Piercings

[Sangetsu]

Originally Posted by mercedesjin

Just curious - why are you so annoyed? Were you brought up to see piercings and tattoos as "defacing the body" and think I'm being morally wrong? Or are you simply in a bad mood? Also, why would they feel sorry for my parents?

Covering an eyebrow piercing is pretty tough. I would have to wear a band-aid over it 24-7, seeing that I don't want the piercing to heal if I ever take out the ring. I realize that I'm going to Japan for an immersion, but I don't believe in completely giving up myself and my personality for a full year. I also don't want to come back to the USA and have to get my eyebrow pierced again. That's where I'm coming from, and why I'm really trying to see what the general Japanese reaction might be, before I make any choices.

It seems that many people have a lot of misconceptions about Japan and Japanese culture. Regardless of who you are or where you are from, "The nail that stands out gets hammered down" philosophy is still pervasive here.

Personality has nothing to do with appearance, to believe otherwise is ignorant at best, or shallow at worst. The argument of "why should you care what I look like" runs both ways here. People in Japan take great pains to fit in. The cosplayers and such that westerners seem so enamored with are an exception, but on any day other than Sunday they'll be dressed like anyone else in Japan, either in a school uniform, work uniform, or a navy blue suit.

The first people Japanese tend to think about when they see someone who commits a wrong is that person's parents (I hear this almost every day). Most Japanese are very family oriented, with 2 or 3 (or 4) generations often living within the same house. You may see nothing wrong with wearing a ring in your eyebrow, but that's is how things are in your country and your culture. In Japan there is thought to be something wrong with it.

While in Japan you are a guest, and it's polite to be as respectful to your hosts as possible. It'll be obvious enough that you are a foreigner, and that you won't know too much, but you'll be respected more if you behave as much like a Japanese as possible. "When in Rome..." as they say.

[mercedesjin]

Originally Posted by Sangetsu

It seems that many people have a lot of misconceptions about Japan and Japanese culture. Regardless of who you are or where you are from, "The nail that stands out gets hammered down" philosophy is still pervasive here.

Personality has nothing to do with appearance, to believe otherwise is ignorant at best, or shallow at worst. The argument of "why should you care what I look like" runs both ways here. People in Japan take great pains to fit in. The cosplayers and such that westerners seem so enamored with are an exception, but on any day other than Sunday they'll be dressed like anyone else in Japan, either in a school uniform, work uniform, or a navy blue suit.

The first people Japanese tend to think about when they see someone who commits a wrong is that person's parents (I hear this almost every day). Most Japanese are very family oriented, with 2 or 3 (or 4) generations often living within the same house. You may see nothing wrong with wearing a ring in your eyebrow, but that's is how things are in your country and your culture. In Japan there is thought to be something wrong with it.

While in Japan you are a guest, and it's polite to be as respectful to your hosts as possible. It'll be obvious enough that you are a foreigner, and that you won't know too much, but you'll be respected more if you behave as much like a Japanese as possible. "When in Rome..." as they say.

Why did you assume that I don't know about the "hammer" philosophy? It's because of that philosophy that I was concerned about my eyebrow piercing. Why does personality have nothing to do with appearance? Isn't it because of someone's personality that they express themselves through appearance? Even something as simple as choosing a red or a blue tie. A businessman might choose a red tie because that's his favorite color. Why is it ignorant and shallow to think this?

I understand that Japan is family-oriented, but I still don't understand why anyone would feel sorry for my parents. Is it because my eyebrow piercing would suggest that I'm morally wrong - that my appearance, effected by my personality - is bad?

How does a single Japanese person behave? Is there a structured rule book that every single human being in Japan follows? Do piercings not exist in Japan?

I think that the purpose of a cultural exchange is to learn from one culture, but also to offer my own culture so that others can learn from it. That suggests not giving up every single part of my personality for the purpose of other's comfort.

[bELyVIS]

Originally Posted by Sangetsu

It seems that many people have a lot of misconceptions about Japan and Japanese culture. Regardless of who you are or where you are from, "The nail that stands out gets hammered down" philosophy is still pervasive here.

Personality has nothing to do with appearance, to believe otherwise is ignorant at best, or shallow at worst. The argument of "why should you care what I look like" runs both ways here. People in Japan take great pains to fit in. The cosplayers and such that westerners seem so enamored with are an exception, but on any day other than Sunday they'll be dressed like anyone else in Japan, either in a school uniform, work uniform, or a navy blue suit.

The first people Japanese tend to think about when they see someone who commits a wrong is that person's parents (I hear this almost every day). Most Japanese are very family oriented, with 2 or 3 (or 4) generations often living within the same house. You may see nothing wrong with wearing a ring in your eyebrow, but that's is how things are in your country and your culture. In Japan there is thought to be something wrong with it.

While in Japan you are a guest, and it's polite to be as respectful to your hosts as possible. It'll be obvious enough that you are a foreigner, and that you won't know too much, but you'll be respected more if you behave as much like a Japanese as possible. "When in Rome..." as they say.

But they kind of expect strange things from gaijin, or else we wouldn't be so interesting to them.
I think ears are fine, eyebrow is iffy but not too bad. As long as you don't look like the girl in the photo you are OK. Tattoos are a whole different matter. Cover those if you have any.

[MMM]

Originally Posted by mercedesjin

I understand that Japan is family-oriented, but I still don't understand why anyone would feel sorry for my parents. Is it because my eyebrow piercing would suggest that I'm morally wrong - that my appearance, effected by my personality - is bad?

How does a single Japanese person behave? Is there a structured rule book that every single human being in Japan follows? Do piercings not exist in Japan?

Why he is saying is, they might feel sorry for your parents because they weren't able to teach you to treat your body as a temple. To mutilate your body in that way is one way of disrespecting the gift of life your parents gave you.

Personally, I would say either pull it out or find the tiniest little stud I could find to keep it open during the exchange. You are already asking your host parents to live a seafood free life during your stay, so I think it is the least you could do to show some respect for their household. At the very least you will be able to take photos with them they will be proud to show their friends and extended family.

[mercedesjin]

Originally Posted by MMM

Why he is saying is, they might feel sorry for your parents because they weren't able to teach you to treat your body as a temple. To mutilate your body in that way is one way of disrespecting the gift of life your parents gave you.

Personally, I would say either pull it out or find the tiniest little stud I could find to keep it open during the exchange. You are already asking your host parents to live a seafood free life during your stay, so I think it is the least you could do to show some respect for their household. At the very least you will be able to take photos with them they will be proud to show their friends and extended family.

And yet I'd hope they would understand that I don't come from their culture. I'd hope they would understand that, in the West Indies, we don't generally see our bodies as temples. We see are bodies as blank canvases, ready for expression through make up, costumes, piercings, hair, fashion, etc. That's a part of the idea of an exchange. I learn about their culture. They learn about mine.

You're being slightly judgmental, and you're also jumping to assumptions. I'm not asking my host parents to live seafood free. I'm asking my host parents to understand if I don't eat their fish, and to understand why I'm going to the store to buy beef and chicken. They can keep their diet easily. All I'm asking is that they not be offended when I don't eat what they eat, seeing that what they eat will make my physically ill. Also, why are you assuming that my host family wouldn't be proud of me? I don't know them. You don't know them either. You're assuming that, because you have basic knowledge of the Japanese culture, you know about every single Japanese citizen. That's stereotyping. Isn't there a chance that my host family might be open to piercings, and that they might even have piercings themselves?

[MMM]

Originally Posted by mercedesjin

I've already heard some opinions on the matter from different friends, but I'd love to hear more thoughts.

What do you guys think is the average opinion of piercings in Japan? The younger people I've asked say that, especially in college, it's not a problem. However, it seems like the older, more traditional generations are against it. Here at my home, I've heard from many older people who have clearly expressed that they don't like piercings - and I've ignored them. But I don't want to go into another country (and another person's home, because I'm doing a homestay) and offend them by how I look.

So, since I already have a piercing, what advice can you guys give? Should I take it out while I'm in Japan?

Originally Posted by mercedesjin

And yet I'd hope they would understand that I don't come from their culture. I'd hope they would understand that, in the West Indies, we don't generally see our bodies as temples. We see are bodies as blank canvases, ready for expression through make up, costumes, piercings, hair, fashion, etc. That's a part of the idea of an exchange. I learn about their culture. They learn about mine.

You're being slightly judgmental, and you're also jumping to assumptions. I'm not asking my host parents to live seafood free. I'm asking my host parents to understand if I don't eat their fish, and to understand why I'm going to the store to buy beef and chicken. They can keep their diet easily. All I'm asking is that they not be offended when I don't eat what they eat, seeing that what they eat will make my physically ill. Also, why are you assuming that my host family wouldn't be proud of me? I don't know them. You don't know them either. You're assuming that, because you have basic knowledge of the Japanese culture, you know about every single Japanese citizen. That's stereotyping. Isn't there a chance that my host family might be open to piercings, and that they might even have piercings themselves?

Mercedesjin, if you don't like the answers, then please stop asking the questions.

A cultural exchange is a Japanese family hosts you and teaches you about Japan and then you host a Japanese kid and teach them about the West Indies. I think you are assuming a little too much that your visit to Japan is a 50-50 exchange. I don't see it that way. Yes, of course you are going to bring some of your culture with you to share with them. I am going to guess you wear shoes in the house in the West Indies. Are you going to show that part of the culture, too? No, of course not. That would be offensive.

I am saying the same thing is true of facial piercings. You asked for advice and I gave it, do with it what you want.

Regarding seafood, If you say you cannot eat seafood, then the family is not going to eat seafood while you are there. Period. Especially if you say something so offensive as "watching them eat it will me you physically ill." That is the same as saying "I think you eat garbage." Never say that out loud.

Another thing you need to understand is you are not going to be going to the store to buy beef or chicken and make a separate meal from the rest of the family. I know no mother in Japan that would allow this to happen while a guest is in her home. You can get away with saying you are allergic to seafood, and the host family will adjust, but the mother is generally the king of the kitchen, and guests that stay in her home eat her food. How embarrassing for her would it be if the other host moms found out her guest was going out and eating on her own because she couldn't eat the food the mother presented? You need to look at things from her perspective, as you are the guest in her home.

[mercedesjin]

Originally Posted by MMM

Mercedesjin, if you don't like the answers, then please stop asking the questions.

A cultural exchange is a Japanese family hosts you and teaches you about Japan and then you host a Japanese kid and teach them about the West Indies. I think you are assuming a little too much that your visit to Japan is a 50-50 exchange. I don't see it that way. Yes, of course you are going to bring some of your culture with you to share with them. I am going to guess you wear shoes in the house in the West Indies. Are you going to show that part of the culture, too? No, of course not. That would be offensive.

I am saying the same thing is true of facial piercings. You asked for advice and I gave it, do with it what you want.

Regarding seafood. 1) If you say you cannot eat seafood, then the family is not going to eat seafood while you are there. Period. Especially if you say something so offensive as "watching them eat it will me you physically ill." That is the same as saying "I think you eat garbage." Never say that out loud.

Another thing you need to understand is you are not going to be going to the store to buy beef or chicken and make a separate meal from the rest of the family. I know no mother in Japan that would allow this to happen while a guest is in her home. You can get away with saying you are allergic to seafood, and the host family will adjust, but the mother is generally the king of the kitchen, and guests that stay in her home eat her food. How embarrassing for her would it be if the other host moms found out her guest was going out and eating on her own because she couldn't eat the food the mother presented? You need to look at things from her perspective, as you are the guest in her home.

That is the FIRST post of this thread. If you read on, you'll see that I've heard many opinions already, and based on those opinions and those other ideas, I've developed my own thoughts. That's usually have thoughts and opinions develop. I now have my own opinion on the matter. You obviously know this because you have looked at the rest of the thread. You saw my response to another poster on this thread. Please don't feign ignorance to that point. No, I don't like your answer. I don't have to like every single thing you say - which is a good thing because believe me, I don't.

You don't see it as a 50-50 exchange. Good for you. That's YOU. This is me, making the choice to go to another country, making the choice to learn and teach at the same time. Don't try to make your opinion the gospel truth. Sorry to break it to you, but it isn't.

No, I'm not going to wear shoes in the house. I'm also not going to see a country of mostly housewives, and give up my desire to have a professional career. I'm also not going to see people eating crabs, and eat crab so that I can vomit my guts out all day and all night.

You see, MMM, you didn't give advice. You judge. The reason I react negatively to you is because you have the tone of the all mighty poster, the one who must know what is right and what is wrong - and by God, if someone disagrees with you, they must be wrong. It's condescending. It's also annoying. If you don't like me saying this to you, then I suggest you stop coming to every single thread I happen to post in.

Also, quick note: I didn't say "watching what they eat will make me sick." I said "... seeing that what they eat will make me eat." Seeing - as in BECAUSE what they eat will make me sick. If I'd meant "watching" I would've put a period in between the two phrases. At this point, I can't help but think that you're just looking for little things so that you can argue with me. That's also very annoying.

You don't know ANYTHING about the situation I'm in. The program I'm going to has asked its students what our diet is like. That's when I began to wonder if I should say that all seafood makes me sick or just shellfish. Now, I've decided to say that I can't eat any seafood for my own health. The program has designed the homestays so that, if my host family and I agree, I will cook and prepare my own meals so that I won't change their diet so drastically. You're still assuming that, because you know about Japan, you know about every single situation and every single Japanese experience. You don't, obviously. Perhaps you should try to understand that.

[bELyVIS]

Why are you going to Japan if you expect everyone to change the way they do things to your liking? How can you truly experience another culture if they are not acting natural?
I hate fish, sushi, sashimi, etc. yet as a manager in my company there I was expected to go out to various functions (almost always at a sushi restaurant and making me pay 5000-10000 yen) and eat this and say "Oishi" (thank God for beer), and even not get angry when they (against my wishes) tricked me into eating Fugu (poisonous blow fish) when I didn't wish to risk my life for eating something I hate in the first place.
I think you should cancel. If things don't go your way there not only will you embarrass this family, but it will just add to the many reasons why certain Japanese dislike gaijin.

[MMM]

I am not sure how you read tone in the written word, and I have never tried to judge you or your actions. You have never liked my opinions, so I can't help but think you are adding whatever tone into it in order to deny the facts that I am giving to you, but will stop doing because instead of taking the advice of someone who has an intimate knowledge (not basic knowledge) of Japan, you crap on it.

It has never been important for me to be right, and I always appreciate being told when I am wrong, but this is a topic I know a thing or two about.

I will admit I misread what you wrote about seeing and eating. Regardless, the fact remains that if you are allergic to seafood, it will be a seafood free home while you are there. I think it would be respectful to honor the family by being a little more flexible in other ways to make up for this, and one of those might be taking out or using a very small stud in your facial piercing. That's all.

[mercedesjin]

Originally Posted by bELyVIS

Why are you going to Japan if you expect everyone to change the way they do things to your liking? How can you truly experience another culture if they are not acting natural?
I hate fish, sushi, sashimi, etc. yet as a manager in my company there I was expected to go out to various functions (almost always at a sushi restaurant and making me pay 5000-10000 yen) and eat this and say "Oishi" (thank God for beer), and even not get angry when they (against my wishes) tricked me into eating Fugu (poisonous blow fish) when I didn't wish to risk my life for eating something I hate in the first place.
I think you should cancel. If things don't go your way there not only will you embarrass this family, but it will just add to the many reasons why certain Japanese dislike gaijin.

Where did you get the idea that I'm asking everyone to change everything around me? I'm not going to eat seafood and I'm not taking out my eyebrow piercing. Food and piercings aren't the only elements that make up a culture.

It would be a different story if I hated Japanese media, hated Japanese fashion, hated the Japanese language, didn't like Japanese religion or location or geography. It would be a different story if I didn't like Japanese people. None of that is true. I'm going their for one of the best experiences in my life, and I'm looking forward to it. It just so happens that I'm also looking forward to being myself, and bring TONS of pictures of the Virgin Islands, and LOTS of USA pop music so that anyone can listen to it if they want to, and I'm getting ready for a lot of discussions about the differences between West Indian culture and Japanese culture.

I don't agree with the idea of going to another country and morphing into what I think it means to be a citizen of that country. I don't know everything about Japanese culture, but I know Japanese stereotypes. If I went to that country, thinking that I was going to transform completely, I think I would end up transforming into my Japanese stereotypes. Not a good thing. Not a learning experience.

One last thing: I won't say it again, but I'll say it just for you. I cannot eat fish. I cannot eat seafood. I throw up when I do. I don't have a form saying that I'm allergic by a doctor. I do have my own life experiences. I think it might be a little rude for a host family to hear their student throwing their food up through a closed bathroom door. Don't you agree?