I'm in Japan and was tricked. Please help

[MMM]

Originally Posted by Tsuwabuki

Woah, hold up, MMM. You and I often agree, but I am going to have to take a stand here. She asked for the date, she chose the restaurant, and she said she would pay. The rules are different now (yay feminism! <- not sarcasm), and now asker pays, regardless of gender/sex. She asked, she pays. Next time, if this were to develop into a regular thing and he set the date and chose the restaurant, he would pay. No self-respecting person wants to be taken for a ride by someone who doesn't put in their fair share.

But this is besides the point, because this sounds lot more like a business deal than a date. She wanted conversation and company, but she was also willing to help him network. I would be fully expecting, had I been the OP, for the other shoe to drop and find out, professionally, what she wanted from me. I would fully be suspecting it would be private English lessons. They usually are when I am approached in such a way.

I think OP should have asked more questions and presented a more professional "face," but I think calling him out for some misinterpretation of the chivalric code is ludicrous.

When I lived in Korea, I had a business relationship that started out very much like this. She took me places and paid for meals and drinks, and I helped her on high level English conversation (about history, philosophy, sociology, and even helped work on essays she was writing in English). In lieu of getting paid, which would have been illegal (private lessons are not legal in Korea, but they are in Japan), she always picked up the tab. We were not dating.

He said he met her on a dating site. I am just working off of that. I didn't say he didn't deserve sympathy, as I think he does. He got jacked, and that really sucks.

I am just saying, he may not get a lot of sympathy (from the police, etc.) because he let someone take him to a very expensive restaurant, and let her walk out with her purse without paying and without knowing her contact information.

I know people that will never meet someone in these kind of blind date situations without knowing a telephone number the person will answer, or their work number (confirmed).

This wasn't really presented as a "business relationship" they way I read it, so I don't feel like assuming that the OP is not going to get a lot of sympathy is "ludicrous".

I realize there are older women who will take out younger men for "companionship", "English lessons" what have you. You can call it a business relationship or what you want, but you must understand that it looks a little fishy, and that's why I said what I said.

[Tsuwabuki]

My gripe was with your "no self-respecting man" comment. I found it not a bit sexist, and uncalled for.

As I said, if it were me, I would have asked a lot more questions. Online personal ads or not (which are not always, but frequently are, dating ads), this woman clearly broadcast that she wanted something. I would have treated it like a business relationship until explicitly told otherwise.

In the case I mentioned in Korea, it took me to clarify that this was business, not pleasure, and that we were looking for legal ways to recompense me for my services. From an outside standpoint it may have looked like we were dating. We weren't.

OP should have made it clear which one it was.

[MMM]

Originally Posted by Tsuwabuki

My gripe was with your "no self-respecting man" comment. I found it not a bit sexist, and uncalled for.

As I said, if it were me, I would have asked a lot more questions. Online personal ads or not (which are not always, but frequently are, dating ads), this woman clearly broadcast that she wanted something. I would have treated it like a business relationship until explicitly told otherwise.

In the case I mentioned in Korea, it took me to clarify that this was business, not pleasure, and that we were looking for legal ways to recompense me for my services. From an outside standpoint it may have looked like we were dating. We weren't.

OP should have made it clear which one it was.

I should have been more clear. I was applying not my feelings, but how this situation may be looked at by other people (police, etc.)

"There is no free lunch..." She offered him a free meal and a job opportunity. What was he giving her? Well, we found out at the end. That's how I think it may be seen by some.

Don't get me wrong, I feel for the OP. And next time he will be smarter about how he goes about dealing with blind dates and people offering him expensive things for free.

[calv930]

I agree with MMM, he has some good valid points leading to the suspiciousness of this "date."
This is a good lesson about certain people and a life lesson. What happened to you will teach you to not make the mistake again.

Analyze the situation before you take action and think about the good and bad (possible) results/outcome.
You also should've collected some sort of solid contact information like a number you are able to reach her by and confirm that it works as well.

Overall, I do feel pity for you getting tricked for being a foreigner (thats what the reason seems to be).

Let this be a lesson learned and never to be done again before taking proper precautions.

[MMM]

I agree calv930.

Just because someone is white/black/American/British/Canadian/blond/red-head/brunette/etc. etc. etc. doesn't mean they are not necessarily targets for scams, even in a country as safe as Japan.

I do no want to disparage the OP, and I am really glad he posted his story, because this kind of thing can happen.

There are a few things you can do to make sure it doesn't happen to you.

1) If you are meeting a stranger for any reason, make sure you have their contact information. Especially most valuable is work info. Confirm what you can before meeting...even if that means calling their office to say "Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow." If that information is not available, be sure to do number 2.

2) Meet with a friend. In my most recent trip I wanted to talk with someone who worked at a particular retail store. I made my request to a woman in the store, and after talking in the store asked her if I could talk about her business over coffee, etc. Obviously that sounds suspicious so even with her agreeing I encouraged her to bring a friend or workmate, we met in a public place and she chose the location where the three of us had a bite to eat and talk.

3) Go to a location you are familiar with. Especially if you are not able to bring a friend or confirm contact information...go to a place you know, and know the staff.

4) Remember, Japan is like anywhere else, and if something smells funny, it probably is. There are no free lunches in Japan, so if someone wants to give you something for nothing, be suspicious.

[spicytuna]

Originally Posted by MMM

I think if she were saying things like that alarms might have been going off in my head. Either she was a scam artist, or was using you to get revenge on "white people".

I think MMM hit this on the nail.

A $230 meal is hardly surprising in Japan but she knew that it'd be especially painful for you in your current financial situation. You were vulnerable and she took advantage of you.

It's very unfortunate but keep your chin up high because everyone gets tricked at one time in their life. I could go into the time where I lost a $10,000 investment a few years ago but it'd be too depressing. :P

[dirtyroboto]

My bit of advice is just to forget about it I mean REALLY FORGET ABOUT IT!

Do not go back to the resturant or contact them in any way and see what happens...

If they do "come after you" then just explain that you can't remember what they are talking about and that you usually forget stuff after a good drink.
If they get a bit firmer with you then point out that you would never eat at a resturant where the main meal is over Y300 as you are on a budget that is unless the drinks are 1/2 price
You get the idea...

If your morals won't let you do that, then I suggest you get some rubber gloves and expect to do some serious dish washing.

If you take the first option then I suggest you carry the laptop case around with you incase you get the oppotunity to pass it onto someonelse. Make sure you don't try that in the same resturant though 8[]

[RickOShay]

Originally Posted by dirtyroboto

If they do "come after you" then just explain that you can't remember what they are talking about and that you usually forget stuff after a good drink.
If they get a bit firmer with you then point out that you would never eat at a resturant where the main meal is over Y300 as you are on a budget that is unless the drinks are 1/2 price
You get the idea...

I hope you are not serious, because this would be about the dumbest thing he could try to pull. If they were to get the police involved he would be in a whole new level of trouble. The smartest thing for him to do would be to pay them back slowly or borrow money from a friend who trusts him.

[jesselt]

Originally Posted by dirtyroboto

My bit of advice is just to forget about it I mean REALLY FORGET ABOUT IT!

Do not go back to the resturant or contact them in any way and see what happens...

If they do "come after you" then just explain that you can't remember what they are talking about and that you usually forget stuff after a good drink.
If they get a bit firmer with you then point out that you would never eat at a resturant where the main meal is over Y300 as you are on a budget that is unless the drinks are 1/2 price
You get the idea...

If your morals won't let you do that, then I suggest you get some rubber gloves and expect to do some serious dish washing.

If you take the first option then I suggest you carry the laptop case around with you incase you get the oppotunity to pass it onto someonelse. Make sure you don't try that in the same resturant though 8[]

Yes, repay the kind restaurant that let you go by never showing up with the money you promised. Good work.

[Kageboushi]

OP should try picking up girls IRL instead. If dealing with shady people on the internets, use the slogan "hope for the best, prepare for the worst," but I suppose he's learned that by now.

My attempt at constructive advice is that involving the police will mean a lot of hassle, as someone mentioned before. And who knows? It might end up costing ya more.

Try to strike a deal with the restaurant, or run, but I don't know how wise that is. You're probably going to have to deal with the police in that case, and if you suspect you will, you definitely wanna be the first to call in and give them the story. I know a European guy who got into trouble with police in Japan because of a minor argument with someone (according to him), and his lawyer told him if he would have called up first to explain he would have avoided a world of hassle.