Loose Morals in Japan

[Salvanas]

Originally Posted by darksyndrem

@Salvanas, at this point, I'm not sure if what I think is immoral is relevant. I think I'm really just comparing Japan to America, in a way. I will still say that what I (and mostly my parents) consider immoral is based on Christian morals, because I've grown up in a Christian household and my parents have as well (Which is no reason to be facepalmed.). And maybe some of you have a different view on Christianity, I know for sure that some Christians have really changed people's perspective on us, in a negative way, which...well I won't get into that. And just to get something straight, the church did not lable sex a sin...only permarital sex (from what I know) and I really don't have much of an opinion on it because I'm just that unstable (?)

That subject is for a different time, if you wish, if you have MSN, we can talk about that over MSN. I think you'd be interested in what I would say.

But I hope you can go over to Japan for the exchange program. It's a lovely country, that I believe everyone should atleast experience one time in their lives.

[Nendoroid]

I have no intention of offending you at all; but did you get held back or did you have a late start on your schooling? Because where I live by 16 you should be a Junior at the least, or a Senior.

There are bad and loose morals everywhere you go, you just have to learn to deal with it. In every country you will have to think of it the same way whether you tend to leave your home very often or not, that's why you have to view the country by looking at it's positive points, not by it's negative points. Sounds corny, and I don't beleive in looking at people this way but I think it is true as to when you look at somewhere you plan to live for a part or all of your life.

[JBaymore]

Originally Posted by darksyndrem

You guys have been a HUGE help, and JBaymore, I think your right about having a talk with the parents. And with it being an underlying reason, your probably right as well. I really don't know what the real reason may be, but like you said me growing up, is a very likely reason. I also don't think my parents quite understand the whole host parenting thing yet (I don't quite understand it yet either) but with what you guys have said about how responsibility is taken in Japan, I think that will be quite reassuring.

Darksyndrem,

Thanks. Go for it. A long frank talk about life and growing up and risk and trust.

Another thing to think about here is the concept of "Great risk, great reward."

The most important experiences in life come not when you are ultra, ultra careful, but when you take some calculated risk. If you "play it safe and comfortable" all the time, it is true that you will tend to be "safe", but you will ALSO miss out on SO much opportunity that potentially awaits you. You will not grow.

Some people have trouble with even allowing others to be looking at "new ideas" because that can force THEM to confront those same new ideas themselves and evaluate their own belief structure's as to the meaning and validity of those new ideas. This can be uncomfortable. Your "thinking outside the box" is going to force your parents to ALSO take a serious look at the outside of the box.

You will return from Japan a different person from the one who left home. Trust me on that one.

Unless they have traveled there too, you will have a "worldly" understanding and experience base that your parents do not, and can't fully understand. THAT can be a very uncomfortable idea for a parent. In fact, it can be downright threatening. It is about relinquishing "control".

So give them some credit for the reluctance; this idea is a difficult one for THEM also. Just try to show them that you are mature enough to take on this challenge responsibly.

best,

....................john

[darksyndrem]

@John, I DEFINATELY agree with that. It's the only thing I've been afraid of. I read some of Timothy Feriss' book "The 4 Hour Work Week" and since then, it's been my one desire, NOT to end up like the people around me have. I do not want to stay in America for the rest of my life, I simply don't like it here. I am, unfortunately, not a very happy person most of the time, and when I really think about it, I think it may be because of the people around me. The people that just really make me itch and anger me. But I think that's a little off topic.

The thing is, I don't want to live my life just like everyone else, it's old, it's boring, it's default. And that is something that I do not want for the rest of my life.

@Nen, I repeated K5 (I don't know if they have that where you are, but it's very early)

[Tenchu]

[lazyrapper]

Originally Posted by darksyndrem

I will still say that what I (and mostly my parents) consider immoral is based on Christian morals, because I've grown up in a Christian household and my parents have as well

OK, but Japan is not a Christian country, it's people are predominately Buddhist and Shinto so I'm not sure we can expect them to share "Christian values".

Maybe Buddhist/Shinto values are not so different. My understanding is that Christian values tell us we shouldn't judge others (the Japanese are very tolerant), we should love our enemies (I didn't see much of that in my own country, UK) and we shouldn't covet our neighbour's oxen - I'm not sure about the Japanese stand on that one!

Is that the kind of thing you had in mind? If not I think your parents may still need to be a bit more specific about their concerns.

Seriously though, the Japanese generally live to a high moral code. Whether or not it's a code you and your family would share I couldn't say, but in the time I've been living in Japan I haven't really seen much that should offend Christian sensibilities. I come from the UK and my wife and I decided we would prefer our daughter to be raised in Japan. I don't think your parents need worry too much. You're not likely to come across anything bad in Japan unless you are specifically looking for it - and you don't sound like the kind of person who would be doing that.

I hope it all works out and you have a great time in Japan.

[darksyndrem]

Thank you for your help Lazy...

I think I have the information I need for now, I'm going to try to talk to my parents about it soon, and may be back with more questions.

Thanks everyone so much (except for teh face-palmers -.-)

[Tsuwabuki]

I've lived in America, South Korea, and Japan, and out of all three, I would say Japan is the best about "practicing what you preach." I would rather live in a country with morals that I disagree with that is honest in its differences than a country which proclaims to have morals I agree with and then fails to do them more than lip service.

I have a rather unique moral code, which surprises people, as I am a devout Roman Catholic. Just because I am, however, does not mean I agree with everything typically applied stereotypically to Catholics, let alone mainstream Christianity as a whole.

I have found Japan to be a much better fit and much more personally tolerable than most places in America. Where I can divide America into places very amenable to me and places not so amenable, Japan as a whole seems very rarely offensive. Furthermore, when I do have an issue in Japan, I have never felt like I should keep it to myself. I do not feel compelled to accept Japanese behavior I disagree with just because it has been Japanese behavior.

Cultural relativism is a matter of moderation: some things are different between cultures, and we should respect those values that vary by culture, however, other things are wrong every where and cultural relativism should not be used to wantonly allow courses of action that are irresponsible.

The individual who says that when in Japan, one must always follow the Japanese without criticism is just as wrong as the individual who claims that Japan's failure to emulate such and such value system makes its citizens immoral.

[Seanus]

Since when has premarital sex been wrong? The law allows it at different ages in different countries. As young as 13 in some. Time to wake up and see the world beyond the ultra-Catholic realm.