, go to college, and go. Japan isn't going any where.

[MMM]

Originally Posted by Koir

As you've undoubtedly seen, the biggest tip I can give is never starting this thread in the first place. No matter how well-reasoned, thought out, and steady the plan is, the majority's instinct is to gleefully tear down every little thing in record time.

It's exactly what I've come to expect from certain thread discussions, which saddens me.

Whether it's getting married at 17 or getting 遊女 tattooed on your back because you think it means "playgirl", reality checks are reality checks.

You can call it "tearing down" if you want to, but I didn't sign anything that says I can't call foul if I see one.

[Koir]

Originally Posted by MMM

You can call it "tearing down" if you want to, but I didn't sign anything that says I can't call foul if I see one.

Dysfunctional norms, I suppose. I was just pointing out that if the OP wanted suggestions about his situation, coming here wasn't one of the good ones.

[alanX]

Guys, guys, guys. Come on. Seriously?

He asked a simple question, he didn't want to be lectured. If he wants to get married at 18, then he should get married at 18. MMM, don't mean to speak out against you about anything, but I don't think it's yours, mine, this persons parents, friends, or anyone else's place to tell him when to or when not get married. If he wanted that kind of information, he would have asked for it.

As for your question, getting married and settling down in Japan is what I plan on doing as well. It is closest you will ever get to the actual Japanese lifestyle, because you will be living the Japanese lifestyle. No English teaching program can do that for you, as much as they say they can.

The only advise I can give you, is become very very educated in Japanese language, as well as culture, if you love this girl, then you should devote all your time into her culture, as it will become your culture.

I'm in the same boat as you, so I know where your coming from, my girlfriend is Japanese, and older than me, more older than I'm comfortable saying here on a forum.

Wish you all the best luck, and congratulations, man.

Originally Posted by MMM

If the desire is to live in Japan, again, graduate from high school, go to college, and go. Japan isn't going any where.

Graduating from high school and college does not promise you a life in Japan.

[MMM]

Originally Posted by alanX

If he wanted that kind of information, he would have asked for it.

Yesterday a guy came on and made a new thread asking if 幸愛 were the correct kanji for "happiness" and "love". I could have said "yes" and been done with it, but instead I added the information that put together they read the girl's name Sachie or Sachika (among others).

So he got more information than he asked for, but guess who isn't getting 幸愛 tattooed on his back anymore.